The Scars of Your Love
by MelanthiaChase
Summary: This is the second part in the Brath Trilogy that explores Juice's life without Milla and Milla's life without Juice.
1. Hurt

**I own nothing you recognize. All original characters are my own.**

**...  
><strong>

_**Hurt**_

_You could have it all_

_My empire of dirt_

_I will let you down_

_I will make you hurt_

_If I could start again_

_A million miles away_

_I would keep myself_

_I would find a way __**- Nine Inch Nails, "Hurt"**_

_**...  
><strong>_

**Belfast**

Milla sat in her living room with the tv on low and a bottle of Jameson in front of her. She'd just opened it an hour ago and a healthy portion was already gone. As she stared at it, instead of the tv, she decided to put it away. She was already drunk and she needed to be level headed in case her son needed her, but at two and a half he was sleeping through the night. Once she stumbled back to the couch she looked at the clock and saw that it had turned to midnight. With a sad smile on her lips she took out her phone and scrolled through her pictures until she found the one she was looking for.

"Happy birthday Daddy." She kissed the screen before she locked her phone and rested her head on the couch.

…

**Charming**

Juice toasted Clay as the man celebrated his birthday but there was a cloud over this party like there'd been over nearly every party in the last year and a half. Their family wasn't complete and Juice felt responsible. Maybe if he hadn't told Milla to go she wouldn't have made her choice. Maybe if he had fought for her she would be his. He sighed because he knew that he wouldn't have done that. He was hurt, both physically and emotionally, and had wanted her to hurt too. He had ended up saying some things that in the harsh light of morning he regretted but by that time she was already in Belfast under Clay's edict that she wasn't welcome back until she learned the value of family. She hadn't returned since but had left several drunken messages on Juice's phone apologizing and begging for forgiveness. Telling him how much she loved him but he couldn't call her back, they'd strip his patch for that.

…

Clay downed his shot while Gemma put a well-manicured hand on his arm. She smiled at her husband as they looked over the party but her smile held an empty quality. Their family wasn't complete, they were missing a valuable component and they all felt it. Clay caught her eye and nodded, they didn't need to speak as they shared their pain. They thought they had raised their daughter better than that, taught her the value of family. The value of trust. As Gemma placed a kiss to her husband's lips she was filled with resolve. She'd get her baby back so that no more birthdays would be as miserable as this one.

…

**Belfast**

Milla's fingernails scored the skin on his back as he moved inside of her. She moaned as he hit that sweet spot over and over again. He grunted in satisfaction as her walls closed around him. This had to be a record; he'd never made her cum this much. Soon he was spent and rolled off her as she flopped back bonelessly.

"When will Keegan be back?" He asked as he lay on his back and lit a fag. He liked it when Keegan was out of town; it meant he got unlimited access to the beauty under the guise of "protection".

"Two days. It's been a year since the bombing, he's going to Annie's grave then he'll be on a bender. Don't worry; you'll have plenty of warning." She smiled at Cormac and moved to his side. Before he came along she never thought she'd be capable of cheating, no matter how much she despised her husband. The one kiss she shared with Juice, one of the happiest moments in her life, had been marred by her guilt. Now she wished she could have access to the man she really wanted because, as good as Cormac was, she knew Juice would have made her feel things she'd never felt before.

"Good, I haven't had this much access ta ya in a long time." He smiled and kissed the girl, thankful that her boy wasn't here. It meant he could make her scream.

…

Kerrianne looked at the phone in her hand and crossed herself. She knew stealing was bad, a sin, but this was for a good cause. She'd seen her friend and surrogate big sister go from a happy, loving woman to a cross, bitter witch ever since they got back from Charming all that time ago. The only people she showed kindness to besides her son were Kerri and Trinny, even her Ma got the sharp edge of Milla's tongue from time to time and Kerri didn't like it. She wanted her big sister happy again and if it meant stealing her phone to make a few calls she would. It was worth the Hail Mary's in the end.

With a deep breath she took out her phone and programmed the numbers from Milla's, she knew they wouldn't answer a call from Milla's phone but her number was strange, they'd have to answer. She dialed the first number and got an answerphone, the same with the second. With the third she got what she wanted.

"Teller-Morrow Automotive." Kerri grinned; she knew she'd reach someone there. "Hello."

"Sorry Ma'am, I was wonderin' if a Mrs. Gemma Morrow was available." She prided herself on being a polite girl and hoped it would work to her benefit.

"It's Teller and who am I speaking to darlin'" Gemma was surprised by how young the voice on the other end of the phone sounded and Irish. She hoped this wasn't the call she'd been dreading ever since Milla got on that plane.

"That's not important Ma'am. I'm a friend a' Milla's and she doesn't know I'm speakin' to ya. Is there any way I could talk ta yer husband too?" Gemma bit her lip as she realized who was on the phone. Part of her wanted to get Chibs in to talk to his little girl, but she knew the kid was on a mission.

"Can you hold on for a second darlin'? I'll find her Dad but I need you to stay on the line." She was desperate for any news on her daughter and if Kerrianne would risk Jimmy's wrath by calling Charming this had to be important.

"Only a little bit, this call's gettin expensive." Kerri would get to her Ma the second she hung up. Fiona would understand the importance of the call.

"Give me a number I can call ya back on sweetheart. That won't cost you as much." Gemma wanted this conversation to continue and hoped the girl would take direction.

"Do ya promise you'll call me back?" Kerri liked the idea of not having to explain the phone bill but didn't trust that the woman would call back.

"I promise, I'll get her dad too. Hold tight for a few minutes." Gemma got the number then hung up and moved out of the office as fast as her bitch boots could carry her and found her husband in the clubhouse talking to Tig.

"Clay, I need you in the office!" She said with urgency and Clay stood up. Whatever Gemma wanted it had shaken her up. With a nod to Tig he followed Gemma to the office.

"What's going on that's got you so worked up?" He asked as Gemma picked up a piece of paper from her desk.

"I just got a call from Chibs's Kerrianne. She called because of Milla, we didn't get into details but it sounded important." She picked up the phone and Clay gave her a level stage.

"Baby..." He warned but Gemma looked at the paper again.

"Maybe she's learned her lesson and wants to come home but knew better than to call us herself. Maybe the bastard's hurt her and she needs our help. Baby, she may have made a huge mistake but she's still our little girl and you can't tell me that you don't miss Little Clay." At the mention of his grandson he felt a sharp pain in his chest. He did miss that little boy and he missed his daughter but she'd made her choice and, no matter how much hit hurt he needed to stand by his Club's decision. She wasn't allowed back until she left the prick.

"Kerrianne's takin a huge risk callin us so we should at least hear what she has to say." Gemma nodded to her husband and dialed the number before she put the phone on speaker.

…

Kerri was just about to give up hope when her cellphone rang. She felt the knots in her stomach tighten as she thought about what she was doing. She was taking a risk, snitching on one of her Da's men but it would be worth it to get her Milla back.

"You there darlin'?" Gemma asked and Kerri let out the breath of air she'd been holding in.

"Yeah, I'm here Ma'am." She rubbed her sweating palms on her jeans as she thought about how she was going to say what she wanted to say.

"Her dad's here too, what did you want to tell us?" Gemma felt her chest tighten at the possibilities, she knew that whatever it was, it wasn't good.

"Milla needs ta be able ta go home. She's not the same person she was. She's gotten mean and hateful and barely has a shred a' kindness. I heard why she was kicked out and I want ya ta know that it's not her fault, it's Keegan's!" Kerri said hotly and Gemma looked at Clay.

"Whaddya mean sweetheart?" Gemma felt a bit of hope for the first time in a long time and Clay had to force the hope within him down.

"I heard her talkin ta Trinny one day. She wanted ta go home, take care a Clay. She even said she had a man there she loved but Keegan threatened Clay, was goin' ta take him from her, have her labeled unfit. He coulda done it too; the judges around here are all my Da's men. She had ta go, he gave her no choice. Now she's sad and angry all the time and drinkin' like a fish. She needs ta go home; ya need ta set her right!" Gemma looked at Clay with eyes shining with hope. He nodded, he'd still have to take it to vote but this changed everything. His little girl had no choice, hell Little Clay was her boy nothing else mattered.

"This is Milla's dad sweetheart. It's not that easy, her exile was a Club decision and we need to bring it to vote, but what you've said will make a difference. You're sure you heard she was threatened?" Clay had to be sure, he couldn't let his happiness at the prospect of having his daughter and grandson back cloud his judgment.

"Yes sir, I've also heard Keegan talkin to Da. He's got judges ready if she goes. Please sir; I just want my Milla back. Talk to my Da, let him know it's ok for Milla ta come back, then he'll make Keegan let her go. Please." As the young girl begged Clay felt his heart squeeze. His little girl needed to come home and this little girl would risk everything to see it happened.

"I'm not promisin' anythin' but I'll bring this up in church. Thank you for lettin' us know." He got up and kissed his wife's temple before he left. He had to talk to his SaA and VP before he brought this up at the Redwood.

"Yer welcome sir. I have ta go, my Ma just walked through the door. You'll at least think about it, right Ma'am, sir?" Kerri was desperate and needed the reassurance.

"We'll be thinkin about nothin else darlin'. Thank you for bein' so brave." Gemma felt tears in her eyes and willed them away. She wouldn't cry, especially for something happy.

"Thank you for listenin'. Kerri hung up and plced her phone and Milla's in her purse. She'd sneak it back when Milla dropped by later to collect her son. She just hoped she wasn't looking for it now.

…

As Cormac pressed her against the shower wall Milla closed her eyes and let her mind replay that fantasy that replayed a million times before. In her fantasy the man inside of her had a close cropped mohawk with tats on the shaved portion of his skull. He was strong with calloused hands and his eyes were a chocolate brown and radiated love for her. As soon as her mind got to his eyes she lost control and came, digging her nails into his shoulders as Cormac grinned. She opened her eyes and saw the smug pride on his face and felt like scolding him. He was taking credit for another man's pleasure.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note: <strong>This concludes the first chapter of my new story _The Scars of Your Love_, the title was inspired by the amazing song "Rolling in the Deep" by Adele. I felt that that line was exactly what I needed to convey the tone of this story. I promise things will get better for Milla but it will take time to get there. I hope you like it. Thank you in advance for reading and reviewing.


	2. I'm Movin' On

**I own nothing you recognize. All original characters and storylines are my own.**

**_I'm Movin' On_**

_I've dealt with my ghosts and I've faced all my demons_  
><em> Finally content with a past I regret<em>  
><em> I've found you find strength in your moments of weakness<em>  
><em> For once I'm at peace with myself<em>  
><em> I've been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too long<em>  
><em> I'm movin' on<em>

_ I've lived in this place and I know all the faces_  
><em> Each one is different but they're always the same<em>  
><em> They mean me no harm but it's time that I face it<em>  
><em> They'll never allow me to change<em>  
><em> But I never dreamed home would end up where I don't belong<em>  
><em> I'm movin' on<em>

_ I'm movin' on_  
><em> At last I can see life has been patiently waiting for me<em>  
><em> And I know there's no guarantees, but I'm not alone<em>  
><em> There comes a time in everyone's life<em>  
><em> When all you can see are the years passing by<em>  
><em> And I have made up my mind that those days are gone<em>

_I sold what I could and packed what I couldn't_  
><em> Stopped to fill up on my way out of town<em>  
><em> I've loved like I should but lived like I shouldn't<em>  
><em> I had to lose everything to find out<em>  
><em> Maybe forgiveness will find me somewhere down this road<em>  
><em> I'm movin' on<em>

_ I'm movin' on_  
><em> I'm movin' on -<em>**Rascal Flatts**

**...**

**Charming**

Clay stood at the window smoking his stogy and wondering how things had turned out like they did. He knew reversing an exile would be trcky, but he didn't count on the amount of hurt that still hung around the heads of his men. He also didn't count on his Intelligence Officer still harboring resentment. As he contemplated the vote there was a cough behind him and he turned around to see Juice holding some papers in his hands.

"I did some thinking. Jax was right. Milla never would've believed the mick over me. He had to have somethin' on her to get her to switch up like that." Juice rubbed his hand over his face and Clay looked over at him.

"What are you sayin' Juicy?" He turned and Juice put the papers on the Redwood.

"I'm saying that if you bring this back to vote I won't "nay"." Clay nodded and Juice turned and walked out of the chapel, still hurting but now a bit of guilt sagged his shoulders.

Clay turned back to the window. He'd bring it up for vote again on Friday and hopefully Jax would be able to lobby with Piney and Chibs. Now that Juice was voting for the reversal the other two needed convincing.

…

**Belfast**

Milla stood at the counter with her orange juice and watched her son in his booster seat. She'd fed him breakfast and now he was scribbling all over the coloring book his Auntie Trinny had given him. She smiled; he was worth all this shit.

"Mama, color." Little Clay said as he pointed a crayon in her direction and she smiled wider.

"Ok baby." She said quietly, but before she went to her son she went to the freezer and took out her bottle of vodka. Her orange juice was missing a vital component.

"Havin' a liquid breakfast are ya?" She jumped, startled, but composed herself quickly and screwed the cap back on the vodka and put it back in the freezer without pouring any.

"I was…How was the trip?" She asked her husband with false civility. She didn't give a damn about his trip or about him anymore.

"How do you t'ink?" He asked snidely before he walked to his son and kissed his cheek. "Where's Cormac?"

"He went to the store. We're out of coffee. Want me to make you breakfast?" She asked as she took out a skillet and he eyed her warily.

"Can't, I've got ta meet with Jimmy." He kissed his son's cheek again before he walked up to his wife and brought his mouth to her ear. "Next time ya give yer man an alibi, make sure he's outta the shower an' his coat isn't hangin in the entryway."

He kissed her cheek and walked back out the door he'd come in while Milla gripped the counter. Once she was done with her minor panic attack she walked to the freezer and took out the vodka and was going to pour it in her orange juice until she looked at her son.

"Mama's doing this for you baby. She's not gonna let your Da get the upper hand." She undid the top of the bottle and poured the contents down the drain and felt like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders. She'd need a clear head if she wanted to stay ahead of Keegan. The coat was an oversight she never should have made.

…

**Charming**

Jax watched Chibs as the Scotsman wiped grease off his hands. Ever since church had ended his brother had been working nonstop. It was like he was a shark and had to "keep swimming". Jax got that, understood it, but what he didn't get was his brother's "nay" vote. He knew that Chibs loved his sister like a daughter, went out of his way to defend and protect her but now he wasn't willing to overlook his hurt to bring her home. Deciding that it was time to investigate Jax took a cigarette out of his pack, and lit it as he walked to Chibs.

"I ain't votin' "yay" brother so you'd be better off if ya kept walkin." Chibs took out a pan full of spark plugs and picked up the newest looking one.

"Just tell me why." Jax leaned against the workbench and Chibs wiped some imaginary dirt off the plug.

"Two reasons Jackie-boy. One, she chose them. I know the McBastard threatened the boy but we coulda helped her. We coulda used our connections to keep them here and safe. Keegan an' Jimmy wouldn't have been able ta touch them. Two, my little girl was riskin' herself to let us know and maybe Milla manipulated her inta doin it. She's Gemma's girl, I wouldn't put it past 'er." He put the spark plug back and Jax took a drag.

"You had us when Jimmy threatened Fiona and Kerri. You could've brought them here to be protected." Jax knew it was a low blow but he had to show Chibs just where his argument turned hypocritical.

"It's not the same thing brother. Not the same bloody thing at all. Milla coulda come to us; we coulda talked to the council." Chibs was insistent.

"You're forgetting something important Chibs. Milla didn't have the luxury of time. She had to decide quickly and made the only decision she could in the time she had. By the time she could've realized that she had options she was already exiled and in Belfast. There was no going back." He took another drag of his cigarette and Chibs looked at the ground.

"Did she call ya? Beggin and pleadin and apologizing?" Chibs stared at his hands and Jax nodded.

"Yeah, I think she called everyone." Jax looked at Chibs again and Chibs sighed.

"I wanted ta call back each time, tell her we love her and want her home but I didn't. Then she stopped callin'. I accepted it; she wasn't gonna be my Tiny again." He took a deep breath. "Now she could be comin' back? I don't know Jackie boy. If she's changed that much do we want her back?"

"She's my sister; I never wanted her to leave in the first place. Only reason I voted for the exile was because I thought it would be a temporary thing. Never dreamed it would go this long. You still think she put Kerri up to it, that she's fucking with us?" Jax could see the misery on his friend's face but pressed on. "You think she's working for the IRA now?"

"I never thought that Jackie. I know my Kerri would know better than to risk herself fer somethin' stupid. She really wants Milla back here…I want her back." Chibs stood up from his seat by the bench and clapped Jax on the back. "This comes ta vote again I'll vote "yay". I'll talk ta Juicy too, see where his head's at now."

Jax nodded as he watched his brother walk away. One down and two to go, then he'd have his sister back and things would finally feel right again.

…

**Belfast**

"He's had the sniffles today, but otherwise he's fine." Milla told Fiona as she passed her son to the older woman.

"How 'bout you lovey? You fine?" Fiona asked as she looked at the young woman. For the first time in a long time Milla wasn't hung over as she dropped off her son. In fact her eyes were clear, her color pale but without the flush of drink and her smile genuine.

"Better than I've been in a long time. I realized today that I was hurting myself and wanted to hurt myself, but as I was doing that I was hurting Little Clay. He needs at least one parent that can keep their shit together. He needs me." Milla held her head high and Fiona leaned down to kiss her cheek.

"I'm glad ta have ya back lovey." She smiled before she balanced Little Clay on her hip again. "Kerri an' I are goin' ta mass later. Want ta' come?"

"I may be changing for the better, but I'm not changing that much. I'll pick him up again when my shift is done at four. If anything happens call me." Fiona nodded in understanding. By "anything" she meant Keegan. The man was a loose cannon and had been one since Annie had died in a bomb meant for Milla. They had targeted Keegan's woman, at least that's what the message said, but some wrong information had led them to Annie. The theory was that someone inside had fed them the wrong information and Keegan thought it was Milla but no one could be sure. All they knew was that Milla had an alibi and Keegan's mistress and child were dead. That knowledge was slowly driving Keegan mad.

"Ya know ya can count on me. Go ta work, we'll see ya later." Milla leaned over and kissed her son's cheek before she stood taller to do the same to Fi.

"Thank you Fi, for everything." With that Milla walked out of the house and Fiona looked at Little Clay.

"Let's go get yer colorin' book. Show me what ya' can do." The little boy laughed then hugged Fiona.

…

"Thank you and have a lovely day!" Milla said in a chipper tone and the old man gave her a smile in thanks.

"Wha's got you so happy? Keegan fall down a well?" Maureen asked as she stood next to the young woman and moved to hand her her flask. Ever since Milla had accepted that life was nothing but misery and disappointment the two women had started to bond, though the word friend would never be used in relation to them.

"Wan' a nip, McGee got me some good stuff." Milla shook her head and got her bottle of Irn Bru out from under the counter.

"Naw, I'm trying to cut back, maybe stop completely. I may be miserable but my boy needs me." She sipped her drink and Maureen blinked at her. Stop completely? The daft little bitch didn't realize that she'd need it more in times to come. She was just making things harder on herself.

"Do wha' ya need ta do. Jus' remember tha' things are jut gonna get harder. There're no easy paths in this life." Milla looked contemplatively at the flask then looked at Maureen.

"Nothing's easy, but I want my son to have good memories of his Mama. I don't want all his memories of me to be of a drunk bitch stumbling around and picking fights. He deserves better than that." Milla put her bottle back under the counter and moved out from behind it. "I'm going on my break now. I'll be down in fifteen minutes."

Maureen just nodded and watched the girl disappear up the stairs before she looked at the flask in her hand. As she thought about Milla's words she put the flask in the cubby under the counter and stared at her hands, shaking from lack of alcohol in her system. Were those the memories her Trinny had? The bell above the door rang and Maureen composed herself. She had a customer to serve.

…

**Charming**

Juice sat on the picnic table staring at nothing. He'd spent so long hurting and hating that now he was numb. It was the only safe thing to feel now. Now that he knew the truth there was no way he could stay angry at Milla and that anger was the only thing that had kept him in check for the last year and a half. That anger had been the thing that forced him to move on. As if sensing his thoughts his cell vibrated in his pocket and he took it out, the text announcement was flashing on the screen.

_Love U! Be at T-M in a few!_

He cursed, he definitely didn't need to see her now. He had far too much thinking to do and seeing her would throw him off. Just as he was going to tell her to go home, her Bug pulled into the lot and he cursed again.

"Baby!" She yelled as soon as she got out of the car and he looked at this woman who was his. Her dark hair, tiny body and cheekbones all eerily reminiscent of the woman he'd spent eighteen months trying to forget.

"Hey babe." He said quietly as he took her into his arms an ran a hand down her back, resting it on the mark she'd had inked in her lower back, his name in cursive. He hadn't lied to Keegan in that long ago conversation. Only one woman would have his crow.


	3. Square One

**I own nothing you recognize. All original characters and storylines are my own.**

_**Square One**_

_Had to find some higher ground_

_Had some fear to get around_

_You can't say what you don't know_

_Later on won't work no more_

_Last time though I hid my tracks_

_So well I could not get back_

_Yeah my way was hard to find_

_Can't sell your soul for peace of mind_

_...  
><em>

_Square one, my slate is clear_

_Rest your head and meet my dear_

_It took a world of trouble, it took a world of tears_

_It took a long time to get back here_

_...  
><em>

_Try so hard to stand alone_

_Struggle to see past my nose_

_Always had more dogs than bones_

_I could never wear those clothes_

_It's a dark victory_

_You won and you are so lost_

_Told her you were satisfied_

_But it never came across_

_...  
><em>

_Square one, my slate is clear_

_Rest your head on me my dear_

_It took a world of trouble, it took a world of tears_

_It took a long time to get back here - _**Tom Petty**

**...**

**Charming**

"What are you doin' here?" Juice asked his woman as their hug broke.

"I knew you'd be going on break soon so I wanted to stop by. What's wrong?" She looked at him closely. Her Juan was never this quiet. He was always full of energy and always talking. Now he looked like the weight of the world had been settled on his shoulders.

"Nothin, just got some news. Listen, as much as I like seeing ya, we've got some Club business to work out. I don't think I'll be over tonight." He said and watched her face fall. He never bailed on her, but he needed time to think, time to process everything.

"That-that's ok... What's happening Juan, seriously?" She was really worried; their Tuesday nights were special nights.

"Never mind Nessa, it's nothing I can't handle, but I don't think we should see each other for a few days, I have a lot of shit to think about." He ran his hand along his head and rubbed the back of his neck and her face morphed into a concerned frown.

"Something happen to..."her", she-who-must-not-be-named?" Nessa knew all about Milla, Juan talked in his sleep, and she knew that saying her name could turn her docile, laid back Juan vicious.

Juice simply looked at her and the look was enough. Nessa knew it had to do with "her" and would let it go. She didn't know the woman but she hated her for the pain she'd caused Juan and the others. She also hated her because she knew intuitively that if "she" ever came back in the picture that Juan wouldn't be here anymore and the tat on her back would mean nothing.

"Just go baby; I'll call you when I'm done thinkin'." He pulled her into a hug and kissed her temple.

"I guess there's no date stamp on that. That big brain of yours never seems to stop thinking." She smiled when the corner of his mouth tugged up in a smile. She'd made it her mission to prove to the world how smart he really was.

"Bye baby." He kissed her lips this time and let her go before he walked into the clubhouse without looking back. Nessa would let him stew and brood and think...for a little while. Then she'd remind him that he had a woman now. A woman who wouldn't bail.

…

**Belfast**

Jimmy sat in his customary booth at the pub. The boy had arranged a meeting and Jimmy was more annoyed than anything. The boy had been getting on his nerves over the last year. He'd become whiny and demanding, wanting "justice". Jimmy played along, never intending to let any harm come to Milla or that boy. They may have been on the outs with Charming right now but they'd come in handy eventually and it was that eventuality that kept Jimmy interested. He signaled for a beer when Keegan came through the door. Jimmy looked at the younger man and felt a smile on his face as he took in the formerly beautiful face. After his beating in Charming, beautiful wasn't something you could call Keegan anymore. His nose was misshapen in a way no surgeon could fix and a lacework of scars covered the remainder where they tried in vain to give him back some of his normal appearance. The loss of his looks made him bitter, it was the loss of Annie that was making him insane. It was that insanity Jimmy saw when he looked in the younger man's eyes.

"Hello Jimmy, good ta see ya." He sat in the opposite booth and fidgeted while Jimmy sipped his Guinness.

"Aye, what's this meetin' fer boy. I told ya no on yer scheme last month." Jimmy set down his drink and Keegan looked determined.

"We need ta get rid of Cormac and O'Flagherty's other boys. They're a threat ta us." Jimmy set his mouth in a line as he looked at Keegan. This was all the proof he needed that the boy had gone mad. Yes he hated O'Flagherty and O'Flagherty was his main obstacle when it came to moving up the ranks but killing his boys wouldn't do a thing, he'd just get new boys. There had to be another reason, especially since he brought up Cormac, a man selected by the council to protect his wife and child while he was out being a tosser.

"Why do ya want ta do this Keegan? Cormac may be O'Flagherty's man but he's loyal to tha cause and he's goin outta his way to protect what's yers. He do somethin' to ya?" Jimmy had a pretty good idea why Keegan wanted him out of the way. According to his spies Cormac had been spending a lot of time with Little Miss Milla and the boy, had been overly affectionate with her. One spy had seen him through the bedroom window one night. Yes, Jimmy had a good idea.

"I don' trust him an' this would be a good idea fer ya. Kill his boys, force him ta regroup. Force the council to choose someone ta take his place fer a while. You could be on that seat. T'ink about it." Keegan has some good points but Jimmy understood the risks of what he was proposing. If done wrong he'd be killed. Besides O'Flagherty's boys were of more use to him alive. He'd already bought the loyalty of one of them and if he could use Milla to get Cormac so much the better. Jimmy smiled; he always seemed to find a use for that girl.

"I've thought about it an' no. No harm comes to those boys. They're more use ta us alive. Ya sure Cormac didn't do anythin' to ya, hurt yer pride maybe?" Jimmy held in a smirk as Keegan's face turned red. He wanted to see if the boy would air his grievance.

"No, sir, he's done nothin ta me." Keegan bit his cheek as he lied to Jimmy. It was better to lie to him than to admit his wife was making a fool of him by fucking another man.

"Alright then, have a drink. It's on me." He motioned to the barman who brought a mug and set it in front of Keegan who swiftly drank. With the day he was having he needed it.

…

**Charming**

Opie sat in the corner of the clubhouse watching everything around him. He'd been out two weeks and he couldn't seem to find a balance. He was a stranger in his own home, his kids were scared of him and his wife was scared for him. The only place he felt even remotely like he used to was in the clubhouse and even there there was a tension, an undercurrent of something that he couldn't figure out. He had a theory that it had to do with their family being incomplete, that losing Milla tipped the scales in a direction they weren't meant to go but that was a foolish thought. A woman, no matter how deep in the family, couldn't cause that much trouble. Yet at the same time he saw how having her gone had affected each person differently. That was never clearer than when they were around the table. He hadn't had to think twice about his vote. He'd missed the drama but from what Clay said she'd had no choice. Her boy came first and Opie got that, yeah the club was important but she wasn't club, her loyalties weren't determined by a Patch on her back.

As he ruminated he saw Juice walk in from outside, silently brooding and solemn. Opie didn't know the Latino that well but he knew enough about him to know that this wasn't like the man at all. The vote had obviously messed him up and from what Ope had heard there was good reason. Whoever said was better to have loved and lost had obviously never been in love with someone who wasn't their's. That shit hurt. Opie shook his head and his eyes followed Juice as he went to the back rooms, but his eyes took a detour when he found his dad at the bar, his customary bottle of tequila in his hand and Opie decided to get up and talk to the old man. Everybody else's votes made sense, even Chibs' nay made complete sense but his dad's "nay" came out of left field and that confused him. He got up and grabbed his brew, taking purposeful strides to his father. He wasn't pushy or overly curious by nature but this was something he just had to know.

"Pop." He tipped his head in acknowledgement and Piney poured himself a shot.

"Son." He tipped the bottle toward Ope who sat and motioned to his bottle. He already had his drink of choice; he didn't need the cactus liquor to feel right.

"Why'd you vote "nay" Pop? You've always loved Milla like a daughter. Hell she was with us almost as much as she was with Luann growing up. You used to say that if you ever had a daughter you'd want her like Milla." Opie knew bringing up the past could sometimes be a low blow with his Pop but Piney just downed his shot and turned to his son.

"That hasn't changed. I still love that little girl and even now if I had a daughter I _would_ want her to be like Milla. Damn kid's always had her priorities straight. That's why I don't want her comin' back. She made the choice to protect her kid. Unless she comes home to stay the target on her will be bigger and brighter when she goes across the drink. I know those Real IRA bastards, if they think hurting her will send a message to us, like to up a payment, they'll do it. The best thing for the kid and her boy is to remain in exile. She may not be home, but she's safe." With that Piney stood and took his bottle as he went toward the couches to watch a bit of TV. He'd said his piece and the topic, as far as he was concerned, was closed.

Ope stared after his father with a bit of pride. Piney was looking after Milla in the best way he could and Opie couldn't fault him for that. Even so, if it were brought up to vote again he would still "yay". He missed his adopted little sister a hell of a lot and he didn't doubt that they could protect her; they had SAMBEL at their disposal after all.

...

Clay finished his stogy and turned from the window to set the butt in the ashtray. He'd done a lot of thinking and he still didn't quite know what to do. He wanted to do what was best for the Club, but at the same time he wanted his family whole again. He should've stopped the vote with Chibs' nay, let that be the end of it but he had wanted to see what the others felt. He was pleased to see that the majority of his men were in agreement with him, they realized that the events that transpired were beyond his girl's control. She was still loyal to the Club, but she had other loyalties to consider. She wasn't like them, she wasn't Club, she was allowed to put her family first and unfortunately in this case that meant choosing the Irish rat bastard over the people she really loved. He saw it in her eyes before she left, the signs that she didn't want it were there but they were all hurt and Juice was vocal. She had to go to keep the Club solid...to keep them united. With a sigh he looked to the Redwood, trying to find the peace the Reaper always gave him. This time he looked and saw the stack of papers Juice had left on the table.

"What the?" He whispered quietly and walked to the stack that, as he got closer, appeared to be photographs.

Clay picked up the stack and took in the first picture. In it his daughter holding Little Clay tight to her as a tall man with dark hair cut into a Mohawk-like cut draped a coat over them. She looked terrified and Little Clay was crying. The picture brought a lump to Clay's throat. The next picture was Milla walking out of "Ashby's Provisions", nothing special was happening but Clay had to flip the picture to the back right away, he didn't like seeing her so miserable. The next few pictures in the stack were same so he flipped through them quickly. In each succeeding picture she looked more miserable and Little Clay grew more and more. His grandson was taking after his daughter more and more; a kind god had allowed her traits to dominate his father's. The last picture in the stack took him off guard. In it Keegan was gripping Milla's arms and the force looked like it hurt but she held her mouth in a tight line and stared at him defiantly. The look was pure Morrow and Clay felt a surge of pride. She may have been hurting, she may have been afraid but her heritage would never desert her. He set down the pictures and ran a hand over his face. Now he knew what to do.

With determination he picked up the pictures and went out into the main room. There was no way Piney or Chibs could ignore these pictures. No way could they ignore the proof that his daughter had been forced into her decision. Her misery and terror proved it all and he'd have to find some way to thank Juice for finding these photos. They were just what he needed to turn things in his favor.

...

Milla got out of the car as soon as Cormac opened her door. He had passed his hand over hers and it made her nervous. What they did in the privacy of her bedroom, or shower or his dingy little apartment was one thing. To display it publicly, especially in front of Jimmy's house was another. She caught her lover's eye and he nodded, understanding that he had to be more discreet. Giving her a smile he gave her some distance as he walked her to the door. They were collecting Little Clay from his "Gamma Fi" so they had to be on their best behavior.

After they rang the doorbell they waited and Milla looked at the man who was risking so much for her. He was tall with wide, storm blue eyes and his dark brown hair styled into a "fauxhawk". She still felt a little bad for talking him into the cut but at first she honestly thought it looked good, now she knew that it just aided in her delusions. Once she figured that out she should have put an end to it, allowed him to move on but she couldn't. She'd been selfish and now she needed him more than ever. She'd gotten rid of one vice; she couldn't bear to part with them all. She gave him a smile but straightened her face out when the door opened and Fiona's maid Louise opened the door.

"'ello there Miss Milla. Come on in." She opened the door wider and Milla walked in followed by Cormac. "Hello to you too Mr. Gallagher."

"Hello Louise, how has Clay been today?" Milla asked as she handed Louise her coat and Louise smiled.

"An absolute angel. Right now he's with Miss Kerri and they're watching a video. Can I get ya some tea?" Milla shook her head; she just wanted to get her son and go. Maybe if they beat Keegan home she could get rid of the majority of her stash and come up with a plan. She needed to get her son out of their situation in any way she could.

"No thank you Louise. Are they in the den?" She looked past Louise and saw her sons dark curls against the arm of the couch.

Aye, you go in I'll get Mr. Gallagher some tea." Cormac smiled at the older woman who made fanning motions before she took his arm and led him to the kitchen. Before Milla turned into the living room he brushed his hand with hers and she smiled. Maybe tiny bits of affection would be ok every now and then.

As Milla walked into the den Little Clay's head popped up and he gave her the grin that made her world light up. She knelt down and opened her arms for her baby boy.

"Mama!" He yelled and flung himself from the couch before he ran into his Mama's arms.

"How's Mama's little man?" She asked as she placed a kiss to his head and hugged him tight. He didn't say anything he just hugged her tighter while Kerrianne gave her a smile and she joined Kerri on the couch.

"Yer looking good." Kerri commented and Milla couldn't help but smile at her surrogate little sister. Her appearance must have done a one-eighty since she'd been getting compliments all day. Who knew the demon drink could do such harm?

"Feeling good. How was he?" She asked as she held her calm, happy little one on her lap.

"Good, we spent most o'the day colorin'. Ma went to the shops and bought him a new book. He's taken a likin ta dinosaurs now." Kerri smiled at the boy she considered her nephew and ruffled his hair.

"You like dinosaurs now?" The little boy nodded. "Mama likes dinosaurs too. There's this place called the La Brea Tar pits in California, where Mama's from. _Real_ dinosaurs fell in there. Your Grandpa took me there when I was a little girl. Maybe...someday...Mama can take you to the tar pits. Maybe even Gran- you know what we'll find some museums around here. We could even go on holiday to London and go to the Natural History Museum."

Kerri watched Milla and saw the pain that flashed in her eyes when she talked about going home. Ever since she'd called Charming she had doubts churning her stomach. She wasn't sure if she'd done the right thing, if she'd risked her mortal soul for a worthwhile cause. Watching Milla's face as she talked about home proved that she'd done the right thing. Now she could sleep at night knowing that she was helping bring a family together.

"Can Auntie Kerri come too?" She asked as she saw the smile on Milla's face turn from sad to happy again.

"Of course, it wouldn't be fun without you." She smiled as Little Clay crawled from her lap and settled into Kerri's while they finished watching the movie. Her search and destroy mission could wait; it had been too long since she hung out with her little sister, sober and as happy as she could be. Even with the hammer that was Keegan hanging over her head, ready to drop.


	4. Red Right Hand

**I own nothing you recognize. All original characters are my own.**

…**.**

_**Red Right Hand**_

_..._

_He'll wrap you in his arms,_

_tell you that you've been a good boy_

_He'll rekindle all the dreams_

_it took you a lifetime to destroy_

_He'll reach deep into the hole,_

_heal your shrinking soul_

_Hey buddy, you know you're_

_never ever coming back_

_He's a god, he's a man,_

_he's a ghost, he's a guru_

_They're whispering his name_

_through this disappearing land_

_But hidden in his coat_

_is a red right hand_

_..._

_You ain't got no money?_

_He'll get you some_

_You ain't got no car? He'll get you one_

_You ain't got no self-respect,_

_you feel like an insect_

_Well don't you worry buddy,_

_cause here he comes_

_Through the ghettos and the barrio_

_and the bowery and the slum_

_A shadow is cast wherever he stands_

_Stacks of green paper in his_

_red right hand -**Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds**_

_**...**_

**Belfast**

Cormac tugged his collar up as he walked into the pub. O'Flagherty knew he was meeting with the snake but that didn't mean that he wanted others to know his shame. He didn't know the reason for the meeting and didn't even fathom a guess he just went and hoped Jimmy would get tot the point and it would be over soon. He walked into the pub and nodded to Oscar the barmen who tipped his head in the direction of the corner booth. With a quick nod of understanding Cormac walked toward the back and saw Jimmy with his man Donny.

"Well hello there Cormac, lovely ta see ya." Jimmy said with joviality that didn't seem forced. "Donny, go get the man a drink."

Donny nodded and went to the front. He wasn't sure what Jimmy had planned but he knew Cormac was integral to some plot. As he made himself useful Jimmy turned to the young man who was staring at him with untrusting eyes.

"What d'ya wan' from me Jimmy? Only reason ya'd call for this meetin would be cause ya need me for somethin'." He stared at Jimmy and the man just continued to grin.

"Ya' don't bullshit do ya Cormac? Yer right I want somethin from ya, somethin important." He took a swig of his pint and looked closely at the younger man. "I want yer loyalty. I want ya ta be my man."

Cormac scoffed as he looked at the man. He'd never be Jimmy's man, he hated the snake with nearly as much venom as he hated Keegan. Besides he was loyal to James, he was his man to the death. Nothing would be worth switching his loyalties.

"Now, I know what yer t'inkin'. You're O'Flagherty's man, loyal, good, trustworthy. He treats ya like a son, loves ya. I don' wanna tarnish that, but you've done a pretty good job o'that yerself, haven;t ya?" Jimmy gave him a level stare and Cormac's brow knit.

"I don' know what yer talkin about. I've never done anythin against O'Flagherty." Cormac defended himself and Jimmy smiled just as Donny came back with the promised drink.

"Give us a few more minutes, I'll call ya over if I need ya." Jimmy ordered and Donny just moved away before Jimmy's attention was brought back to Cormac who had risen. "Sit down. i know yer eager ta get back ta yer _assignment_ but we need ta finish this."

Cormac sat down and glared as he thought about the tone in Jimmy's voice. Jimmy thought he knew something and that could be dangerous.

"Good lad. Back to tha topic at hand. I want yer loyalty and as I see it there are two ways we can go about it. Either ya pledge yerself ta me right now or I make ya and, boyo, I've got ways a makin ya." Jimmy sat back and grinned like the Cheshire cat as Cormac looked at him steadily.

"What do ya think ya have Jimmy? Ya know I won' come willingly." Jimmy continued to smile, he'd hoped it would be like this. There was nothing Jimmy liked better than showing people just how smart he was, just how convincing.

"I know a lot, and even a little could get ya killed. Want me ta list yer transgressions?" Cormac simply glowered so Jimmy decided to get it out, not give the boy a chance to bullshit or even attempt to get out of the accusations. "First, I know yer shaggin' Keegan's woman. That could breed distrust and tha's not good. Second, I know yer keepin tabs on Keegan, ya got eyes on him all the time. Tha's smart but the shotcallers might not like that bit o' subterfuge. Third and this is the worst of it. I know ya went to tha Ulster boys when ya heard whispers 'bout the women bein targeted. Ya gave up some vital information. Caused an innocent baby ta die..." He let it sit for a while as he saw tears form in Cormac's eyes.

"Sean heard the rumour. They were goin after the women, startin' with Keegan's...they were gonna kill Milla. I...I...had ta stop it...she couldn't die." He buried his face in his hands for a few moments before he righted himself and wiped his eyes. "How'd ya know? I...I was so careful."

Cormac's voice took on a pleading tone and Jimmy nodded.

"Aye' ya were careful, but ya gotta know tha' I've ears an eyes everywhere. Even with our enemies." Cormac nodded, it made sense that Jimmy would invite the UVF to his table, if it would save his sorry arse. "Now, I could keep this between us, you become my man and no one ever hears about any of it. If ya refuse me, I'll call Keegan an' let him take his pain, his grief, his _rage_ out on you and maybe kill Milla too when I confirm that you've cuckholded him. Maybe I'll call O'Flagherty and tell him his goldenboy's workin' with the enemy. Either way you'll be dead boy. What do ya want ta do?"

"What do ya wan' from me?" Cormac asked in a voice devoid of emotion and Jimmy smiled again.

"Good lad! I wan' yer loyalty. O'Flagherty wants me gone and may do somethin about it. I wan' you ta warn me if somethin's in the works and if you get tasked to handle it I wan' the bullet goin' where it belongs...between O' Flagherty's eyes." Cormac felt ill but nodded and Jimmy saw the look on his face. "Don' be so distraught. Bein' my man has it's reward and yeh''ll be gettin' a big one. First though, yeh an' I have a mutual problem an' I wan' ya ta take care of it."

"What mutual problem?" Cormac asked as he tried to regroup.

"My boy, for the last year Keegan's been a thorn in both our sides. I wan' ya ta take care of him." Jimmy sat back and watched Cormac nod, this was something the boy had been wanting for a long time. "Once he's outta the way the path will be clear fer yer reward...Milla's gonna need a man an' that boy's gonna need a real Da. I think yer up fer the job."

Cormac nodded and reached his hand across the table. He may be making a deal with the devil but the reward was too great for him to ignore. Jimmy grinned like Old Scratch himself and tightened his grip. Today had been a good day

…

**Charming**

…

Piney sat by the pool table, watching Ope and Juice play some pool. The last few days had been largely uneventful since the bomb was dropped at Church. Everyone had their side of the fence. Unfortunately that side was opposite Piney but he didn't let it bother him. The kid and her kid were safe, that's all that mattered. Clay may have been too selfish to realize the danger to his little girl but Piney wasn't and he was secure in that knowledge.

"Hey brother, come to the chapel for a minute. I've got some shit to show ya." Clay said and Piney rose. Clay seldom called him for private meetings anymore, relying on Tig and Jax to pass on information to the old man, so he knew it had to be important. As he sat at the Redwood he noticed what looked like a stack of pictures in the center of the table. Piney picked one up and saw the desperation on the face of the little girl he was trying so hard to protect, a desperation she shouldn't have been feeling.

"This is why you've brought me here...to try to change my vote?" Piney asked as he put down the picture but Clay just pushed the stack at him.

"I know you want to protect her, there's nothing more that I want but you're doin it wrong. Look at those pictures. Look at her face, the way she'd holdin' herself. You really think she's better off there?" Clay put away all of his bravado and let Piney see him for what he was in that moment. He was a man scared for his daughter and Piney could respect that. For the last five years he'd been terrified for his son. In recognition of their shared fear Piney picked up the stack of pictures and studied them. In them he saw a young woman in pain, trying and failing to appear strong. He saw her misery interrupted by fleeting bits of joy as she hugged her son, only to be burdened further. When he got to the picture of Keegan holding her against the wall his blood boiled. The man had tried to kill a brother now he laid hands on the daughter of a founder... Piney set his teeth and put down the stack of pictures and looked at Clay.

"She comes back and we don't let her go. Otherwise you get a guarantee from the fucking _Council _that her protection is a priority. I want her safe, but I don't wanna see her like this again. She may be alive but she's not livin. Get on the horn, as soon as you get the guarantee, you'll get a "yay" from me." Piney got up and walked out of the chapel. He knew his sudden change in opinion would bring questions but he didn't fucking care. No one deserved to just walk through life. He'd done it for the last fifteen years and he knew how much it hurt. No way in hell the kid had ever done anything to deserve it.

…

Clay smiled as Piney walked out the door. He'd already gotten the guarantees Piney had wanted and even got them to promise an escort if she returned home. He got up and took a celebratory cigar out of his Romeo y Julieta's that he saved for special occasions. As he puffed he sat back and breathed a sigh. As long as there were no changes of heart his babygirl would be coming home and that deserved a celebration.

…

_A few hours later..._

"One last order of business before I let you go. Milla..." He let her name hang in the air and everyone sat up, with more than a few eyes going to Piney. "I motion that we bring an official end to her exile."

"Seconded." Jax said before he looked at his brothers.

"Third." Tig's voice was clear.

"All right, now we bring it to vote. Yay." Clay said as he looked around the table.

"Yay." Came Tig's voice from his right. and so on. Chibs had told Jax he would vote " yay" and had not disappointed him. Eventually they got to Piney and there was a collective breath held.

"She got protection?" He asked and Clay nodded. "Then it's a yay."

There was a nearly audible sigh of relief until they got to Juice. When it came to Milla no one knew where his head or heart could be at any given time. With a deep breath he answered.

"Yay." He wanted her home, needed her home. For the last year and a half he'd been dead inside, thinking that the one woman in the world he loved had never loved him back. Had chosen the man who tried to kill him. Now he knew the truth, he knew that she still loved him and the scars she left could start to heal.

The rest of the votes came in and Clay grinned his too wide, macabre smile.

"It's unanimous, motion passes." He let his gavel bang down and the men all nodded at each other. Milla was coming home. The family would be complete again.

…

Gemma sat at her table by the bar and watched the door. The reversal was going to vote today and she was on pins and needles. If Piney said "no", they'd have to wait a month before they could bring it to the table again and she didn't think she could stand it. She'd thought that she'd lost two children and having the chance to get one back had caused dangerous hope to fill her. She knew it was stupid to dream that everything would work out, history had proven that, but she couldn't help it. That dream had been keeping her sane for the last week and, truth be told, she'd had that dream stored deep in the back of her head ever since her daughter had gotten in that cab. She wanted her baby back.

As she swirled her swizzlestick in her glass the doors opened and the men walked out. Tig and Opie nodded to her before they went to the doors, Tig probably on a pussy run and Opie going home. Piney followed and Gemma could tell by the set of his shoulders that he was thinking hard about something and it filled her with a sense of dread until she caught her son's smile. The look caused the hope in her heart to notch it up to eleven and the wide, pleased smile on her husband's face confirmed it. She was getting her baby back. She smiled as she got up and was so focused on getting to her husband that she practically ran into Juice who was heading to his "office" with a look of determination on his face. He stopped and looked at her and she had to smile. All of the worry, the pain, the sheer frustration that had been weighing down on him for the last eighteen months was slowly receding. He was looking more like the man her daughter fell in love with. She grabbed him and before he could nudge her away she kissed his cheek.

"Thank you." She said quietly and he looked at her in shock. He had no idea why she was thanking him but she did. He'd looked past his hurt, past his pain and had done something good for her family and he deserved her thanks.

Still in shock he nodded and moved away as she walked to her husband who hugged her and lifted her a short distance from the ground. She held tight before he released her.

"Our baby's comin home, you wanna do the honors?" He asked as he held out his phone. She didn't say a word as she took the phone from him and walked toward the dorms with him at her heels. She may be making the call but he wasn't going to miss it.

Once they were securely in a dorm room she grinned at him and dialed the number they'd gotten from Kerri and put the phone on speaker. It felt like an eternity as they waited for her to answer the phone. Suddenly the ringing stopped and they heard a voice they'd been dying to hear.

"Hello."

….

**Belfast**

Milla held the phone to her ear as she stood in her kitchen. It was 6:30 in the morning, no one should have been calling her and she secretly hoped that it was a call from the peelers, telling her that her idiot drunk of a husband had fallen under the wheels of a car. It was a sick hope she felt whenever she got a call from an unknown number.

"Baby..." At the sound of her Mother's voice Milla almost dropped the phone but at the last second she clutched it like a lifeline. She couldn't speak, couldn't breathe as she waited for her Mom to speak again. "They brought it to vote baby, you can come home. We want you to come home."

As soon as the words were out of Gemma's mouth Milla's legs gave out and she slid to the floor as sobs erupted from her lips...She was going home...


	5. Hand of Sorrow

_****_**I own nothing you recognize. All original characters and storylines are my own.**

_**Hand of Sorrow**_

_**...**_

_He's torn between his honor and the true love of his life_

_He prayed for both but was denied_

_..._

_So many dreams were broken and so much was sacrificed_

_Was it worth the ones we loved and had to leave behind_

_So many years have past, who are the noble and the wise?_

_Will all our sins be justified?_

_..._

_Please forgive me for the sorrow_

_For leaving you in fear_

_For the dreams we had to silence_

_That's all they'll ever be_

_Still I'll be the hand that serves you_

_Though you'll not see that it is me_

_..._

_So many dreams were broken and so much was sacrificed_

_Was it worth the ones we loved and had to leave behind_

_So many years have past, who are the noble and the wise?_

_Will all our sins be justified? -_** Within Temptation**

**...**

**...**

**...**

**Belfast**

Milla couldn't seem to catch her breath as the sobs kept coming. All her pain, all her anguish, all the fear that she'd accumulated over the last year and a half burst out. It was like her body was ejecting the bad to make room for the raw, almost soul-crushing joy her mother's words had awoken in her. She could go home...

"Don't cry baby." Milla would've laughed if she wasn't so busy crying. Her mother could be such a hypocrite sometimes, telling Milla not to cry when her own voice was thick.

"Ma-" she started but as soon as the word began a fresh round of sobs erupted from her lips. She'd heard that joy could bring you to your knees as well as sorrow could but this was ridiculous. As she continued to cry she heard her mother's breath exhale shakily and then there was some rustling.

"Stop crying." At the sound of her dad's voice Milla's years of conditioning kicked in and her sobs stifled as the tears began to pour with less abandon. Slowly she started to calm down and eventually all she was left with were the sniffles as she attempted to find her voice again.

"How?" She asked and Clay smiled to himself, happy she found her voice again.

"We got information from a reliable source, found out you were forced into your decision. You shoulda come to us Milla, before this spiraled out of control." Clay admonished and despite her joy Milla found herself scoffing.

"When? In only about an hour I was condemned. Judged and deemed untrustworthy. I didn't even have time to react, let alone defend myself. No, I couldn't have come to you." The last was said so quietly that Clay could barely hear it and he felt a stab in his heart. She was right, they didn't give her time. As soon as Juice hobbled into the chapel things went quickly.

"We did what we had to do to keep the club whole." At those words Milla sighed before she rubbed her forehead in an attempt to get rid of the headache that was gradually getting worse. That was as close to an apology as she was going to get from her father and she accepted it, besides she had her own apologies to make.

"What now?" She asked as she unfolded her legs and stretched them out in front of her. They said they wanted her home, but that wasn't good enough. There were steps that needed to be taken.

"We take things slow, go to SAMBEL first. Let them know you're welcome with the Club again, go to the Real IRA, give them the same info. We'll also take care of your prick of a husband, let him know his threats are shit. He can't hurt ya or your boy anymore babygirl." Clay assured her and Milla felt a weight lift off her chest. They'd take care of Keegan, she hoped this time they'd finish what they started. Milla heard some noises coming from the monitor she had set up in the kitchen, Little Clay was awake and that meant she had to get him up and ready.

"I have to go Daddy. Little Clay's waking up and I have to make him breakfast." She said sadly, she wished she could talk to them far longer than she had. There was so much to say.

"Go take care of your boy baby. Let him know that his Grandma and Grandpa love him." Clay felt a tug at his heart when he thought about all he'd missed in the little boy's life, a little boy who shared his name and his blood.

"He knows, we go through pictures all the time. He has the picture of his first Harley ride on the wall over his bed. I couldn't bear to part with it. No matter what you thought of me, I was never going to let your grandson hate you." She felt another tear slip and wiped it away as the sounds got louder from the nursery.

"Mama!" Little Clay cried out and Mlla forced her, now stiff, legs to cooperate.

"He's calling me, I really have to go." Clay could hear the disappointment and fear in his daughter's voice, he knew she was afraid to hangup.

"Go take care of our grandson angel. Your Ma will call back tomorrow to see about bringin' you home for a few days, then maybe we can talk about something more long term. I love you." Clay looked at Gemma who was trying to stop the tears that were rolling down her face. After a few seconds she managed to compose herself enough to speak again.

"I love you baby. Give Little Clay a kiss from me and I'll call you tomorrow. Now that I have you back do you think I'll give you up without a fight?" Gemma asked and Milla laughed softly on the other end.

"I love you and I'll let your grandson know you love him too. I'll talk to you later." They heard a high-pitched shriek and Milla hung up. Neither of them missed the way she didn't say "goodbye".

"Well Mamabear, what do you wanna do now?" Clay asked and Gemma crossed the short distance and sat on his lap as he grinned. The night was shaping up to be good all around.

…

"The wheels on the bus go round and round." Milla sang to Little Clay as he spun the wheels on his school bus and laughed. For the first time in forever she was completely happy. She was playing with her son, she had her family back and the drunk was on an errand for Jimmy. All she needed was Juice sitting at her side and her life would be complete.

She played with Little Clay until he got sleepy and once she set him down for his nap she started up her computer. She'd kept a little money from her job in an account Keegan couldn't touch so she was going to see how far it would stretch for two tickets to Charming...one way. She soon became engrossed with the search for airfare, so engrossed that she didn't hear the door open or footsteps crossing the floor.

"What're ya lookin at?" She nearly jumped to the ceiling as she heard Keegan's voice over her shoulder. She quickly shut her browser, but not quick enough. He'd seen the site. "Travel huh? You plannin a holiday without me? Naw, yer plannin an escape."

He grabbed her and hauled her out of her chair before he walked her to the wall and blocked her escape. Once he had her pinned he looked at the woman who used to fill his blood with fire. The woman he used to love. Now he hated her. He knew she never loved him, she may have thought she did but he never saw it, she'd always loved the tattooed freak. But more than that, he knew she was the reason his Annie was dead. She may not have done anything directly but she was a Morrow, they were masters of backroom deals and he was sure she'd made one to get rid of her rival.

"Where're ya escapin' too. Ya can't go home, ta Charmin', nowhere else ta go when I report my boy kidnapped." He slammed her against the wall and she just stared at him, the usual fear gone and replaced with confidence she hadn't had for a long time.

"You about done. I have lunch to make." He stared at her and squeezed her arms hard enough to get a small squeak of pain from her.

"Answer me, where were ya runnin' off to?" He yelled the last and Milla smirked, that goddamn smirk that reminded him of her harpy mother.

"You were wrong...I can go home." She said it softly and he felt fear grip him. If she was allowed home he couldn't stop her from going. He knew Jimmy pressed for an end to hostilities and he couldn't keep her there. "What's wrong _love_?"

She sneered at him and he lost control. He let go of one arm and backhanded her. She had no right to talk to him like that. No right at all.

"You listen ta me ya whore, yer not goin' ta Charmin', yer not takin my son _anywhere_. I don't give a damn what Jimmy says." He leaned in close and whispered in her ear. "I'll kill ya before I let that happen."

He let go and walked back out the door. He needed a drink and the pub was calling his name. As soon as he was out the door Milla sank to the floor and took deep breaths, her face hurt but she wasn't going to cry, she was done crying for him. Once she had calmed down sufficiently she went to the freezer and took out a bag of peas. If she learned anything from being around crow eaters all those years it was that nothing took care of a backhand better than frozen peas.

…

**Charming**

Juice sat on the bed and lit a cigarette as he heard Nessa going through his cupboards. After church he'd had an epiphany that had resulted in him showing up on Nessa's doorstep and taking her on a trip around town on the back of his bike before they went to his house for a reunion of sorts. He'd told her to give him a few days and she'd done just that. She'd proven to him that she understood him and was willing to learn the life. She'd proven that she was his and that was the epiphany he'd come to as he happened upon some pics taken at his birthday party at the clubhouse. Nessa was with him...Milla wasn't and she never would be. He'd just have to let her go.

As he puffed on his newly lit cigarette he laid himself back on the pillows, relaxing before he'd get up for the breakfast his woman was making. He'd have to talk to Hap soon, she deserved the crow. He was contemplating the design when he heard his personal cell ring. Curiousity got the better of him and he sucked in a breath when he saw the name on the other end "Rafferty". Shit, he was not equipped to deal with her now, but he couldn't ignore her. Despite his epiphany, he knew he'd be drawn to her he couldn't always ignore the pull.

"Yo." He said noncommittally, no need to act excited. Even if his heart was beating out of his chest.

"Hi." She said shyly and he closed his eyes, he had to be strong. He wouldn't be her bitch again.

"What do you want? I'm kind of busy here." He said it abruptly and instantly felt like an ass as he heard her suck in a breath.

"I'm sorry to do this, I know you've probably moved on, gotten an old lady but I needed to hear your voice. I needed...need...I need you Juice. I've always needed you." He could hear her voice get thick and it took everything in him not to confess the same to her.

"If you come back things can't be the same Milla. It can't be like it was before. I can't be who I was before. You being back won't change anything now." He forced the words out, not completely sure if he meant them.

"What's her name? I'd like to know the name of the woman who's pushed me out of your heart. It's the only reason...the only..." Her voice was thicker than before and he could imagine the tears rolling down her face.

"Her name's Vanessa and she's great. She does as she's told, is great in bed and respects me. She also trusts and believes in me." He added the last as an afterthought, no reason he couldn't air a grievance or two.

"I believed you Juice. Keegan's an idiot, but he knows how I feel about you. He knows you're smart enough to see through his shit. I'm so sorry Juice, so fucking sorry. I wanted nothing more than to build a ife with you and my son. Please believe me. I know I have no right to ask for this but please."She begged him and he knew that she believed him, she wanted to be with him as much as he wanted her. He took a deep breath and fought his emotions. He couldn't be that pussy whipped bastard. He'd survived this long without her and now his life was Milla free, it had to stay that way, the alternative hurt too much. He'd thought that he needed her, now he realized he needed to distance himself from her. For his sanity and hers.

"Fine, you believed me, you were in a tough spot. I get it. That shit's all forgiven. Now things are different. I have a woman, I have a life and I'm gonna live it. I hope you come back for your Dad's sake but as far as I'm concerned your just any other bitch. It's just the way this has to be." He laid it out for her as cleanly as he could, now he'd just have to see if he felt that way when he laid eyes on her again.

"I get it, and I accept it. Do whatever you need to do. Just know this. I've loved you since the first time you smiled at me. My biggest regret is not kissing you the night of your Patch party. I dream sometimes that Little Clay is yours and have since I found out I was pregnant. You're it for me Juice and I'm so sorry it took so long to figure it out. Maybe things could have been different if I wasn't so stupid. Maybe we could've been happy." She said the last in a whisper and Juice felt his resolve start to crumble. She'd just said the words he'd always wanted to hear, he needed to say them back, to apologize but she cut him off before he could speak. "I love you Juice and I hope you're happy because you deserve so much from life. Stay safe and just know that I'm sorry for the hell I've put you through. I really do love you."

She hung up and Juice pulled the phone from his ear and stared at it. She loved him and wanted him happy. Why didn't this happen years ago? Why couldn't things work out the right way for once? With a shake of his head he got out of bed and threw on his boxers. He had to get Milla out of his head. With a deep breath he walked downstairs and smiled at Nessa as she made him breakfast. She was going to make a good old lady...someday...


	6. Stand in the Rain

**I own nothing you recognize. All original characters and storylines are my own.**

* * *

><p><em><strong>Stand in the Rain<strong>_

_She never slows down_  
><em>She doesn't know why but<em>  
><em>she knows that when<em>  
><em>She's all alone feels<em>  
><em>Like it's all coming down<em>  
><em>She won't turn around<em>  
><em>The shadows are long<em>  
><em>And she fears if she cries<em>  
><em>That first tear<em>  
><em>The tears will not stop<em>  
><em>Raining down<em>  
><em>...<br>_  
><em>So stand in the rain<em>  
><em>Stand your ground<em>  
><em>Stand up when it's all crashing down<em>  
><em>You stand through the pain<em>  
><em>You won't drown<em>

_...  
><em>  
><em>And one day what's lost can be found<em>  
><em>You stand in the rain<em>  
><em>She won't make a sound<em>  
><em>Alone in this fight with herself<em>  
><em>And the fears whispering<em>  
><em>If she stands, she'll fall down<em>  
><em>She wants to be found<em>  
><em>The only way out is through<em>  
><em>everything she's running from<em>  
><em>Wants to give up and lie down<em>  
><em>...<br>_  
><em>So stand in the rain<em>  
><em>Stand your ground<em>  
><em>Stand up when it's all crashing down<em>  
><em>You stand through the pain<em>  
><em>You won't drown<em>  
><em>And one day what's lost can be found<em>  
><em>You stand in the rain -<em>** Superchick**

**...**

**Belfast**

He grunted as he moved on top of her. Milla kept her eyes shut and repeated the pledge of allegiance in her head as he continued to move. She felt sick and violated and even more like the whore he accused her of being, but if letting him fuck her meant she could go home without him taking her son away she'd suffer this. She'd already proven that she'd suffer anything for her little boy. As soon as she felt him go rigid she sighed inwardly. It was over, he'd roll over and she'd be free. True to form as soon as he'd finished up he rolled over and loud snores filled the bedroom. With a sigh that ended in a shiver she crawled out of the bed and on unsteady legs walked to the bathroom.

Once she was in the shower she turned the jet to the hottest temp and just stood there, hoping the spray would wash away the feeling of filth that clung to her skin where he'd touched her. With shaking hands she picked up her bottle of bodywash and dumped a huge portion onto her sponge knowing that it wouldn't be enough, there'd never be enough. She laughed as she thought about it. She was being melodramatic and fatalistic, this wasn't her. She wasn't some victim being exploited and hurt, she was a Morrow and they didn't do that shit. With new resolve she scrubbed herself as clean as she could and flushed all remnants of him from inside of her before she shut off the water and stepped gingerly out of the shower.

After she had dried herself off she quietly went into the room and pulled on some pajama pants and a t-shirt before she went into her son's room and pulled her sleeping bag and pillow from the closet. Like she did almost every night for the last month she spread the bag on the floor and fluffed up her pillow before she climbed in. With one last glance at her son in his bed she closed her eyes, when she opened them again she'd be one day closer to going home. One day closer to being happy again.

…

**Charming**

Gemma puffed on her cigarette as she stood outside the doors at St. Thomas. When it rained it fucking poured and right now the Club was in the middle of a goddamn monsoon. First the warehouse blew up and got Hale's attention, then the junkie whore tried to kill her grandbaby in the womb and war with the Mayans was on the horizon. Shit this wasn't a monsoon, this was the fucking deluge. As she pursed her lips around her cigarette a thought came to her. It hadn't all gone to shit. She had her baby back and her eldest grandson was perfectly healthy and would be back in their lives soon enough. With a slight upturn to the corners of her mouth she sat down on a bench and took out her phone. It was only about five pm in Belfast, she knew she'd catch Milla. As soon as she dialed she held the phone to her ear.

"Hello." Gemma hated the unsure tone that crept into Milla's voice whenever they talked. She was like an abused puppy that flinched every time you tried to pet it. She was going to have to break her of it once she was home.

"Hey baby. How's Little Clay?" Gemma asked, eager to hear about the grandson that escaped the family flaw.

"He's good, really excited to go on a plane." Gemma could hear the smile in her voice and a little of the tension in her chest loosened. "How's everything there?"

Gemma did a quick run through of what was happening in her mind and came to a conclusion about just what she could tell her daughter. It wasn't a lot but it was something she needed to know.

"You have a nephew. His name is Abel and he was born yesterday." There was a bit of a catch as Gemma soldiered on, "He's got the flaw."

Milla's breath caught in her throat. As wonderful as the news was she understood far too well what the implications were. She also knew that he was a preemie so that just added to the laundry list of things that could be wrong with him.

"How is he?" Milla silently thanked the god she didn't believe in for the healthy little boy who was sitting in his booster seat, eating his cookie.

"It doesn't look good baby, but I'm not givin up. That little boy needs all the love and support he can get." She finished off her cigarette and Milla nodded to herself.

"He has mine. Give him and Jax my love Ma, I have to clean Little Clay up, we're going to dinner at Fi's tonight and I have to get us both ready. I'll call when I get back. We love you." Milla hated hanging up but she really did have to get ready. Gemma understood and since she'd gotten the information she wanted she could let her go.

"Love you too, give Little Clay a kiss from me and call whenever you can. It's never too late." Gemma crushed her spent butt under her boot and hung up. Neither of them liked goodbyes and Gemma liked them even less right now.

…

**Belfast**

Milla stood in the office during her break and stared at the tickets in her hand. Two tickets to Oakland, round trip. It wasn't quite the one way she wanted but they might as well have been golden tickets with as much reverence as she treated them. She glanced over at the clock and cursed before she put them in the false bottom of the desk drawer where Trinny said she could stash the. She didn't want Keegan to find them and have them involved in an "accident". After she secured the drawer she went into the store and found Trinny flirting shamelessly with Cormac. Milla watched them for a second and felt guilty. Cormac would be a good man for a girl like Trinny, he was solid, reliable and steadfast with enough of a backbone to keep her in line. If Milla wasn't so selfish she'd play matchmaker, but she needed him too much. She needed him to exorcise her own demons.

"Hey you two, are the shelves stocked Trinny?" Milla asked and Cormac looked at her guiltily. He didn't like that she'd caught him flirting, he wanted to prove to her that he was nothing like the men she was used to or the man she was tied to.

"Aye, we even got a new shipment of Jameson, I smuggled a few bottles before I hefted it over to the clubhouse." Trinity gave her a conspiratorial smile before Milla went to the front to check out the shelves by the window, if those were bare they'd never get the casual shoppers.

She finished checking out the shelves before the sound of screeching car tires got her attention and she turned her head in time to see the first bullets sail through the glass. The world froze as Trinity dropped to the ground and Cormac threw himself over her body. He wasn't fast enough as she felt a force hit her arm before it went numb. Soon the bullets faded but were soon replaced by a flaming bottle that sailed through and landed in the display Milla was so worried about. In the space of another heartbeat the tires squealed and Cormac got off of her but Milla stayed on the ground, her ears ringing and her arm stinging. She barely registered when Trinny came over and knelt by her.

"Cormac! She's been hit!" After that it was a flurry of activity as they brought her upstairs and Cormac laid her on the table. He mumbled something about it only being a graze but his face was stern and stony in a way she'd never seen him before. That was what it took to shake her from her shock.

"I'll be ok, are you two alright?" She asked and Trinny cried before she kissed her forehead. When Milla went numb it always scared Trinity, she was used to fire and passion, so having this zombie-like state take over her best friend was terrifying.

"We'll be fine. How are ya?" Trinity asked as she took Milla's hand and Milla smiled at her, she really did love her crazy Irish friend.

"My arm's a little sore but I'm not in the bad place. Did you put out the fire?" She asked and Cormac chuckled as he finished taping her arm. He could breathe now that she was ok but it was killing him not to take her in his arms and hold her until he was sure she was going to be fine. He'd sold his soul for her, it wouldn't do for a sneak attack to take her away from him.

"Yes, love. The fire's out and I shut down tha shop fer the day. I'm goin ta go call James 'an Jimmy. They need ta know what happened." He got up and squeezed her hand before he left and she sat up on the table and looked at Trinny.

"We're in another shitstorm, aren't we?" Trinity sighed and folded her older friend in her arms.

"When aren't we?" She held Milla close and pressed her head on top of her friend's. "When aren't we?"

…

Later that night Milla sat in Jimmy and Fiona's living room as Kerianne brought her tea and biscuits. Seeing Milla so shaken up scared her so she did whatever she could to make her adopted sister comfortable. Milla seemed to be doing fine, but occasionally a sound would cause her hand to shake or her head to dart. Kerri understood it. No matter how many times you've been shot at you can never get used to it.

"Thanks sweetheart." Milla said and Kerri smiled as she sat down, sensing that that's what Milla really needed.

"I love ya." She said and Milla smiled before she set down her tea and pulled Kerri into a hug. She needed the contact and Kerri was more than happy to give it. After the hug they sat silently until Jimmy walked into the living room followed by Father Ashby and Mr. O'Flagherty. Fiona brought up the rear and closed the door.

"Kerri, why don' ya go an' check on Clay. He's not used ta the guest bedroom." Fiona requested and Kerri nodded before she hugged Milla again and dashed out of the room.

"How are you Millicent? Is the arm doing alright?" Father Ashby asked and Milla took a deep breath, there was something so quietly intimidation about the Father and it had nothing to do with the cloth around his neck.

"I'm fine, I'll just be shaky for a couple of days. Things will be better once I'm back in Charming." She nodded to herself but didn't miss the look shared between the men and Fi.

"We're sorry Millicent but we can't allow anyone under our protection to leave at the moment. Not until we discover the reason for this increase in attacks. I'm sorry for the disappointment my dear. You have my word that we'll reimburse you and provide you with an escort once things are settled." Father Ashby said calmly and Milla felt like yelling, like screaming and crying but she was raised better than that she simply took a deep breath and looked at Jimmy who looked at her like she was about to do a neat trick.

"May I stay with you for a couple of days Jimmy? I'd feel better knowing my son and I are in a safe place." She asked him, knowing her place and Fiona's. Fiona had given her assurances that she could stay but Milla understood that she needed Jimmy's ok. Needed his word that they'd be safe there.

"O' course Milla. Wouldn't have it any other way." Milla nodded and rose, knowing that her part in the meeting was done.

"Gentlmen, Fiona, have a good evening. I'll go check on my son and Kerri." They rose and Jimmy kissed her cheek before she got away and went to the guest room. As she walked she swallowed her tears and her screams. They wouldn't change a thing, she'd still be stuck here, she wouldn't be home... With that thought she allowed herself a quick punch to the wall. She'd been so close! She was almost home!

With one more punch to the wall and a deep shaky breath she continued to the room where Kerri was sitting reading to a sleeping Clay. One look at them and Milla felt calm. Going home was important to her but not as important as the little boy with the dark curls. As long as he was safe she could wait, she had Father Ashby's word. If you couldn't trust a priest who could you trust? She gave a quick giggle-snort at the thought and Kerri looked up. Kerri's smile and a quick laugh were just what she needed to relieve the tension of the day and she felt a million times better as she closed the door behind her and sat on the floor by Kerri and the bed.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note:<strong> So sorry for the delay. The semester's almost over and the work load is insane. I hope you like this, I know things are going slow but it will be worth it. I promise! Anyway, thank you for reading and reviewing, it means so much and motivates me.


	7. Almost Lover

**I own nothing you recognize. All original characters and storylines are my own**

_**Almost Lover**_

_Goodbye, my almost lover_

_Goodbye, my hopeless dream_

_I'm trying not to think about you_

_Can't you just let me be?_

_So long, my luckless romance_

_My back is turned on you_

_I should've known you'd bring me heartache_

_Almost lovers always do -_** A Fine Frenzy**

**...**

**Belfast**

Milla stood outside of Ashby's provisions waiting for the "shipment" to arrive. Paddy and Liam had gone to pick it up and Milla was responsible for it once it was delivered. Well she was responsible for half of it but she'd still make sure the other got put up safely. She never would've done this if the request hadn't come from her brother. Just hearing Jax's voice had made her cave and what he was asking wasn't a big deal, she just didn't want an outsider to see how fucked up her life was. As she contemplated this the truck came rolling in and she put her drink on the ground before she nodded to Paddy as he got out followed by a slip of a girl and Liam helped Cameron out of the back.

"Hey! Where's Edmund?" Liam shouted once Cameron was out and leaning on him.

"He's on an errand for Jimmy; he should be back this afternoon. Jimmy said to put Cameron up in Maureen's guestroom for a few days until he's good." Liam nodded and Paddy walked up to her with the girl trailing behind. "This Sherry?"

"It's Cherry." The girl held out her hand and Milla took it before she looked at the girl who looked scared and excited.

"Ok Cherry, you follow those boys upstairs Maureen should be back shortly then we'll get this all settled." Cherry nodded and followed the others inside before Milla walked in and flipped the sign on the door from "Open" to "Closed", they didn't need anyone coming in and getting curious about the new American arrival just yet. Once she'd locked the door she went upstairs and saw Cherry sitting at the kitchen table while Liam took a beer from the fridge and Paddy took some water to Cameron who was on the couch.

"When should Mo be back?" Liam asked as Milla sat at the table and observed everyone in front of her.

"Any minute, why's Cameron on the couch? He's supposed to be in the guest bedroom; those orders come straight from Jimmy." Milla hated being Jimmy's middle man but she'd discovered that her quality of life had increased a hundred-fold since she'd taken on the responsibility and her son was safe so she could deal. It just sucked that she had to betray Chibs to do it.

"He didn't want ta be separate from the meetin'." Milla nodded, completely understanding his point.

"Fine, but once the meeting's done I'll need help getting him in bed." Paddy nodded and Liam just looked at her in that creepy way of his before Cherry piped up.

"What's there to do for fun around here?" She asked and everyone in the room started laughing. Fun...what was that?

…

_Later that Day..._

"Here's the kitchen. Little Clay's high chair always stays there, don't move it. The food's in the fridge, we always have something and if you eat the last of something leave a note on the notepad and I'll restock it. There's no booze in this house at the current moment but if you want some you're free to bring it. The computer is my personal machine but I could be convinced to let you borrow it. Down that hallway is the bathroom and the guest room but we'll get back to that." Milla stopped her progress and watched Cherry following behind taking everything in. "Want a drink? Take some time to let it all sink in?"

Cherry nodded and followed Milla to the table where she sat and Milla grabbed two mugs and placed a tea bag in her mug and a packet of instant coffee in Cherry's. Once that was done she put water in the electric heater on the counter and turned it on, waiting for the minute and a half it took to boil. Once that was done she poured water in Cherry's mug first then in her own and sat down, being sure to put honey and sugar in her mug as they sat in awkward and uncomfortable silence.

"So...you're Jax's sister?" Cherry asked and Milla nodded. "He's a good guy, I mean I like my guy better but Jax saved my ass so I owe him."

"Jax is my brother and I love him but you don't just owe him, you owe the Club. They got you out and safe. I didn't get the details but why'd you need to get out of the country so quickly?" Milla sipped her tea and watched Cherry go through the story in her mind before she decided on an appropriate version to tell.

"I got in trouble and had an outstanding warrant on me. I needed to get out for the safety of the Club." She said and Milla raised an eyebrow at her.

"Why was it "for the safety of the Club"?" Milla asked as she sipped her tea.

"They had shit on me and said it would be easier if I rolled on the Club. I know shit and I know I would've ratted." Milla sucked in a breath but calmly set down her mug before she took in the girl in front of her. Cherry was obviously terrified about the situation she was in and her heart had been broken by something but that didn't matter as Milla sized her up.

"Hap should've put a bullet in your skull and dumped you in a ditch instead of bringing you over the border. Shit I can't believe Dad signed off on this." Milla blew out a breath and Cherry's eyes got wide as Milla turned a level stare to her. "I'm going to say this once then I'll consider the subject done. If I hear you talking shit about the Club or threatening to go to the Peelers or Interpol I'll make sure the Kings know how big of a risk you are. If you keep your head down and do what Maureen says then we'll be good. I want to learn to trust you Cherry but that's a long road."

"I swear I'm not going to say anything to anybody. I just wanted to get out of there and this is where I ended up. I promise you won't have to worry." She put up her hands in surrender and Milla nodded intent on keeping her to her promise.

"Who's your guy?" Milla asked suddenly and Cherry's face took on a dreamy smile.

"Kip, he's the prospect and a great guy. You know 'im?" Cherry asked and Milla shook her head. She'd talked to him a couple of times when she'd called the garage or the clubhouse but that was the extent of it.

"He came a bit after my time but I've heard good things." Milla took another sip of her tea, debating whether she should ask Cherry about Juice or let it come out in time. She continued to contemplate as Cherry looked antsy.

"Can I ask you a question?" Cherry asked when the silence got to her and Milla nodded. "What's up with you and Juice? He told me to look out for you and be sure you and your kid were safe and according to Kip he's got a hard on for you big time. Were you two together before the shit went down?"

Milla choked on her tea and Cherry came around the table and patted her on the back while Milla fought for air. Shit that came out of nowhere. Just as Milla had started to numb the pain and plan a life without Juice and her son at the center the man with the 'hawk had to come back and he had to be sweet about it, making sure this woman would look after her. Damn him for fighting his way to the surface of her heart again. Once Milla could breathe she gave Cherry a look and used her choking as the excuse for the tears in her eyes.

"Juice and I weren't together and I'm to blame for that. Maybe if I get to know you better you'll get the whole story, just know that any feelings Juice has for me are returned." She said once she could breathe and speak properly then she looked at Cherry. "What I just said stays in this kitchen. I shouldn't have told you shit."

She continued to take deep breaths and Cherry sat down. She looked at the woman across from her; she may have been Cherry's age or maybe only a few years older but the stress resting on her added years to her face. No doubt the man that she was married to was mostly to blame. Cherry had heard about Milla's husband and his attack on Juice and felt nothing but sympathy for the woman tied to him. She wouldn't tell a soul what she'd heard, she knew men like Milla's husband so she understood the risk.

"I won't tell a soul." Cherry looked around before she moved closer to Milla. "Juice is doing good, he doesn't tell anyone anything but when they talk about you he looks like someone hit him in the chest with an aluminum bat."

Milla nodded and felt a hint of relief that turned to sadness in the blink of an eye. He still loved her and she loved him but there was nothing they could do about it. He had a woman now and didn't want her fucking up his life again and even with Keegan out of the picture she still had Cormac...shit... She took another deep breath and squared her shoulders, no need for this outsider to see her breakdown.

"Thank you for telling me. It's good to know that Juice is doing ok. Want to see your room?" Milla put all the hurt and all the pain away and focused on the job at hand and that job was giving this young woman with nothing a place to stay and a means to earn and she'd do it right.

"Yeah, let's go." Cherry may have been young and a bit excitable but she'd been a sweetbutt long enough to know when to speak and when to remain silent and now was definitely the time to remain silent.

…

**Charming**

Juice sat at his desk and tracked the departure schedule of the ship that took off from Canada. According to the records it had docked in Dungloe the day before and been unloaded that same day. That meant that Cherry and Hayes had been unloaded then too. He contemplated calling Spud, the SAMBEL Intel Officer when Half-Sack wandered over and ran a hand along the back of his neck, he looked nervous as he approached.

"Hey man, can I ask you a favor?" Sack asked and Juice raised his eyebrows. "I know I'm the prospect I do shit for you but I need to know how Cherry is and you have all the numbers. I was thinkin' you could call Milla-"

He was cut off by the severe look Juice gave him; it was an alien look on the usually light-hearted Intelligence Officer's face. It was a look that said without question that he was an outlaw and you should tread carefully.

"Sorry dude." The apology softened Juice's face as he looked at the younger man. He understood where One Nut was coming from. He knew how much it hurt not to know how the woman you loved was doing.

"Why do you want me to call Milla?" Juice asked and Sack looked hopeful.

"Cherry's stayin' with her and she knows what's happening around there. I thought she could give you a, you know, threat assessment. Tell you how she sees Cherry fittin' in." Juice nodded, he had the right idea and the right person to call but since that phone call, what seemed like ages ago, he hadn't spoken to Milla at all. In fact he did everything he could to stay away but that all came crashing down when he had to keep Cameron Hayes from bleeding out. Fucking Irish had decided to fill him in on Keegan's girl and how she needed a real man. Juice couldn't help but agree with the assessment and since then she'd been a constant thread at the back of his thoughts. He heard a shuffling and it broke him from his zoning. Half-Sack was looking at him pleadingly and Juice capitulated.

"I'll call her but you do all my oil changes for a month and Nessa needs her tires rotated." He pointed a finger at Sack who nodded.

"You got it." He stood awkwardly holding his broom and Juice raised an eyebrow and he suddenly understood. As he walked away he nodded in thanks and Juice just waved him off, he didn't need thanks, he needed the hole in his heart to close. Once Half-Sack was sufficiently away from him he took out his burner and called Milla on the burner she'd gotten from McGee. He waited a few rings before her heard it click.

"Hello?" She said in a questioning tone and Juice felt a twist in his heart but he ignored it.

"Hey, I'm callin' to ask about your guest." He said without preamble and he heard her exhale a light breath.

"Juice..." She said his name almost like a prayer before she seemed to collect herself. "Um, Cherry's good, a little sullen by the lack of good clubs and salons but she's dealing. I hate to admit it but Little Clay loves her. I think she may be the little man's first crush."

He felt himself smiling as she told him about the little boy that he still loved as much as if he were his own. She rambled on for a few minutes about Cherry and Little Clay before her tone turned serious.

"How are things in Charming? If what Cherry says is right you guys are going through a lot of shit right now." Her voice was serious and sympathetic and Juice wanted to tell her everything, but he knew he couldn't she was still on the outside and had to stay that way.

"We've been better. Listen now that I know that Cherry and Hayes are good I've gotta go." He was ready to hang up when Milla made a pleading voice in her throat.

"Don't go, not yet... I've missed you, missed you so much. It's like a part of me has been cut off. Please, stay on the line a bit longer..." She pleaded and he felt awful when he hit the "end" button. It was better that way; a clean cut wouldn't hurt so badly in the long run. It may have felt like he'd been punched in the gut now but that would go away in time. Never mind that the almost two years since she'd been outcast had done nothing for his pain so far.

…

**Belfast**

Milla sat in her bathroom and cried quietly on the toilet seat for a few minutes. She was now in mourning and had allowed herself these few minutes to get it out of her system. With one last quiet sob she breathed deeply for a few minutes before she got off the toilet, turned on the sink and splashed water in her face. Now she could officially move on, it was over and life had to continue. It would just continue without her dreams.

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><p><strong>Author's Note: <strong>So sorry for the really long delay. I've had more schoolwork than I'd ever had before and the writer's block on this story was ferocious. I'm finally inspired again and I have a plan. Thank you for your patience and I hope you like what you read.


	8. Home

**I own nothing you recognize. All original characters and storylines are my own.**

_**Home**_

_**...**_

_"Well I'm going home,_

_Back to the place where I belong,_

_And where your love has always been enough for me._

_I'm not running from._

_No, I think you got me all wrong._

_I don't regret this life I chose for me._

_But these places and these faces are getting old,_

_So I'm going home._

_Well I'm going home."-_**Daughtry**

**Belfast**

"So, who are you sending with us?" Milla asked Jimmy as she sat in his parlor with her son quietly playing at their feet and her husband standing at the window and glaring at the back of her head.

"I decided to send Doyle, he's always wanted ta go ta California and he'll take care a' ya." Milla nodded, she trusted Doyle and even liked him a bit. He was newer to the cause but he was loyal and she knew he'd die for her or her son.

"Ok, I talked to my Mom and they're doing some remodeling and they sold my house to recoup some business costs so I'm staying with a friend. I'm certain that Doyle can't stay." She looked at Jimmy who smiled.

"Is this friend a Son?" He asked as his eyes moved to Keegan whose jaw was clenched so tightly that Jimmy was sure he'd broken a tooth.

"Well his wife extended the invite but yes it's a Son's house." Milla said and at the mention of "wife" Keegan's jaw unclenched. Married? That meant it had to be that Opie guy or a Son he didn't know about. She wasn't stayin with Juice or at the clubhouse. He could relax a bit and since Cormac was staying to take care of some shit for O'Flagherty he had nothing to worry about.

"It sounds like yer set. I'll have the boys pick ya up tomorrow mornin'. Doyle'll be with. " Jimmy said and Milla couldn't keep the smile from her face. She was going home.

…

"Hey." Milla said quietly as Kerri sat on her bed and dabbed her eyes. She wanted Milla to go home; to be the woman she loved again but she had failed to take into account how much having her _gone _would hurt.

"Hey, ya ready ta go?" Kerri asked as she put on a brave face and Milla sat next to her on the bed and took the young girl into her arms.

"I love you and I'll miss you but I'll be back. I have to come back." She kissed the top of Kerri's head as the girl clung to her.

"I love ya too but bloody hell I'll miss ya." Milla chuckled at the profanity coming out of Kerri's mouth but she kissed her head again and hugged her closer.

"I'll miss you too. Are there any messages you want me to send...anyone..." Milla let it hang but Kerri understood. This was a unique opportunity, a chance to send a message to her father, and not get in trouble for it. She had so much to say, so many questions to ask. Did he still love her? Was he ever coming back? Why'd he let Jimmy take what was his? Her mind swirled with all the possibilities but she decided on the simplest request.

"Tell Da I love him." She whispered and Milla nodded into her hair.

"I will...I will..."

…

"What're ya doin' here Milla?" He asked as he moved aside to let her in quickly. She was running a risk coming to him but he was too weak to turn her away.

"I needed to see you. I'm leaving and lord knows when I'll be able to see you again, let alone touch you." Milla said quickly and Cormac smiled. He'd been thinking the same thing and with Keegan already gone for the next few days and Little Clay at Fi's now was the perfect time.

Neither of them said another word as Cormac pressed his lips to hers, kissing her with as much passion as he could muster and she kissed back just as ferociously. The clothes were quickly removed as they made their way to his bedroom, leaving a trail that neither one thought or cared about. Once she was naked he took the time to skim his lips over every available bit of skin before he moved back up to stare in her eyes. She traced his face and that was the invitation he needed as he slid into her body. She gripped him tightly as she moved with him, giving as good as she got and better as her nails scored his back. He tried to hold back, to go slow but she was having none of it as she begged him to take her, to fuck her so he did as she asked and with one look in her eyes dark as his morning coffee he lost control and came and with a strangled moan she came too.

Once he rolled over he gathered her in his arms and held her as they came down from their high. After a few minutes of silence as they caught their breath he heard the sound of sniffling coming from the body resting on him. He looked down and saw tears running down Milla's face.

"What's wrong lovely? We just had a great shag, why're you cryin?" He asked and she moved slightly away to wipe her eyes on the sheet.

"I'm just going to miss you." She said but it was so much more than that. He was her security blanket, her truth among the lies. When she left she wouldn't be able to use him to shield her heart anymore, to give her solace. She also knew neither of them would be the same when she came back.

"I'm going to miss ya too lovely." He kissed her head then smiled down at her. "Fancy another go?"

He wiggled his eyebrows at her and she laughed before she kissed him, she definitely had time for one more go.

**Charming**

_The Following Day..._

Gemma stood at the gates ready to kill someone. The flight was an hour behind schedule and the people at the desk had told her that one more outburst would get her kicked out but damn if she wasn't ready for another outburst. It had been two years since she'd seen her baby and her grandbaby and these extra hours were going to kill her.

"Flight 813 from Belfast..." Her head shot up and she looked at the doors, she didn't know what the announcement said but she knew on instinct that her Milla would be coming through those doors. With a smile that would have shocked the people that knew her she watched her baby girl walk out with a sleeping angle in her arms. She looked exhausted but when she caught sight of her Mom a grin split her face and she practically ran. Neither said a word as Gemma pulled both her daughter and grandson into her arms as tears poured down her face. It was like a puzzle piece had been put into place, she felt whole...the world felt whole as she held them and Milla clutched her back as tightly.

"God I've missed you." Gemma managed to choke out before she kissed her daughter's forehead then a new wave of tears formed in her eyes when she saw the baby boy. He was so beautiful; he had his Mama's cheekbones and brow with brown ringlets that made him look like an angel straight out of one of Raphael's paintings. She looked at Milla who nodded and took the sleeping boy from his Mom's arms. In his sleep he clutched her and new tears sprang forth as Gemma held her grandson in her arms.

"I need to have Doyle get our bags." Milla said as she wiped her eyes and Gemma just nodded and held Little Clay as they walked to the baggage claim. Neither knew what to say as the bags came around but the silence wasn't uncomfortable. Just being with each other was enough.

…

_The clubhouse..._

Clay sat at the bar and admired the look of the room before him. The sweetbutts had really outdone themselves with the crepe paper and the banner and the food looked perfect. Gemma had been up half the night making Milla's favorite foods and made sure her favorite drinks were stocked. Their little girl was coming home and she wanted her to know that they wanted her there. At the sound of an electronic screech Clay looked over to where Juice was making sure the sound system was hooked up properly but seemed to be doing a piss poor job of it. It didn't take a genius to understand why the usually technically savvy young man was out of it. Clay was one of those non-geniuses; he'd seen how the situation with his little girl had put the young man through the wringer but now was the time for him to prove he could look past it. Hell the boy had already moved on! He had that sweet piece that worked in the cafe, a sweet piece Clay was hoping would be absent from the party. He could see her starting shit to claim her territory and Clay didn't want _anything _marring his baby's happy homecoming. He was smiling at the thought of his baby and grandson when he felt a vibrating in his pocket. He smiled wider as he took out his phone and answered.

"Hey Mamabear, got that precious cargo?" He asked and he swore he could hear the smile in her voice when she answered.

"Sure do, Little Clay's asleep in the back and Milla's sitting next to me. The Irish is in the back. Say 'hi' to your Daddy babygirl." He felt some moisture come to his eyes at the exchange.

"Hey Daddy, we're about half an hour away. I can't wait to see you." He heard her voice get thick and coughed as a lump formed in his throat but he swallowed it down.

"I can't wait either Angel."

…

Juice stood at the back and felt the fine tremor that was moving through his body. Clay had just announced that they'd be there any minute, not enough time to leave or even go to a dorm room and Koz was blocking those off. He didn't want anyone missing his Kiddo's entrance back into their lives. Hell if he tried to take off it was guaranteed that Bobby or Tig would tackle him and he'd be higher on Clay's shit list than he already was but the thought of seeing her, of being near her was enough to make his heart beat out of his chest and his palms sweat. Fuck she reduced him to a teenager.

"Gemma's Caddy just pulled up!" Half Sack yelled from the front and Juice suddenly found it harder to breathe but he managed and stared at the door. For several long, agonizingly slow minutes he waited for the doors to open until, suddenly it happened and there she was, his Milla, his love, looking more beautiful than anything he'd ever seen. He felt his resolve shift and knew he was a goner.

…

Milla stood inside the doors of the clubhouse, overwhelmed by the love that was pouring out of everyone in the room. She lost track of the amount of hugs and kisses on the cheek she got as she was brought through the room with her Mom carrying a groggy and jet lagged Little Clay behind who was getting as much love as his Mama. The room quieted down when Koz's spinning hug ended with him setting Milla in front of her Father. With tears in her eyes she hugged her Daddy and he hugged her so tightly that she was sure some ribs were broken. She couldn't have possibly cared less though and hugged him even tighter breathing in the scent of leather, wood chips and cigars that permeated everything Clay Morrow was. Once he was hugged out he set her back on the ground and kissed her forehead in the gesture that said it all. She was home, she was safe and he loved her.

"Millipede..." Jax said quietly from beside Clay and Milla couldn't contain herself as she leapt into his arms. She'd missed him so much even his whining, his cockiness, and his bravado. But more than that she missed how much he loved her, his loyalty, the late night conversations about books he'd never admit reading and the way he made her feel important even though she was the little sister.

"Jax." She felt tears pour down her face as she clutched him to her but he disentangled her arms and moved to kiss her cheek, there were a lot more people who needed to say hello.

…

Juice found his feet propelling him forward as he moved to the knot of people surrounding Milla. She was there, she was actually there and he couldn't seem to believe it. God, she looked more beautiful than anything he could even imagine and he felt the walls he'd put up within himself crumble with each step he took toward her. He watched her, seeing the tears she fought to control the snot that was leaking from her nose from the force of her tears and the flushed skin and none of that mattered, she was still beautiful.

Soon he found himself within the knot of people and he watched as Milla turned to him. The look of pain mixed with hope in her eyes reminded him of a dog that had been beaten but still hoped to get a treat. He knew he had some part in that look and no amount of apologies could make up for it but he would try. They stood staring at each other for what seemed like an eternity but must have been seconds before he did what he'd been waiting years to do. He took her in his arms and held her.

"It's ok now, you're home...with me..." He kissed her hair and closed his eyes as he held her, not wanting to let go.

…

When Milla saw Juice the world stopped moving as she looked into those brown eyes that stared in her most provocative fantasies and provided the most comfort when she was at her lowest. She'd hurt him and still he stood there, his eyes shining with something she never thought she'd see again. She thought she'd hurt him too much, had done irreparable harm but no, there he stood looking every inch the man she loved. As they stood staring she felt the part of her heart that would always bear his mark suddenly flair to life so hot and so powerful that she thought it would burn her, so powerful that she didn't know how she was still standing. Suddenly he took her into his arms and held her tight and she forgot to breathe. He was holding her, all the pain all the doubt all the sorrow she felt was gone. If she could just stay in his arms forever everything would be alright.

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><p><strong>Author's Note: <strong>I had intended for this chapter to cover a lot more ground but I felt that breaking it up made more sense. Besides it was way too large as it was and the emotions in this chapter were meant to be the focus. Don't worry Milla still has some hello's to go so part 2 should be up later this week and fair warning, I'm messing with the timeline a bit, but since this is an AU, I figured I'm set. Anyway, thank you for reading and reviewing!


	9. So Far Away

**I own nothing you recognize. All original characters and storylines are my own.**

_**...**_

_**So Far Away**_

_**...**_

_This is my life_

_It's not what it was before_

_All these feelings I've shared_

_And these are my dreams_

_That I've never lived before_

_Somebody shake me_

_Cause I, I must be sleeping_

_..._

_(chorus)_

_And now that we're here,_

_So far away_

_All the struggle we thought was in vain_

_And all the mistakes,_

_One life contained_

_They all finally start to go away_

_And now that we're here it's so far away_

_And I feel like I can face the day_

_I can forgive, and I'm not ashamed to be the person that I am today_

_..._

_These are my words_

_That I've never said before_

_I think I'm doing ok_

_And this is the smile_

_That I've never shown before_

_Somebody shake me_

_Cause I, I must be sleeping_

_..._

_(chorus)_

_And now that were here_

_So far away_

_All the struggle we thought was in vain_

_And all mistakes one life contains_

_They all finally start to go away_

_And now that were here_

_So far away_

_And I feel like I can face the day_

_I can forgive, and I'm not ashamed to be the person that I am today_**- Staind**

...

**Charming**

He continued to hold her for a few seconds before a nudge to his shoulder brought his attention to Bobby who gave him an impatient look. Juice squeezed her tightly and placed another kiss to her head. He had to give himself a mental pep talk before he could let go.

"Hey, other people wanna see you." He whispered and Milla pulled away, the tears in her eyes making them shimmer like chocolate gemstones. She nodded and turned to hug Bobby as Gemma came behind and did something no one expected her to do. She placed her grandson into Juice's arms. The message she was sending wasn't lost on anyone.

…

While Juice held Little Clay, Milla was being passed around. Faces became blurred and voices muffled until she was practically thrown into a muscular chest that was familiar and not at the same time.

"Hey Mills, long time no see." Milla's mouth opened in shock then closed as she grabbed Opie around the waist and hugged him for all she was worth. The last time she'd seen him he'd been in Chino, now he was here in her arms and she wasn't completely sure everything was real.

"Ope, god it's really you Ope." New tears poured down her face as he removed her arms only to engulf her in a bear hug.

"Yeah Mills, it's really me." He rested his cheek against the top of her head before he set her down and smiled at her while she grinned back.

"Where's Donna, and the munchkins?" Milla asked as she wiped her eyes and Opie gave her a smile.

"She's at the house; she doesn't come to Club events." Milla's face fell and he added. "You'll see her and the kids later."

He smiled at the woman he loved like a sister and hugged her again before he passed her off to Koz, who just needed one more hug. He was happy she was back and he was free to enjoy it.

…

"So, you thinkin about coming home. Maybe to stay?" Luann looked at her godbaby who quickly swallowed her bite of the pulled pork sandwich her Mom had made for her and smiled at her Auntie Lu.

"I wish I could, lord knows, but I have responsibilities and obligations in Belfast. I plan on coming home more often though. I think my baby boy already likes it here." She felt tears at the back of her eyes when she saw her father cradling his sleeping grandson while her mom ran her fingers through his curls.

"Good, now that you've come back to us, we don't wanna lose you again." Luann pulled Milla over and kissed the top of her head, she was glad to have her baby girl back and she hoped nothing would fuck this up.

"I don't want to lose any of you either." Milla smiled again but resisted the urge to look back to where Juice was leaning against the wall. He hadn't left her side for most of the night and she was grateful, but at the same time she was anxious. Soon it would be over. Like Cinderella at midnight her fairytale would come crumbling and she'd have to resign herself to the fact that he wouldn't be with her in the way she wanted right now, or possibly ever.

"Stop with the losing each other shit. Milla's home and she's free to come back whenever. Let's focus on the good." Clay commanded while Gemma nodded at his side and Milla beamed. She was home and free to come and go. Life was finally worth it. She just had to work on staying permanently.

…

Later that night Juice trailed behind Gemma's Caddy as she dropped Milla off at Ope's. Opie had left early because Donna was working the night shift and he'd needed to be there for the kids so Gemma had offered to bring Milla to his house. Juice and Jax had volunteered to be the escorts. Well Jax had volunteered; no one else was getting in Juice's way on that one. They stayed parked on the street and watched as Milla carried her son to the house with Gemma following, making sure her daughter was in her line of sight at all times, it didn't take a genius to understand why. She'd lost her once; she wasn't going to lose her again. Once Ope opened the door Milla turned and waved at them and Jax nodded back while Juice raised a hand. He wanted her to know that he was there and would continue to be. Soon Milla was in the house and Gemma was at her Caddy. Juice readjusted his helmet and was prepared to take off when Jax started speaking.

"You know you have our support right?" He asked and Juice quirked an eyebrow. "As soon as the Mick's out of the way we'll make sure the path is clear. No one else I'd have my sister with but you Brother."

With that Jax kicked his bike to life and followed his mother while Juice sat for a few more seconds and let it sink in. As soon as she was free she'd be his, no fights, no opposition he'd have everyone's blessings and he _knew _she wanted him too. He'd just have to be patient and wait it out but if he knew Clay he'd been plotting Rafferty's demise for two years so maybe he wouldn't have to wait too long. He grinned and brought his bike to life. He had to get some sleep, stress and anxiety had led to too many sleepless nights in the last few months and he needed to catch up. He needed to be at his best. He continued to grin as he took off but the grin left his face as he came to a conclusion that changed his course. He still had an obstacle in his way to Milla. A petite brunette obstacle with his name tattooed on her back. With a curse he continued on to Nessa's apartment complex and hoped that she was still awake. He didn't want to wake her up just to dump her, a part of him felt like that would be rude. He looked up and saw that her light was still on, it meant that she was still up and that meant he had to go, there was no use prolonging the inevitable.

"Hey baby! I wasn't expecting you tonight." She said happily as she threw her arms around his neck. He didn't say a word as he hugged her for what would probably be the last time. "I made some spaghetti for supper; I have the extras in the fridge if you wanna warm some of them up."

She pulled away and took his hand before she walked him into the kitchen. In her experience he was always hungry, especially after a party so it was good to have food. She also knew that as long as she kept talking and doing things he wouldn't have a chance to tell her the reason he came over. He'd spent the whole night in the same room with...her... Nessa wasn't an idiot, she'd seen the sadness in his eyes and it wasn't self-pity, oh no that pity was directed at her and as long as she kept moving she could deflect it and as long as she did this shit she could show that she was a good Old Lady, would be a good Old Lady as soon as he decided to slap the crow on her.

"Vanessa...We need-" He started and she felt her heart clamp in two. He never called her Vanessa; it was either Ness or Nessa, the occasional Nessie, but never the full name. She couldn't let him continue so she just kept on talking.

"I was thinking, so much shit is going down around town, maybe now would be a good time to go to Big Bear or Tahoe. Our anniversary trip was put on hold because of that thing so now would be the perfect time. I mean it's not like they need tech all the time and that new guy, Half-Sack, he can do some tech stuff." She knew she was speaking too fast and her voice was rising in pitch but she couldn't seem to stop herself, especially when she saw her Juan just looking at her. She turned away from him and turned up the heat on the burner underneath the spaghetti sauce. If he had food in his mouth he couldn't tell her he didn't want her.

Juice watched Nessa as she flew around the kitchen like a hummingbird. She kept on talking about nonsense and he knew she was trying to stall the inevitable. She knew Milla was coming back today, she knew what it could mean. Right now she assumed the worst and when he walked through the door she would have been right. He had every intention of telling her that what they had couldn't compare to what he could have with Milla. He didn't intend to let her off gently; he wanted to hurt her so she would hate him. If she hated him he couldn't feel guilty because then it would be her choice. Now he saw her so desperate to keep him, desperate to be good enough. It suddenly hit him that the desperation had always been there; she'd listened as he'd rambled on about Milla, held her tongue when the name he moaned wasn't hers. She'd wanted _him_, not his patch and had stayed loyal, even when he'd used road pussy to drown out his pain. She didn't deserve what he was planning on doing, didn't deserve it at all. As she made to pass by him he grabbed her around the waist and pulled her into his lap and smelled her hair. He could stay with her, for a while.

…

Milla woke up the next morning to a steady tattoo being drummed on her head. She opened one eye and saw Little Clay happily hitting his hands on her head. While he played she slowly moved her hand up and before he could react she grabbed him and tickled him while she held him to the bed.

"Mama pee." He giggled and Milla knew better than to ignore it so she took him to the bathroom down the hall and helped him out of his pull-up. Once he was done she took him to the kitchen and set him in the high chair Opie and Donna had been good enough to set up for him. While he sat and played she looked around the kitchen and was pleased to see that everything was where Donna usually kept it.

"Want some pancakes baby?" She asked and Little Clay nodded while she took out the ingredients and skillet. By the time everyone got up she'd have a world-class breakfast for them. It was the least she could do.

She had finished her first pancake when she heard the front door open. Immediately on alert she held the spatula like a weapon and looked around the corner. Unfortunately it was the wrong corner.

"I smell pancakes, are you cooking again Ellie?" Milla heard Donna's voice and turned around in time to see Donna drop her purse. In a flash she was in her best friend's arms and Donna was kissing her cheek. "You're here, you really are."

Milla giggled as tears started to fall and hugged her best friend back. Seeing her family had been huge but she'd still felt like there was something missing, something huge but now that Donna was holding her she knew what that was. She missed her best friend. They hugged for a few more moments before Donna let her go and ushered her to the table with promises that she could continue breakfast later. They had catching up to do.

…

"I still can't believe you're here." Donna said with a smile as she sipped her coffee. "I wish we could have stayed in touch."

"I don't, you needed the Club's help and I was an exile. I'm glad you honored their wishes. The last thing I'd want would be you not getting the help you need. I love you too much to see that. It doesn't matter though, I'm here now." She smiled and Donna nodded.

"How long are you here for?" She asked and Milla quirked her smile.

"Three weeks, I need to get back to Belfast before... Well I need to get back, but I plan on coming back in a couple of months and seeing if I can't stay longer." She sipped her coffee. "Maybe permanently."

"I won't get my hopes up but I want you to stay too. You seem happy, light, not like you were the last time you visited. Clay looks happy too." Both women looked over at the little boy who was coloring like mad in the coloring book Auntie Donna had grabbed from the coffee table in the living room. Kenny wouldn't mind sharing it.

"I am happy, for the first time in a long time I'm free. No IRA, no Keegan...I'm here with my family, here with..." She let it drift and Donna reached over and patted her hand.

"He was miserable. I kept out of the Club stuff but occasionally Juice would come over to help with something and he'd ask about you. What you were like growing up, did you always have that scar by your lip? He wanted to know everything and he was so polite I couldn't help but tell him. I have a feeling that he's walking on air that you're here." Donna's smile faded for a second. "What does Keegan think?"

"Who gives a damn?" Milla said hotly and Donna raised her eyebrows. "I'm just waiting for him to piss off the wrong person or get caught in the crossfire. Once he's gone I'll cut most of my ties to Belfast and move here with my baby. After last night I know I have a lot of reasons to stay. One reason in particular"

Donna didn't say anything because there was nothing to say. Milla wanted to come home and she wanted the man who made her life miserable to pay. Those were worthwhile goals in Donna's book and she'd support Milla no matter her course. With a smile she patted Milla's hand and the two rose to make breakfast, they'd have a hungry group in a few minutes and needed to be prepared.

…

Gemma pulled into the driveway at Opie's house. As Donna's domain, the matriarch knew she wasn't welcome but they were harboring her baby and grandbaby which meant that she had right to be there for the few minutes it took to pick them up. She smirked as she thought about Donna saying they weren't family. She'd bet good money that those words would've never come out of her if Milla had made the offer. With that thought she got out of the car and walked to the front door. She rang the doorbell and patiently waited and was shocked by the sight that greeted her.

"Hey Gemma, Milla and Little Clay will be ready in a few minutes. Want to come in for some coffee?" Donna was all smiles as Gemma stood and simply stared at her, unsure how to approach this happy person who usually reserved most of her venom for her.

"I'll just come in and sit for a minute then." Donna just nodded and walked her into the kitchen where Ellie was playing peek-a-boo with a giggling Little Clay. Gemma smiled at the kids playing and looked over to see Donna looking at her with the smile still on her face.

"It's great that she's home isn't it?" She asked and Gemma just nodded.

"Took the words right out of my mouth darlin'." Both women continued to smile as their verbal ceasefire moved into truce territory. If Milla stayed any longer they might even have to sign treaties. They continued to watch the kids in comfortable silence as they waited for Milla to finish getting ready. Gemma was taking them to St. Thomas so Milla could meet her nephew and Little Clay could see his cousin. Their family was back together and they needed to know each other.

"Hey Ma, sorry I kept you waiting." Gemma looked up and scanned her eyes over her daughter. This young woman wasn't the same one who went to Belfast. This Milla's face had aged by years and she was dressed in clothes her baby would never have worn. The jeans were too tight and the top was too low cut. Hell, this Milla even had tits that Gemma was sure were the product of padding and lifting technology. It was all, in a word, odd.

"Hey Baby, ready to go meet your nephew?" She asked and Milla smiled as she leaned down to kiss the top of Ellie's head and unhook her baby from his seat.

"Yep, we're ready." She balanced Little Clay on her hip and turned to Donna. "We'll be back later. We'll go to dinner at Stumpy's, my treat. It's been forever since I had a real burger."

Donna nodded and gave Milla one last squeeze before she kissed the little boy who seemed to have already fallen in love with his Auntie Donna. With a quick wave they went out the door and Gemma took Little Clay from his Mama while Milla took out her cell.

"We're heading to St. Thomas Hospital, just follow the black Cadillac. Ok Doyle, I'll let Jimmy know. Thanks for cooperating." Milla hit a button and looked over at her Mother who raised her eyebrows. "What? You knew he was here. I'm just making sure he does his job and doesn't get in trouble."

Gemma simply nodded and motioned for Milla to get in the car. She felt uneasy about Milla working for the Irish but she understood that sometimes you were forced to do things you didn't want to do to survive.

…

Gemma led Milla down the hallways as they made their way to Abel's room. She had wanted to bring her there yesterday but with the party and the jet lag had decided that it was best to let Milla get some rest before she took her to see the newest addition to the family. Soon enough they were at the room and Gemma pursed her lips as she saw the doctor bitch holding Abel. This was just what she needed, the bitch distracting her other kid.

"Tara?" Milla asked as she held a struggling Little Clay who wanted to see the baby in the room. Milla set him down but held his hand while she looked at her mother.

"Guess I forgot to tell ya she's back." Gemma continued to purse her lips while Milla lightly rapped on the window and got Tara's attention. She waved as Tara's eyes got wide and she motioned for them to come in. Milla nodded and looked at her mother who leaned down to pick up Little Clay before they went in. Milla had every intention of talking to Tara, asking her why she was back in Charming, when she clearly saw the little boy for the first time. She immediately fell in love when his bright blue eyes met hers and he made a gurgle.

"May I?" Milla asked and Tara nodded before she rose and set Abel in Milla's arms and guided her to the rocking chair. Milla sat and stared at the little boy who had her brother's eyes and the same cheeky look. He was beautiful.

"Who's this?" Tara asked brightly as she looked at Little Clay who was shyly pressing his face to his grandma's neck.

"Clarence Harry Rafferty, my son. You can call him Little Clay for short." Milla said softly as she managed to tear her eyes away from the little boy in her arms.

"So this is Little Clay, you're Uncle Jax loves you a lot." Milla watched as Little Clay picked his head up, deciding that if this lady knew Uncle Jax, she had to be alright.

"He loves his Uncle Jax." Milla said quietly before she looked at her mother who understood the message and knelt down so Little Clay could see his cousin. Tears came to both women's eyes as Little Clay ran a hand softly over Abel's face. This was the new generation and they'd be damned if they'd be separated again.

* * *

><p>...<p>

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note: <strong> I'm sorry if that was dull but this chapter is a bridge to show Milla getting comfortable at home again. I promise the next couple of chapters will have that drama you love and crave. Regardless of the pace of the story it feels so good to get to work on this story again. I hope to have a new installment up every week and there will be a new installment of _Domesticity_ up within the next couple of days. With classes and my Practicum I don't have as much time as I used to but I'll keep this up. It's too therapeutic not to.


	10. Running Up That Hill

**I own nothing you recognize. All original characters and storylines are my own.**

_**Running Up That Hill**_

_**...**_

_It doesn't hurt me._  
><em> You wanna feel how it feels?<em>  
><em> You wanna know, know that it doesn't hurt me?<em>  
><em> You wanna hear about the deal I'm making?<em>  
><em> You...be running up that hill<em>  
><em> You and me... be running up that hill<em>

_ And if I only could,_  
><em> Make a deal with God,<em>  
><em> And get him to swap our places,<em>  
><em> Be running up that road,<em>  
><em> Be running up that hill,<em>  
><em> Be running up that building.<em>  
><em> If I only could, oh...<em>

_ You don't wanna hurt me,_  
><em> But see how deep the bullet lies.<em>  
><em> Unaware that I'm tearing you asunder.<em>  
><em> There's a thunder in our hearts, baby.<em>  
><em> So much hate for the ones we love?<em>  
><em> Tell me, we both matter, don't we?<em>

_ You, be running up that hill_  
><em> You and me, be running up that hill<em>  
><em> You and me won't be unhappy.<em>

_ And if I only could,_  
><em> Make a deal with God,<em>  
><em> And get him to swap our places,<em>  
><em> Be running up that road,<em>  
><em> Be running up that hill,<em>  
><em> Be running up that building,<em>  
><em> If I only could, oh... <em> **-Kate Bush**

_..._

...

**Charming**

Milla walked into the clubhouse as she waited for her mom to finish up the work in the office. She was going to be spending some of the afternoon with Lu who wanted some alone time with her. She kissed her little man's cheek and set him down so he could run to the pile of toys that had managed to find its way to the corner despite not being there the night before. She had a feeling the prospect was on kid duty and she was happy about that. After she leaned back to crack her sore back she saw Chibs at the bar, drinking a beer and looking at the wall. In the three days since she'd been home and she had yet to talk to the Scotsman. He seemed wary of her, like he didn't trust her anymore and it hurt but she wasn't going to push him. As she moved to the couch to sit her phone rang so she took it out of her purse and hit the button without checking the caller i.d.

"Hello?" She asked as she reached down and massaged her sore back, the bed in Opie's guestroom wasn't the most comfortable thing in the world..

"Hello lovely, how're things in warm and sunny California?" Milla flinched at the sound of Jimmy's voice and looked guiltily toward Chibs whose body language gave away that he was listening in.

"Things are good. Little Clay and I are safe and comfortable." She said as she sat on the arm of the couch and slid her eyes to Chibs.

"Don' get too comfortable, remember I need ya here. Ya make a good liaison, I'd hate ta' lose ya." At the shift in his tone of voice she understood the implied threat.

"I won't, I'll be back in Belfast before you know it." She rubbed her temple where a headache was starting to form..

"Be sure that ya are. Kerri and Fi send their love." Milla smiled a bit as she thought of Kerri, she missed the young girl terribly.

"I'm sending the same. Oh and can you be sure to give Kerri the best of luck on her maths exam from me. I know she's terrified she won't level up." Milla asked suddenly as she remembered the look of fear on Kerri's face as she talked about the exam.

"Not a problem. Ya take care and check in soon. I like keepin tabs on ya. Bye now Milla." Jimmy laid the charm on thick and Milla wished she could slap him.

"Will do Jimmy and goodbye." Milla hung up and felt the skin on her neck crawl. She looked over and felt her heart stop beating as she saw the look of pure loathing on Chibs' face. Shit she should have paid more attention to what she as saying.

"Chibs I." She started to say and he snorted in disgust as he shook his head.

"I told 'em you'd switched sides and they dinna' believe me. How long you been in his pocket? Ya fuckin' 'im too?" It would have hurt less if Chibs would have slapped her. She felt tears at the back of her eyes but chased them away. She knew how to hide her pain.

"It's not what you think Chibs." He scoffed but she continued. "I have to keep my boy safe, safe from the Ulster boys, the violence and safe from his father. Keegan's gotten violent Chibs and he's not just hitting me anymore. A few months ago he got drunk and slapped Little Clay when he cried. I...I went to Jimmy's to get away and Jimmy made me a deal that night. He'd keep Keegan busy, running different errands and busywork as long as I agreed to run interference for him. I do shit for him and he keeps us safe. He's the only one who can rein Keegan in anymore."

She looked over at her little boy who she would turn the world upside down for and had turned her own over more times than she could fathom.

"It's Jimmy... ya know ya can't trust 'im." Chibs' voice had changed tone again, he wasn't as angry anymore but his voice dripped with pity. Milla nodded, before she looked back to the Scotsman that had been her first "love" and had earned her undying loyalty.

"I know and I don't. I know he'll turn on me the second it's to his advantage and that's why I have back up." Chibs took a swig of his beer before he turned all the way around to stare at her. "I keep tabs on Jimmy for O'Flagherty. When something goes down, and we all know it will. Little Clay and I have a one way ticket out."

"If Jimmy finds out..."Chibs let it drift and Milla nodded again.

"I know I'll be in danger but I trust O'Flagherty to keep me and Little Clay alive for as long as it takes to get to Charming. Chibs I'm doing everything I can for my boy and I'm sorry if I'm hurting you." Chibs turned around and finished his beer before he stood.

"Aye, we all do dangerous and stupid things ta protect our families." He didn't smile or say another word as he walked off, obviously not ready to forgive or fully believe her yet.

"Chibs!" She called out and he turned around, giving her a blank face. "Kerri wanted me to tell you that she loves you. We talk about you from time to time. She doesn't say it but I know she misses you. She misses her _real _da."

Chibs felt emotion close his throat as he thought of his little girl and forced himself to walk out the door and not show Milla how he felt. He did believe that she was only working with Jimmy to protect her boy, she was too much like her Ma not to make a deal to protect her family. He just didn't know if he believed that the deal was as simple as she stated. He wouldn't put it past Jimmy to use her love for her boy to fuck with her. The man was a snake and you could always count on a snake to turn.

**Belfast**

Sudden light in the darkness caused Cormac to wake from a slumber the dead would envy. As he became conscious to his surroundings he also became conscious of the aches and pains filling every muscle in his body and especially the sharp pains in his head. He also noticed a weight on his chest and cracked an eye, groaning as he saw a head of red hair resting on his chest. Shit... He was contemplating sneaking out when he felt her starting to move and knew he wouldn't make it out in time.

"Shut off the bloody fucking light." He had to keep himself from groaning as he recognized the voice...Trinny….

"It's not the light it's the sun." He said quietly and Trinity lifted her head.

"Cormac? What happened las' night?" She asked as she moved off of him, giving him a long reveal of her tits, and rolled over so she could sit against the headboard.

"All I remember is meetin' O'Neal at the clubhouse ta talk about the run next week, I had a few shots and tha's it. Nothin' else's comin ta me yet." He said the last apologetically. The whole situation was bound to be a shit storm but he did like Trinity and he didn't want to hurt her feelings.

"I remember the shots. You were buyin' em for me an' Cherry then we danced. Tha's all I remember." She pressed her hand to her forehead as if to press her brain back into place. "We musta gotten trashed and come up here. I'm too sore for us ta have only cuddled."

Cormac had to agree, he was sore in ways that could only be the result of good sex...well _great _sex and he wished he could remember it. If the rumors were true Trinny was the best lay a man could have. He started to get used to the idea of shagging Trinny and wanted to go about seeing if it could be a regular thing when a pretty face with dark hair popped into his head...Milla...shit. He was supposed to be the one man she could count on, now he fucked her best friend. With a quiet groan he rubbed his eyes and when he opened them again he saw Trinity looking at him.

"The only t'ing I regret is not rememberin'." She gave him a soft smile and it made him feel worse about the situation.

"Same here darlin'." He told her the whitest of lies and rose up to lightly kiss her. She moved away after a moment and gave him a smile.

"Don' worry, I won' tell Milla." Cormac's eyes widened and Trinity chuckled, "She didn't tell me about you, I just knew. Anyone with two eyes an' a brain knows you two are buggerin' off together. I won' say anythin'. I don' wanna hurt her or you."

"Thank ya Trinny. I know it's a burden ta keep our secret." He let out a breath he was holding and she smiled.

"No burden, I love both 'a ya." With those words Trinity got out of bed and wrapped the sheet around herself. She wanted Cormac and wouldn't apologize for that but she knew that he was a rare bright spot in Milla's life and she wouldn't take that away. Though if Milla found her way to the biker's arms where she belonged, Trinny wouldn't mind helping Cormac get over her.

Once Trinny was in the bathroom Cormac sighed and got out of bed. When he got to his phone he found a text from Milla and set about replying. She was checking in and he didn't want to seem suspicious.

...

**Charming**

"Don't be so nervous Sweetness, your Ma has Little Clay and nothing's gonna happen." Luann smiled at her babygirl and smiled as Milla nodded and smiled back.

"I know and I trust Ma it's just that we're still getting used to being here. I'm afraid Little Clay's gonna get scared or upset. This place is still so new to him. He even asked me this morning why it's so hot. I had to tell him it's always hot here." She smiled as she thought of her little boy and Luann reached over to pat her hand.

"We'll make sure he gets used to it. You'll be here a lot more in the future." She smiled wider and Milla felt her heart warm up. She was so happy, happier than she'd been in years. They chatted for a few minutes before the server finally arrived.

"Hello ladies, I hope you're having a lovely day. My name's Vanessa and I'll be your server today. Here are your menus and I'll be back with wa-" Milla looked up at the server who could have been her doppelganger then looked at Luann who had a look of muted horror on her face. "Luann, how are you? I haven't seen you since the last Sunday dinner."

Luann opened and closed her mouth before she looked between Milla and the server, the look of horror still on her face. At the look Milla looked between them and thought of the server's introduction. She'd said her name was Vanessa...Vanessa...suddenly her conversation with Juice months ago came back to her.

_"Her name's Vanessa and she's great. She does as she's told, is great in bed and respects me. She also trusts and believes in me."_

Milla's eyes widened as it all made sense. This was Juice's woman, this woman who could have been her twin, the woman who was living a life that should have been hers. She sucked in a breath and watched as the woman, Vanessa, turned to her.

"Hello." She said brightly and Luann seemed to pull herself together.

"Vanessa, this is Milla, Clay and Gemma's daughter. She's here for a visit. Milla this is Vanessa Lopez, she's Juice's girlfriend." Luann's voice almost broke and she was proud that she stopped herself. She watched as the two young women began to size each other up. Milla was studying Vanessa like a cat investigates a bug on the ground, trying to decide if it's food or something to ignore. Vanessa was looking at Milla like she was something to be scraped off the bottom of her shoe.

"So you're Milla...I've heard a lot about you." She said with seeming politeness and Milla nodded.

"I've heard a lot about you too. Juice has nothing but good things to say." At the mention of Juice both women straightened and Vanessa pursed her lips as if she was trying hard not to say something she'd regret.

"I wish I could say the same about you, but we both know that would be a lie." She said it coldly, but not cruelly, and Milla just nodded. What Vanessa said hurt but she expected no less from the woman who helped Juice piece his heart back together.

"I'm not surprised. When I left there were a lot of raw wounds, most haven't even had a chance to heal yet. I just want you to know that my biggest regret is that I hurt him as badly as I did." Milla said as tears came to her eyes. Vanessa was ready to go to the back and send out another server when Milla did something she didn't expect. "Thank you for putting him back together. I know he's your man and I'm so glad he has you."

"What?" Vanessa asked and Milla nodded as she wiped off the tear that escaped.

"I'm so glad he has you." Milla said it with all the sincerity she felt. This woman had helped Juice when Milla had torn him apart. She deserved respect, not hostility.

"Ummm, thanks." Vanessa was at a loss. Here was the woman she'd despised for so long, hated and loathed in equal measure and she wasn't some coldhearted bitch, she was... nice. She was also respectful and sincere. This was not something she'd been prepared for. As she stood there, Milla continued to smile before she picked up her menu.

"Can we have two strawberry lemonade mimosas and an order of the plantain boats to split?" Milla asked and it shook Vanessa out of her shock. She suddenly remembered that she was at work.

"Umm, yeah, would you like the _pico de gallo_ or the _salsa verde_?" She asked and Milla smiled at her.

"_Pico _and please give us a few more minutes to decide on entree." Milla wiped away a stray tear and Vanessa just nodded.

After they ordered and Vanessa went to the back Milla took a couple of deep breaths. She'd met her replacement and they were both breathing. She looked at Luann who had a look of pride on her face but said nothing. She didn't need to. Milla had just fought a battle with herself and she'd won.

…

"Everything's fine Lu. I didn't fall apart did I?" She asked as she got out of the corvette and Luann just shook her head. She was still amazed that Milla had taken it as well as she did. When they'd gone to the restaurant Luann had known there was a reason why it was a bad idea but she couldn't remember why. Seeing Milla facing off against her had been nerve-wracking but then her babygirl was polite, respectful and mature. It filled her with pride.

"No you didn't and I love you even more for it." She smiled at Milla as she draped an arm across her shoulders, she really was in awe of how much she'd grown emotionally in the last few years. Being in a foreign place away from family and surrounded by violence seemed to be the trick to growing up quickly and her baby definitely did.

As they walked into the clubhouse they were surprised by the quiet. It was the middle of the afternoon and usually someone was around and making noise but it was deadly quiet. As they moved further in the door shut behind them and made a loud scuffing noise. This brought the quick click clack of heels from the back as a croweater came breathlessly into the room.

"Shhh, the Pres says to be quiet." She looked deadly serious and Milla was about to ask why when she looked on the couch and felt like her heart skipped a beat.

She looked to the couch and saw Juice sleeping soundly with Little Clay tucked under his chin. Her little boy had his thumb in his mouth and his other hand tangled in the collar of Juice's cut. Juice had a hand protectively resting on Little Clay's back while he rested his head on the other arm. As she approached the couch she knelt down and felt a tear escape. This was how it was supposed to be, this was what she'd dreamed of for all those years. She watched as they continued to sleep, each snoring in their own way and moved to touch Juice but pulled her hand away, she didn't want this to end. As she knelt there she felt her phone vibrate and chose to ignore it, nothing was as important as the two on the couch but the persistence caused her to take it out, being sure to remain quiet and as still as possible. As she read the text she felt her dream world crumbling. It was from Cormac…he was checking in. With a quick swallow she stood up and gave one last look to the image in front of her. It was too good to be true and she'd learned long ago that things that seemed too good always were.

* * *

><p>...<p>

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note:<strong> Sorry for the long time between updates. I'm in Grad School right now and am certainly feeling like it lately. The work is insane and I've been going through some personal stuff but rest assured that I have a plan and will try to update with more regularity. Thank you all so much for your support and I can't wait for you to read and review!


	11. Born to Die

**I own nothing you recognize. All original characters and storylines are my own.**

_**Born to Die**_

…

_Feet don't fail me now_

_Take me to the finish line_

_All my heart, it breaks every step that I take_

_But I'm hoping that the gates,_

_They'll tell me that you're mine_

_...  
><em>

_Walking through the city streets_

_Is it by mistake or design?_

_I feel so alone on a Friday night_

_Can you make it feel like home, if I tell you you're mine_

_It's like I told you honey_

_...  
><em>

_Don't make me sad, don't make me cry_

_Sometimes love is not enough and the road gets tough_

_I don't know why_

_Keep making me laugh,_

_Let's go get high_

_The road is long, we carry on_

_Try to have fun in the meantime_

_...  
><em>

_Come and take a walk on the wild side_

_Let me kiss you hard in the pouring rain_

_You like your girls insane_

_Choose your last words_

_This is the last time_

_Cause you and I, we were born to die -_**Lana Del Rey**

**...**

**...  
><strong>

**Charming**

"Hey Daddy." Milla greeted as she kissed her father on the cheek and he drew her into a hug.

"Hey baby, where's the rugrat?" He asked as he looked for his grandson, they were having some shitty luck lately and he wanted to see his grandson.

"He's sleeping in the back. We had a big day yesterday and he's conked." He nodded his head and kissed the top of hers. He liked having his family together, now he had to find a way to make it permanent,

"Good, he needs to rest. Go get a drink at the bar baby." Milla nodded and kissed her Dad's cheek before she moved over to her Mom and gave her the kiss she was looking for then wandered over to the bar where Juice was on his computer.

"Hey." Milla said almost shyly and Juice gave her a smile. They weren't back to what they were and probably never would be but the majority of the animosity was under the bridge and the affection was back.

"Hey." Juice picked up his cigarette and took a puff while he debated talking to Milla or letting their conversation drift. He decided to continue their conversation. "How'd he like the museum?"

Milla smiled as she remembered the look of joy on her little man's face when he saw the fossils and the recreated T-Rex. It was the happiest day of his life and she couldn't wait until they went to La Brea, shit just had to calm down first so that her Dad could go with them.

"He loved it, wanted his Uncle Juice to come with. He seems to have taken a shine to you." She said as she sipped the coke she'd gotten from behind the bar.

"I love that little boy, you know that. How're you doin?" He asked and Milla gave him a smile.

"Better than I've been in years." She said it diplomatically to keep the word vomit that was threatening to spill out at bay. It took every ounce of self control that she had not to tell him she loved him every time they met. She wanted him to hold her, wanted to kiss him, wanted him to know that he and her son were her world but she couldn't. He had a woman and, regrettably, she was still a wife. There was also the added barrier of Cormac in the way. She looked down as the hopelessness of their situation hit her again but still she gave him a smile. She was about to ask how he was doing when her Dad came out of the chapel, hanging up his phone.

"Luann's in the clear, Otto not so much." At the sound of her Aunt Lu's name she looked up and listened to the conversation.

"Why, what happened?" Bobby asked and her Dad's body language changed.

"He shattered Stahl's face." This news brought a smile to Milla's face. She had yet to have a run-in with the bitch but to hear that her Uncle Otto had destroyed the bitch's face brought a feeling of vindictive joy to her.

"Oh I love that man!" Tig said with joy and Juice caught Milla's eye and grinned with her.

"Tryin to prove to the Club that he wasn't gonna give anything up." He walked behind the bar as he yelled. "We're clear of the ATF Ladies and Germs!"

As he passed by his daughter he kissed the top of her head before he got distracted by her mother. There was a noise from Juice's computer and he turned his attention from her while he checked it out. As she sipped her drink Juice glanced up and suddenly slammed his computer shut.

"Clay cops!" Immediately after the announcement the door slammed open and shattered the glass partition. Suddenly the room was flooded with agents in SWAT gear and they went about the room. As Milla was forced to the ground she heard a cry come from the back. She prayed her son would stay in the room. She felt a panic start when Juice grabbed her hand.

"Hey, look at me. It's just a raid. Keep your eyes on me." She nodded and Juice squeezed her hand while she kept her eyes on his. Those eyes had been her saving grace in the past, no reason they couldn't be now. Her blood was rushing in her ears and the only thing she could hear were her son's cries. She prayed that they'd be done soon so she could go to me.

"What have we here, a princess and an outlaw?" A condescending cruel voice spoke over her and still she refused to move her eyes from Juice. "Millicent Gemma Rafferty...I've been trying to get a hold of you for days. You've been quite the hide and seek champion. Too bad we have official business; I'd love to pick that pretty little brain of yours."

"Just let me up, please, my son needs me." She spoke quietly and Agent Stahl made a noise of pleasure in the back of her throat.

"So, polite and respectful. You definitely didn't learn that from your Mama." She rose from her crouching position and looked at the agent who had his gun trained on Milla and Juice. "Let her up, we're done here anyway."

The agent nudged Milla with his boot and she scrambled up, not looking at anything as she ran to the dorm where her baby boy was crying for his mama. She took him in her arms and rocked him and sang to him until he was asleep again. Once he was out she laid him on the bed and ran her fingers through his curls, she never wanted him scared like that again.

…

Juice debated going into the room to talk to Milla, it would be the first time they would be alone together and the thought made him nervous. He kept everything in check in front of people but he didn't know if he could resist his urges if it was just the two of them. Deciding that it would be safe because Little Clay was in the room he knocked.

"Come in." She spoke quietly and he entered and took in the sight of her sitting on the bed, running her fingers through her boy's hair.

"How is he?" He asked and Milla

"He's fine, the noises just scared him. Usually when he hears doors slamming and glass breaking Daddy's back and Mommy gets hurt." The words were out before she could stop them and Juice felt a blind rage fill him. How dare that Irish prick hurt her! With a deep breath and a quick count to twenty he calmed himself and set about asking her what he went to her for in the first place.

"Have you heard from Donna and Ope at all?" He asked and Milla shook her head.

"Not since last night. After the museum I went to dinner at Ma's and fell asleep on the couch. I woke up and texted Donna and she texted back. I called this morning but just assumed that she'd gotten called into work." He nodded, fear suddenly at the fore of his mind. He liked Ope, he didn't want him to be a rat. "Is everything ok? Does this have something to do with Bobby?"

She asked so unobtrusively that Juice had to stop himself from telling her. As he looked into her dark eyes he found himself wanting to confess everything but he stopped himself and shook his head.

"Don't worry about it. If you hear from Donna or Ope you'll let me know right?" He asked and she nodded. He gave her a weak smile and backed out the door. Shit, this couldn't be good...

…

_Later that day..._

"How's the little man?" Milla asked Tara as Little Clay played quietly with the stuffed dinosaur his Uncle Jax had given him before they'd left that morning. It had been Jax's when he was little and he wanted Little Clay to have something to tie them together.

"He's doing a lot better. He should be coming home soon, maybe even tomorrow." The news made Milla smile and Tara felt something in her chest loosen. For the last week every time she saw Milla the younger woman had been somber and serious, as far from the friendly, kind and polite young girl she'd known when they were younger.

"That's a relief, Jax will be so happy when he comes home." She grinned as her little boy got up and walked to his grandmother who was feeding Abel. He tried to pass the toy to his cousin but gave up when the littler boy just looked at him. Instead he leaned against his grandmother's knee and sucked his thumb. Tara found herself smiling at the two boys, they looked so different, one light, one dark but they both had that air about them and there was no question that they were family.

"How does your little boy like it here?" She asked and Milla's smile fell a bit.

"He loves it; he doesn't want to go back. It breaks my heart that we can't stay." Milla sighed and Tara touched her arm. "Hey, can we talk privately for a moment?"

Tara's eyes widened a bit, not sure what this entailed, but she nodded. Private talks with Milla were always more pleasant than they were with Gemma and she didn't risk a boot up the ass.

"Ma, Tara and I are going to have a talk, are you good with Little Clay for a few minutes?" She asked and Little Clay looked at his grandma who gave him a smile.

"I dunno, you ok with staying with your grandma a while?" Gemma asked and Little Clay smiled before he sat at her feet and resumed playing. "Don't take too long."

Milla didn't miss the change in tone or the look her mother gave her. Her mother may have been grateful for Tara's help in keeping Abel alive but she still didn't trust her. Milla just nodded and walked to a small waiting area nearby. She didn't want to go too far from her little boy, especially since the scare earlier.

"What did you want to talk about?" Tara asked as soon as they were both seated.

"This may be rude but, what are your intentions with my brother?" Tara's eyes widened but she found herself unable to speak, which turned out to be a good thing since Milla wasn't done. "I mean, are you back together with him, is this rekindling an old flame or are you just having a fling with a bad boy? If it's just a fling then cut out now but if it's more, and I think it is, you need to be ready to fight for Jax. I have no doubt that you'll be a good mother to Abel, but it's Jax you have to decide on."

"You really cut to the quick don't you?" Milla smiled and nodded as Tara took a deep breath. "I really don't know, right now we're just getting the feel of each other again. I do love him and I love Abel, but I'm not sure it's enough."

"It's enough and I can see it in your eyes." She reached over and gave Tara a comforting pat to the shoulder. "I just wanted to ask because I've always liked you and you've always been kind to me. I support you no matter what the decision. Just remember that Abel's in the equation and that little boy's crazy about you."

Milla smiled again and got up, heading back to the room. Tara sat for a minute and let it sink in. If she did go all in with Jax there was at least one person he cared about that supported them. She smiled slightly then walked back to the hallway, she was still on duty.

…

_That Evening..._

"Hey baby." Clay said as he walked past Milla who was playing with Little Clay on the couch. The day had been a horrible one and he was just glad to see his little girl.

"Hey Daddy, I talked to Donna. She thinks it's best that I stay here, tonight. The kids are a little spooked by what happened. Is it ok with you?" She asked and Clay walked back and squeezed her shoulder.

"You never have to ask if you can stay here. This is your home. They finished your room upstairs so why don't you just stay for the rest of your trip." He suggested and Milla thought about it for a moment.

"I'd have to tell Donna but I'd like that. I just don't want to be in the way." Little Clay climbed up and reached for his grandfather who took him in his arms.

"You're definitely not in the way." He leaned down to kiss her head before he carried his grandson into the kitchen. He had serious shit to think about but he could let it go for a while and have a good evening with his family.

…

_The Next Day..._

Milla woke up the next morning exhausted. Her bed was comfortable and Little Clay had slept through the night but there had been this nagging voice in the back of her head telling her that something was wrong and the feeling in the pit of her stomach confirmed it. Something big was happening and the shit with Bobby was just the tip of the ice berg. She carefully crawled out of bed and went to the bathroom, being careful not to wake Little Clay. Once she was done she went back to the bedroom and sat by the bed. He'd be up soon and she couldn't sleep, all she could do was think.

…

Juice woke up from a heavy sleep to a sore neck and a dead arm. As he took in his surroundings he noticed that he was on the pool table and he wasn't alone.

"Shit..." He said quietly as he gently removed himself from the croweater who was resting with him. He felt like an asshole as he got up and found his clothes. Fucking a croweater was the last thing he wanted to do, especially in Charming, but last night he'd found himself slipping back to his old ways. He'd needed pussy and booze to forget the pain that had sprung up when he'd spoken to Milla. Seeing her there, with her little boy, the boy that by all rights should be his had undone him and he'd started with the booze and had been too far gone to go to his woman like he should have. Shaking his head he lightly shook the croweater's shoulder and when she woke up he told her to get out of there. He didn't need any more reminders of his fuck up.

…

Milla stood in the kitchen, looking at Wendy out of the corner of her eye. It had been two years since she'd seen her and she didn't think that was long enough. She'd been told that Wendy was back the day before and part of her didn't want to believe it, but now that she was stuck on decoration duty with the junkie she had no other option but to accept that she was there.

"So, you're home? That must feel good huh? I never understood why you were sent away, you're your Dad's pride and joy. He would have done anything for you. That's why it came as such a shock when you left." She started to babble and Milla just looked at her.

"Of course you don't understand. I left to protect my son. Everything I do is to keep him safe and protected...yeah...you wouldn't understand that." She picked up the plastic plates and opened them with more force than was necessary.

"Look I've changed, I'm clean. I want to be a good mother to Abel." At that Milla snorted and gave her a smile that chilled Wendy to the bone.

"You're not a mother, you're a birthpod. A mother will sacrifice herself for her child; will give up everything to make him safe and happy. You couldn't look beyond your next fix. If I have _any _say in this you won't see him again once you head off. He deserves so much good in this world and that's not you." She turned back to the unpacking and Wendy picked up the crepe paper.

"I know you don't like me and you don't like my past but it's my past Milla. I want to make things right." She said pleadingly and Milla just gave her a glacial look.

"You'll never make up for what you've done." Milla said and that was the end of it, she didn't want to waste any more time on the junkie. She turned her back on Wendy again and went back to unpacking the supplies. At least Abel could have a good party, even with his "mother" there.

…

_Later that night..._

Nessa stood off to the side with Juice's arm around her waist. She should have been on top of the world. Juice was here with _her_ by his side, he hadn't left her side all night and he kept touching her, almost as if he was checking to see if she was still there. She was chatting with Luann and she really should have been at ease but she wasn't. Her eyes kept getting drawn across the room where Milla was talking in hushed tones to Ellie while her little boy was leaning against the couch next to Piney who would occasionally ruffle his hair. She felt like going over there and yelling in her face telling her that she left, they were Nessa's to care about now. She knew she couldn't though. She was just a girlfriend, Milla was attached to the Club by blood and if they forgave her, Nessa had no choice but to forgive her too. As she sipped her drink while Juice held her she tried to keep the green eyed monster at bay but she couldn't, she knew that Juice's eyes kept getting drawn to the brunette across the room and it killed her to know that this was just an act.

"Hey babe, can you get me a brew?" He asked as he kissed her temple and she turned and kissed him but moved away quickly and made her way to the kitchen. While she was there she leaned against the counter and took some deep breaths to find her center. She managed to calm herself and took one last deep breath before she went to the bowl of ice and brews. She'd barely picked up a bottle when she heard commotion outside. Shit, she'd missed the grand entrance, Gemma wouldn't like that...or worse, she would. As she rushed out of the kitchen she stopped dead in her tracks, but her eyes weren't on the baby but on _her _baby. Juice was standing at the back of the group and standing next to him was Milla. He had her little boy in his arms and was lifting him up to see the baby while Milla kept a light touch on his arm. She felt her stomach turn when she saw the look of adoration on her man's face as he looked at Milla. It was a look that he'd never given her. She turned back to the kitchen and leaned against the counter, this time she couldn't keep the tears from her eyes.

…

"Can you see him buddy?" Juice asked and Little Clay nodded in the affirmative as he watched his cousin. "Let me know if you want down."

The little boy continued to watch everything and Juice turned his attention to Milla, who was holding his arm in an effort to steady it and he couldn't keep his emotions off his face. He loved this woman and this boy and for the first time he didn't have to hide it. No one in this room would protest. She turned her face from her nephew and when her eyes caught his, she licked her lips. He wanted to kiss her and moved in for the kill before he heard a crash from the kitchen. It was what he needed to remind him of the woman he brought, the woman that was his. He handed Little Clay to his mother before he walked into the kitchen only to find Nessa kneeling in a puddle of broken glass and beer. She was crying as she tried to pick up the glass.

"Nessa, baby..." He said quietly as he approached her slowly. "What happened?"

She just looked at him, then looked down at her bleeding hand. She hadn't meant to break the bottles but the sudden rage over took her and she dumped the whole tub, not caring about the mess or potential injury.

"I love you and you'll never love me." She said in a voice thick with tears and emotion. "I tried to deny it, tried to say that if I did enough, worked hard enough you'd be mine but I deluded myself. There's only one woman you love and she's out there, with the boy you wish was yours."

Juice was at a loss, he didn't know how to handle this outpouring of emotion. He didn't have a lie to bandage the gaping emotional wound. All he could do was go to her, kneel by her and pull her into his arms. She didn't fight it.

"I'm so, so sorry babe. I thought...I thought what we had was good enough, I was happy with you. I really was. "She turned her face to look at him and saw that he was sincere.

"I know and you make me so happy baby. I need...I need to get out of here, I can't be around her, or you right now." She said the last softly and Juice helped her up. She hugged him and cried into his shoulder a bit before she practically ran out the door. He looked at the mess then looked around for cleaning supplies but as his eyes swept the room he saw Milla looking at him, her eyes sad and he suddenly felt like he was torn in two.

…

Milla grinned as she held Abel and her mother took a picture. She was already head over heels for the little boy and Jax threw an arm around her and kissed her head as he leaned toward his son.

"Hey little man, you listen to what your Auntie says, she's the smart one in the family." If she wouldn't have had her arms full of baby she'd have slapped him, he was smarter than he pretended to be.

She continued to grin as she passed Abel to her Dad. Once he was secure she went to the kitchen. After the crash Juice had rushed off and she wanted to be sure he was ok. As she got to the kitchen she heard voices and saw Juice pull Nessa off the floor and hold her before she went out the door. Once she was gone he turned and looked at her and she knew she hadn't kept her face blank.

"Uh, yeah, she had to go. Is there anything around here to clean up?" He asked and Milla nodded as she went to the pantry and took out a mop, broom and dustpan. They were quiet as they cleaned up the mess. Once it was clean Milla handed him a brew and gave him a soft smile.

"Head back to the party; I'll restock the brew and make sure there's no glass." He nodded and before he could stop himself he gave her a light kiss on the lips. He drew back and they stared at each other, shocked, before he walked out and she was left with her fingers pressed to her lips. She stood there for a few minutes marveling at the sensation.

"Hey! What's wrong?" Milla looked up and saw her best friend standing in the doorway looking at her. She couldn't speak so Donna came up to her and moved a stray hair behind her ear.

"Nothing's wrong. I..." She couldn't finish, all she could do was run her finger over her lips.

"Milla?" She asked and she was pulled to the corner. Milla had to tell someone, she had to stop the white noise in her head.

"_He kissed me._" She practically hissed and Donna's eyes widened.

"How'd that happen? Wait, where's Vanessa?" She asked and Milla shook her head.

"They were fighting, there was a mess, we cleaned up together. Then he _kissed _me. It wasn't like the last time, this...it was so _real_." She touched her lips again and Donna was reminded of the girl Milla had been, the one who still believed in true love.

"Oh sweetie." She hugged her and Milla hugged back, needing the comfort only her best friend could give. "Whatever you're feeling, just feel it, but remember, you still have hoops to jump through."

She took Milla's hand and Milla nodded, snapping out of the daze she was in. She took a deep breath and squeezed to let Donna know she was there and ok.

"Listen, the kids and I are going but I don't have to work until the afternoon tomorrow. Why don't we have breakfast and we can talk about any and everything. Ok?" Donna asked and Milla nodded.

"That sounds great actually." Milla hugged Donna again and kissed her cheek before she let her friend go and stood in the kitchen for a little while longer. Suddenly she had a need to see what was up with the cleaning supplies and noticed that they were nearly out of dish powder. As she was mentally weighing the options in her mind Gemma poked her head in the door.

"Everything ok in here? V-Lo left without a goodbye." She said condescendingly and Milla showed her Mom the box.

"We're almost out of dish powder." She placed it on the counter and Gemma nodded.

"I'll have one of the guys pick some up. You go out and enjoy the party. Little Clay's zonked out." She said as she pushed off the door frame and threw an arm around her daughter.

Milla went back to the party and made a beeline to her godbabies who each hugged her while Donna talked to her Mom about something. Then before she knew it it was time for them to go and she got a hug and kiss from each kid and a bearhug from Opie. God, she'd missed those.

"Remember, breakfast tomorrow." Donna said as she kissed Milla's cheek and Milla nodded.

"Tomorrow." With a wave the four of them walked out the door and Milla went to her Father and took the hug he offered, another thing she had missed for so long.

…

Later that night the party was winding down and the cleanup was starting. Milla had her baby boy in his jammies and was ready to go back to the house and take a hot shower to wash away the drama of the day. As she put a load of dishes in the dishwasher she heard commotion out in the living room and made it to the doorway in time to see her Father, Brother and Chibs run out like bats outta hell.

"Baby." Her mother practically whispered it and Milla felt something in the pit of her stomach give a jerk but she walked over to her Mom who took her into her arms and held her in a death grip.

"Mom, you're scaring me, what happened?" She asked and Gemma kissed her head, then her cheek then pressed her head against hers and tightened her grip.

"Baby, I'm so sorry, so fucking sorry." Her voice was thick and Milla felt herself starting to panic.

"Mom, what is it?" She asked as she heard her voice rise in pitch. Gemma continued to hug her and kiss her head.

"That was Unser baby, there's been a drive-by." At those words Milla's blood ran cold, there was a short list of people her Mom would be this upset about and Milla loved them all.

"Mom?" She asked again, her voice taking on a note of panic and Gemma kissed her head again.

"It was Donna baby..." As soon as Donna's name left Gemma's lips she felt her knees give out and her legs folded beneath her. Gemma held her and went with her as she went down to the carpet. There was an inhuman noise and Milla knew it was coming from her but she couldn't seem to stop it or get enough air. All she could think about was that Donna was dead, the woman she loved like a sister...dead... That was the last coherent thought she had before the rest were lost to stillness.


	12. Our Farewell

**I own nothing you recognize. All original characters and storylines belong to me.**

**...  
><strong>

_**Our Farewell**_

_In my hands_

_A legacy of memories_

_I can hear you say my name_

_I can almost see your smile_

_Feel the warmth of your embrace_

_But there is nothing but silence now_

_Around the one I loved_

_Is this our farewell?_

_...  
><em>

_Sweet darling you worry too much, my child_

_See the sadness in your eyes_

_You are not alone in life_

_Although you might think that you are_

_...  
><em>

_Never thought_

_This day would come so soon_

_We had no time to say goodbye_

_How can the world just carry on?_

_I feel so lost when you are not at my side_

_But there's nothing but silence now_

_Around the one I loved_

_Is this our farewell?_

_...  
><em>

_So sorry your world is tumbling down_

_I will watch you through these nights_

_Rest your head and go to sleep_

_Because my child, this not our farewell._

_This is not our farewell. _**- Within Temptation**

**...**

**...  
><strong>

**Charming**

"How's our girl then?" Jimmy asked while Doyle watched her from his spot across the street.

"She's not good Jimmy. She's walkin' around like a zombie an' the only time she's moved in the' last hour was when the little girl crawled in her lap, then she cried and rocked her. This isn't good Jimmy. She's no use if she's crackin' up." Doyle said and Jimmy let out an exasperated noise.

"Ya t'ink I don' know that? Keep watchin her an' if she gets too far gone you know what ta do about it." He said the last quietly and Doyle set his mouth in a firm line.

"Aye Jimmy, I know." He looked at the girl and hoped for her sake that she snapped out of it soon.

…

Juice pulled up to Opie's driveway and parked his bike. He sat there for a few minutes to collect himself, there was a weight on his chest that was making it hard to breathe as he thought about what he was going to see in that house. He knew that what happened to Donna wasn't a gang hit but he was smart enough to keep his information to himself. He felt responsible for this, if he hadn't found the information ATF had planted then they wouldn't have doubted Opie and Donna would be alive and the kids would still have their mother. He felt a stab in the gut at that. He lost his own mother years ago but that pain was still as fresh as it had been the day he'd walked into their apartment and found her on the kitchen floor. It had been a heart attack but that didn't stop his guilt. He'd been out scoring some crank at the time and he felt that if he'd been with her she would have survived. Shaking his head he made it to the front door and knocked. The woman who answered wasn't familiar to him but if what he'd heard was true she was Opie's mother and Piney's former Old Lady.

"He's in the back." Was all she said as she let him into the house. He made his way to the backyard and felt the weight in his chest get heavier as he saw Milla holding Ellie with tears in her eyes. She didn't look like she was completely there; there was this distance in her eyes that was eerie. Now Clay's phone call made sense.

"Hey Brother." He said as he hugged Opie and felt the weight reach epic proportions as he was engulfed by the pain that radiated from the larger man. "I'm so sorry man."

"Thank you." Opie said quietly as he let go of Juice and both of them turned to see Milla with tears in her eyes cradling both of the kids now. "She's been like this all morning. Her Irish bodyguard dropped her off at the crack of dawn and she's been sitting with the kids. Hasn't said two words."

"I'll see what I can do." Juice said as Opie nodded; despite what he was feeling he didn't want Milla to travel down that road.

Juice walked up to the swing set where Milla was sitting, cradling Ellie on her lap while Kenny went back to playing with a toy car next to them. He knelt down and lightly touched her hand causing her to move her eyes to him and it took every ounce of self control he had not to wince at the raw pain in her eyes.

"Hey, how are you?" He asked and Milla just made a noise in her throat, the only answer he was going to get. "I get it, stupid question. Where's Little Clay? I bet he needs his Mama."

At the mention of her little boy some more clarity came to her eyes and she lifted a hand to wipe at the tears leaking down her face before she spoke.

"Lu has him for a few hours I...I couldn't be a good mother to him right now. I need." She took a deep breath. "I need to sort myself out first."

He nodded as he took her hand in his and twined their fingers together, it was such an intimate gesture and he did it without thinking, just wanting to give her comfort. She looked at their hands, then at him and a new wave of tears started. She'd always wanted to hold his hand like this but now it was too much and she collapsed in on herself again and buried her face in Ellie's hair. After that Juice knew no amount of coaxing would snap her out of it until she was ready so he squeezed their hands before he let go and stood. He had no idea how to comfort kids so he just ruffled the hair on Kenny's head and placed a hand to the top of Ellie's before he walked to Opie.

"Take care brother and if she gets worse call somebody. I heard she goes to bad places when she's hurtin' like this." He hugged Opie again before he went back to his bike. He had shit to do for Clay and he needed to get his head on right.

…

_Later that Day..._

Milla stood in the kitchen washing the dishes and watching Opie pushing his kids on the swing. Jax had just left after a quick kiss to her forehead and a command not to let the dark get her. She'd nodded, not willing to tell him that the dark already got her and she had to fight for every scrap of sanity that she had left. As she put the last dish in the rack she heard Mary crying and talking with one of the other Old ladies. Her mind may have been fogged but Mary's words cut through.

"I warned her that something like this would happen. She shoulda cut out like I told her, then those babies would still have a mother. She wasn't strong enough to leave." At that Milla whirled and stalked up to the fat, boozy cow and just stared at her, her hands itching to hit her.

"Wasn't strong enough?" She asked Mary in a voice dripping with so much malice that everyone in the room stopped cold, unwilling to draw her attention to them. "No Mary, Donna was strong. She was strong and good and loyal an amazing mother and woman. She was everything you never could be you fat lush."

Mary looked at her in shock. The little girl she'd had a hand in raising would've never spoken to her like that but this little girl wasn't that person anymore. Taking a deep breath Mary looked at her and shook her head.

"You think this woulda happened without that damn club. You know, just like everyone else that if Donna'd walked she'd be alive right now." She said and Milla looked at her with eyes that had taken on a wild quality, crazy eyes.

"No, Donna would be alive right now if I hadn't said we needed dish powder. She'd be alive right now if I didn't have to clean the kitchen. Don't blame the Club Mary, this is on me." Once the words left her mouth her hands went to her face and she turned to sob quietly. Her outburst with Mary had finally allowed her to say what her mind had been screaming at her all day.

It was at that moment that Opie came in from the backyard. He took one look at his mother then a look at Milla before he turned back to his mother. He was about to say something when Milla walked up to him and stared at him, her eyes still crazy.

"Opie...I'm so sorry, it's all my fault…I shouldn't-" Her voice suddenly hitched in a sob and he crushed her to him. He didn't know what she was babbling about but he just wanted her to stop this.

"What's your fault?" He asked and it drew a ragged keening from her throat but she managed to stifle it as she looked at him.

"This, everything...I told Ma we needed dish powder. If I wouldn't have said anything she'd still be with us, alive. This is all my fault. God..." Her voice strangled and he clutched her tighter.

"Listen to me." Ope practically growled in her ear. "This wasn't your fault, you didn't pull the trigger. Stop blaming yourself for this, it isn't on you."

"I'm so sorry Ope, so sorry." She continued to cry and Ope squeezed her before he passed her over to one of the other Old Ladies. He had his own shit to deal with he didn't have it in him to piece her back together too.

…

_The Next Day..._

Milla had been slowly slipping toward that precipice since she'd been told the news. When she got up that morning she found a dress and shoes by her bed that her mother had set out for her and a note letting her know that Little Clay was with a babysitter, along with Abel and a couple of the other kids, and would be during the day. Once she knew where her son was she allowed herself to lose a little bit more ground, to stop gripping so tightly to her broken pieces. Once she was dressed and presentable she made it downstairs, nowhere near ready to face this pain.

She'd made it through the day attached to her mother. Everyone else kept polite distance, not wanting to earn Gemma's wrath. Gemma kept a close eye and a close grip on her throughout it all, making her sit next to her at the funeral and ride with her to the clubhouse afterward.

The funeral... Milla felt something in her break again as she thought of the funeral. She'd hugged people and kissed cheeks but she didn't see anything but that coffin that held one of the few people in the world that she truly and genuinely loved. The only thing she heard was the blood rushing in her ears and when she put that flower on the coffin something within her closed off and nothing else came through for a while after that, but when they lowered the coffin in the ground she snapped. Milla wasn't there anymore.

Now she sat in a corner of the clubhouse, not speaking, not seeing and not feeling. She was numb all over and nothing her Mom or Dad had done could snap her from it. She knew she was weak, that this _thing _wasn't her, but it was... She'd undergone trauma and loss before but nothing compared to this, she'd had a piece of her soul removed and it hurt too much to function so her mind had done the only thing it could do to save itself. It stopped everything and now she sat just looking and breathing but not feeling or truly seeing a thing.

…

Juice slammed a shot as he turned to look at Milla. She'd been off since she heard the news and it was frightening, he had to look away. She was so shut off from the rest of the world, so distant that he wasn't sure how they were going to get her back. They needed her back, her son needed her back, she hadn't even seen her boy since the day before... With that thought he looked up sharply and trained his eyes to her. The day before... He remembered her face when he saw her yesterday; he'd been the only one able to knock her out of her head for a bit. Taking another slam of liquid courage he walked to Milla and sat beside her. When she didn't acknowledge him he took her hand and, being sure no one was watching, he took her back to a dorm room and shut the door behind them. If he was going to yell he didn't want witnesses. He turned back to Milla and saw a tiny spark of recognition in her eyes...good she was still there; he just had to draw her out.

"Hey there." He said quietly as he approached her, knowing that raised voices would only spook her, she turned more into him, looking less like a zombie than she had before. "We need you to come back to us sweetheart."

He stepped closer and ran one hand up the back of her neck while the other pushed her hair out of her face.

"Little Clay needs you...Opie needs you...those kids need you..." He said softly as he punctuated each name with a kiss, first to her forehead, then to each cheek. "I need you."

He said the last quietly and kissed her lips, almost jumping back in shock as she kissed him back. It started softly but soon she threw herself into it. He got lost in the sensations as she grabbed his shirt and pulled him tight against her. He gasped as her hands found his belt and she started to tug at it. That shook him out of the stupor he was in and he held her at arms' length as she tried to get to him.

"Wait! Milla, we can't do this." He looked into her eyes and saw that the real Milla was there, she was just in too much pain.

"Please, I need this...I need you..." She took a deep breath before she moved her arms out of his grip and ran her hands over his Mohawk. As she threw his words back at him he kept staring at her eyes, seeing her come back little by little. It was clear that she did need this and he was harder than he'd ever been in his life but still he held back. "Love me."

She said the last pleadingly and that was all it took. He was on her, his lips on hers, his hands roaming her body. Soon he had her black dress on the floor with his shirt and cut while she undid his belt. He kissed her like he'd always dreamed of kissing her before he took his time exploring the body that was so present in his fantasies. He almost came as she wrapped her small hand around his dick but he held off and took her hand in his as he made her lay down on the bed and used his hand to make sure she was wet enough for him. His eyes were on hers as he slid himself inside of her. He forced his eyes open as he watched hers fill with wonder, as if she didn't know it could feel like that or that she could feel so much. Her eyes started to glaze a bit as he slowed his pace so he maneuvered so he could press his forehead to hers as he moved inside her.

"Stay with me baby, let me love you, let me take the pain away." He heard her gasp and felt her nails on his back as she held on. With a groan of his own he moved and placed her leg on his shoulder, he wanted her to see him, to see what he was doing to her and when he looked in her eyes again he saw that it really was her he was seeing, she'd come back to him.

"I love you." She moaned as she came and Juice lost it, having the most intense orgasm he'd ever had in his life. He collapsed and as he rolled next to her he gathered her in his arms and held her, feeling her warm tears hit his chest.

"I love you too baby, I always have." He said quietly as she sobbed in his arms.

…

Milla sobbed as Juice held her in his arms. They'd just made love and Milla was sure that she'd never felt anything so intense in her life. The intensity had caused the last walls within her to crash down and now she felt it all. She felt the pain, the emptiness, the shame...the love that this man had for her and she for him. It was all too much and she continued to sob as Juice ran his hand over her back and held her to him. They continued like that until they both fell asleep, exhausted by the emotion they'd just expended and both felt _right _for the first time in years. In the back of their minds they both knew that there could be consequences to their actions but neither cared. She'd needed him and he'd been there for her. It was the way it was supposed to be.

* * *

><p>...<p>

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><p><strong>Author's Note: <strong>Wow, another intense one. Before I get backlash for making Milla weak, I'd like you to put it in this perspective. She'd reached her breaking point, too much had happened too soon and she'd needed to retreat into herself. I just wanted to explore this dark aspect of her personality and show that she's not perfect; she has her own demons and dysfunctions to deal with.

On another note I'm going on a trip, yay vacation, so I won't be able to update for a few days. I just wanted to knock this chapter out before it left my head. As always thank you for reading and reviewing. You have no idea how much I appreciate all of you.


	13. You Can't Always Get What You Want

**I own nothing you recognize. All original characters and storylines are my own.**

_**You Can't Always Get What You Want**_

_**...**_

_I saw her today at the reception_

_A glass of wine in her hand_

_I knew she was gonna meet her connection_

_At her feet was a footloose man_

_...  
><em>

_You can't always get what you want_

_You can't always get what you want_

_You can't always get what you want_

_But if you try sometimes well you might find_

_You get what you need_

_...  
><em>

_And I went down to the demonstration_

_To get my fair share of abuse_

_Singing, "We're gonna vent our frustration_

_If we don't we're gonna blow a 50-amp fuse"_

_...  
><em>

_You can't always get what you want_

_You can't always get what you want_

_You can't always get what you want_

_But if you try sometimes well you just might find_

_You get what you need _

…

**Charming**

Gemma stood at the end of the bar, her eyes moving to the hallway that held the dorms. Juice had taken Milla back there about two hours before and neither had resurfaced. There were only two explanations for the time they'd been in there. The first was that Milla really was gone beyond the breaking point and Juice didn't know how to fix her. Gemma refused to think that. The second was that he'd found a way to get through to her and was bringing her back. Gemma was betting on that explanation and wanted to check on the progress, but every time she went near the hallway Piney would catch her eye and shake his head. He had been watching them too and Gemma could see in his eyes that he understood that whatever was happening Milla needed it and they'd ruin everything if they tried to interfere.

…

Eventually the tears stopped falling from her eyes and Juice continued to clutch Milla. He hoped that she was still there and wasn't retreating into herself again. There were too many people that needed her, and he was one of them. Right now he needed to talk to her, to see what she was feeling. He needed to know she was ok with what happened and if she understood that, while it wasn't a mistake, it couldn't happen again until things were sorted out for both of them. There was too much at stake for her. He looked down and saw her resting her head on his chest and it looked like she was listening to his heartbeat. Her eyes started to droop and he decided that she needed to rest, they could talk later.

…

Gemma decided that she'd had enough; her daughter had been in the room alone with Juice for far too long, long enough to rouse suspicion if the wrong person saw. Ignoring Piney's head shake she went to the door she'd seen them enter and heard the sound of snoring. It was a good sound; it meant that he'd gotten her calm enough to sleep. This was something they wouldn't have to hide; it was just Juice helping out Milla. She turned and walked out of the hallway, not wanting to draw attention to them, and resumed her spot by the bar. Once Milla was rested she was taking her home and they were going to have a talk about what she'd seen from her daughter. Milla was a Morrow and a Madoc; they didn't fall apart like that.

…

Milla opened her eyes and slowly blinked as the room came into focus. She lifted her head and tried to stretch some of the kinks out only to realize that someone had a death grip on her hand. Her eyes traveled from her hand in a dark calloused one to a broad defined chest and finally landed on that face she'd fallen in love with. As she saw him everything came flooding back. They're lovemaking, the kisses, him begging her to come back to them... It was all real and the soreness between her thighs could attest to the fact that he hadn't been gentle. She continued to look at him, taking in every angle to his face, definition of muscles, tats...everything that made Juice...Juice. She leaned up and placed a kiss to those lips she'd longed for for so long and cursed herself when he stirred. She'd wanted to stay like this forever.

"Hey." He said quietly and Milla gave him a small smile, her first in days.

"Hey." She responded somewhat awkwardly and Juice couldn't blame her. What they'd done was wrong on so many levels but it was also so painfully right. He looked down and saw that he was still clutching her hand so he let her go and moved a bit away. Milla got the hint and felt her face fall; he was ashamed of what happened.

"We should get dressed and go out; we've been gone a long time." He said as he rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and Milla nodded, suddenly feeling like something was wrong. As she turned her face from him Juice realized how his tone had sounded and grabbed her arm. She turned and he continued to pull her to him. Once she was in his arms he kissed her gently but when she tried for more he moved away.

"I'd give just about anything to keep this going but we have some shit we need to talk about." He ran a hand through her hair and ran his thumb over a spot behind her ear that he'd discovered was especially sensitive.

"I love you and I want to be with you. That hasn't changed." She said quietly and he sighed as he laid back and rested his head on his arm.

"I love you too, fuck if I know how to do anything else...but that means nothing when it comes to this Milla. You're a married woman, you fucked me. That's not going to look good for you." He said it in such a way that she couldn't argue and she wasn't planning on it. Instead she started laughing. "I'm serious, if they figure this shit out it looks bad."

"Juice...I can't possibly tell you how little I care about that. They can brand me the Whore of Babylon if they want and it won't change a thing. I needed this and I still need you." He looked into her eyes and saw the seriousness of her confession. She really didn't care what they thought.

"I care, I don't want anyone to say shit about you or think shit about you. You're going to be my Old Lady and I don't want this shit to follow you." He rose and took her face in his hands as her laughter stopped. He'd just said she was going to be his Old Lady, something she'd kept in her heart and in the back of her mind for so long.

"I won't tell a soul...Help me get out of here without anyone noticing." She said quickly and he nodded before he gave her a quick kiss and helped her into her dress once she was out of the bed.

Once they were both dressed they went to the main room and after running into Koz and letting him know Milla was going to be ok they left. Gemma watched from the shadows. She'd let them have this extra time alone, her lecture could wait. As she observed them she didn't miss the way he'd reach back for Milla's hand and stop at the last second. The way she stayed within touching distance. It was obvious that their relationship had changed in a significant way and Gemma knew a "just-been-fucked" glow when she saw one. Once they were gone her eyes drifted over to Piney who was watching them with as much interest as she was. As her eyes met his the look was unmistakable, he was telling her to leave it alone. For once she'd listen to the advice. As long as she got her baby back it didn't matter how.

…

_A Few Days Later..._

"Alright, you'll have a car for us in the airport?" Milla spoke to her Bluetooth as she folded more clothes to go in her bag. "I really appreciate this Jimmy."

She hung up after the customary goodbyes and finished her packing. They were leaving on an early flight and she wanted to get ready. She sighed as she picked up her phone and saw the screensaver. She'd set up a slideshow and the new picture was one she'd taken of Donna playing with the kids. Donna...the pain was sharp and immediate and Milla felt like she needed to vomit but kept herself in check. She needed to get ready, Jimmy was anxious to have her back and she needed some time to grieve away from everything. She also had to make arrangements and plan her escape. Now that she had Juice, Keegan had become an obstacle she needed out of her way. With a sigh she picked up Little Clay's bag and started packing, getting lost in the monotony of the task until the familiar sweet smell of tobacco invaded her senses. She looked up to see her father looking at her. There was no pity or sadness in his eyes just a look of resignation.

"Hi Daddy, been there long?" She asked him as she folded the t-shirt Little Clay had insisted on getting from the museum.

"Nah just got here. I wanted to see you before the lunch. You sure about cutting the trip short?" He asked and Milla nodded as she concentrated on the packing.

"I need to get back. I'm so sorry Dad but I can't be here. Everything reminds me of her and I need to find a safe place in my head again." She put down the pants she was packing and turned to her Dad. "I'm coming back; as long as I'm welcome I'll always come back. This is my home and I want it to be Little Clay's too,"

She looked at Clay pleadingly and he moved from his spot leaning against the door jamb and enfolded her into his arms. He kissed her head as he felt her shoulders shake with silent sobs as she allowed herself a chance to show her emotions.

"Of course you're welcome back Angel. This will always be your home." He rested his head on hers and continued to hold her as her sobs subsided. He'd just gotten her back; he wasn't going to lose her again.

...

**Belfast**

"Hello?" Keegan asked into the phone, barely managing to hold his temper. He'd been put on hold for five minutes and he was not a man who liked to be kept waiting. He understood that it was just a power play and it was in his best interest to keep his cool but it wasn't easy.

"Mr. Rafferty, so good of you to stay on the line. I apologize for the delay but I'm a very busy man." The man spoke into the phone, his accent difficult to place but Keegan knew all about him and his little business and his ties to several unsavory characters.

"No'ting ta worry 'bout. I was hopin' you had time ta consider the offer I made earlier." He said as he breathed into his hand. It was colder than a witch's tit in the early morning fog.

"I've thought a great deal about the offer Mr. Rafferty and I think that it's reasonable but I can't help but think that there's a catch of some kind." The man said.

"Aye, can't pull the wool over yer eyes. I heard yer good at forcin' out certain _elements_ from places ya set up shop and there's a group I want gone, in any way ya can. Ever hear a' the Sons of Anarchy?" He asked as he felt excitement seize his chest, he could finally be free of everything and Milla wouldn't have a place to go. She'd be at his mercy.

"I have heard of this gang Mr. Rafferty and I can assure you that plans for their _removal_ have already been set into motion. Does this affect the offer?" He asked and Keegan could just imagine him examining his nails acting bored.

"Only as much as it cements it. I'll call ya Tuesday with details on the first shipment. I have ta inform my partners." He said as he breathed on his hands again. They couldn't seem to get warm, no matter what he did.

"Good, I'll connect you to my secretary to arrange it. Have a good day Mr. Rafferty." He said it professionally, no real feeling behind it and Keegan suddenly felt like maybe this wasn't a good idea but then he remembered just how much money he was going to get and the added destruction of the Sons. It was worth the risk.

"Ya have a good day yourself Mr. Zoebelle."

…

**Author's Note: **Sorry this took so long. I had to work out some issues with the story and had an overabundance of stuff I was working on. Also this is the end of events in season 1 and I'm about to embark on the last part of the story and the events of season 2. It's shaping up nicely and I'm so glad to have all of your support. Anyway. thank you all for your patience and for reading and reviewing.

_**Special Thanks**_: I wanted to take this opportunity to thank **Verda Napoli, **without her support this chapter and the entire trilogy wouldn't be happening. She's been an amazing sounding board and an amazing presence throughout the writing process. I know I never would have continued without her support so I ask that you support her as well and read her work. She's a constant source of inspiration and I want everyone to know how much she means to me and how amazing her work is. Thank you **Verda** for everything.


	14. Unwritten

**I own nothing you recognize. All original characters and storylines are my own.**

_**Unwritten**_

_**...**_

_Staring at the blank page before you_

_Open up the dirty window_

_Let the sun illuminate the words_

_That you could not find_

_..._

_Reaching for something in the distance_

_So close you can almost taste it_

_Release your inhibitions_

_Feel the rain on your skin_

_..._

_No one else can feel it for you_

_Only you can let it in_

_No one else, no one else_

_Can speak the words on your lips_

_..._

_Drench yourself in words unspoken_

_Live your life with arms wide open_

_Today is where your book begins_

_The rest is still unwritten _**-Natasha Bedingfield**

**...**

**Belfast**

"Cherry! Get the hell out of the office! I need you to sweep up!" Milla yelled, knowing full well that Cherry was in the process of either fucking or sucking O'Neil. She shivered, how the little club slut could go from a sweet boy like Half-Sack to a dirty git like O'Neil as beyond her. Then again who was she to talk? She was with a worthless bit of scum herself when the perfect man was across the pond. Either way, she held sway over the transplant.

"I'm comin', I'm comin'." Cherry said as she came out of the office, pulling on her cardigan and rushing to the closet to get the broom. O'Neil came out a few seconds later, smirking like the fink he was.

"Now, now Milla my love. I'm sure tha' sweepin' coulda' waited." He said as he walked up to the counter and leaned against it. "If ya, wanted ta' join in, all ya had to do was ask."

"I don't even want my husband's small Irish dick, what makes you think I want yours?" She asked with venom in her voice and O'Neil just creepily smiled at her.

"Don't be forgettin' yerself girl. I'm still a Son and last I checked yer still a woman." His threat was implied and Milla frowned, he was right. No matter how much she hated him he still pulled rank over her, but she'd be damned if she was going to apologize.

"Do you need anything?" Milla asked as civilly as she could and he grinned triumphantly.

"Get me a pack a fags lovely and some a that Guinness ya got behind the counter." Milla just nodded and got what he wanted, hoping he would just go away.

"Here ya go, standard Sons discount." She said and O'Neil leaned over the counter.

"Ya know, I could help ya wit' that husband a yers." He leaned over the counter a bit and Milla moved out of his way.

"You forget, he's Jimmy's man. McGee wouldn't want you fucking up the deal. Besides..." She moved in slightly closer. "I know your price and I'd rather stick my hand in a garbage disposal than touch you. Son or not."

With that she turned and silently got the message across to Cherry to clean or else She was going on her break and needed to get away from O'Neil, she couldn't tell anyone why exactly but she just hated the man and didn't trust him at all.

**...**

"Aye, we're in the safe house and we've got tha guns in the surplus store." Cameron confirmed.

"Good, I'll be needin' ya to stay there for a while, a new shipment will be comin in t'ree weeks, it's earmarked fer the Sons but my associate will be meetin ya ta discuss tha details." Keegan said as he lit up and pulled the precious smoke into his lungs.

"This don' feel right Keegan. We do this we 'ave nowhere ta go. I thought ya wanted ta do right by Milla. This goes through she an' yer boy can never go back." Keegan closed his eyes and counted to a quick five, leave it to Cameron to bring up the whore.

"I do wanna do right by her. I told ya that. Now, are ya gonna do this for me or aren't ya? I can find others interested in this money." He smirked as he heard Cameron Sigh, he had him.

"Fine, I gotta go, we're deliverin the shipment in five. Should I give yer regards to yer in-laws?" Cameron asked spitefully and Keegan's mouth set in a line.

"You know better than that _Cammy_. Make sure they're happy and don' fuck this up." He hung up and took a few calming breaths. He had to call Zoebelle in a few minutes and didn't want to appear less than professional.

…

**Charming**

"Daddy, the Irishman's on the line." Ethan looked up from his paperwork as his daughter made her announcement. He'd been screening his calls for exactly this moment. He wanted to talk to the Irish dealer who mistakenly thought he was calling the shots. That would not stand.

"Direct his call through Darling and don't let anyone else enter until the business is concluded." He said almost dismissively as he straightened out his stack of file folders, each containing a dossier on the Sons of Anarchy Motorcycle Club, Redwood Original. He'd just gotten to the little Latino that his Irish friend had so much hate for. An omen, if there were such things, for sure.

"Of course Daddy." He watched his beautiful girl go and held in a sigh, he didn't' know what he would do without her. With a shake of his head he picked up the phone, ready to knock the Irishman down a peg.

"Hello, Mr. Rafferty." He said civilly as he took out his notepad and kept his pen at the ready.

"Hullo Mr. Zoebelle. I trust t'ings are alright with ya?" Keegan asked and sat in the chair in his living room. It was so rare that he was home these days and with the whore and the tart at work and his son at Jimmy's he was free to roam as he wished.

"_Things _are well and progressing as scheduled. Did you speak with your associates?" He asked adding a hint of impatience to his tone. He was the one in charge at this juncture.

"Yes, just got off tha phone with 'em. They're on board. The question is, are you on board? Ya got the wheels turnin' yet?" Keegan knew the bastard was trying to keep him low and wouldn't stand for it. He was the one that pulled the strings here.

"Everything has been set into motion Mr. Rafferty." He held himself in check. The boy was good, but he was better.

"Good, good, ya still gonna take care a' the bitch? I want her broken and her husband destroyed along with that little club." Keegan smiled to himself as he thought about the Sons and their families torn apart by something he had set into motion. He'd think about this and laugh when he was drinking on the beach in Costa Rica.

"Everything will be taken care of. Have a good day Mr. Rafferty and I look forward to doing business with you." Ethan hung up and smiled to himself. Yes, everything would be taken care of and they'd start tonight.

…

**Belfast**

Milla stood behind the counter and counted down the minutes until her car would arrive. She had to get to Fi's and collect her son. She also had to talk to Jimmy about giving her an extended leave, once he gave it she was in the clear. The people she loved would be safe and his threats would be moot. This time when she left Belfast she wouldn't be returning and he knew better than to harm Kerri or Trinny.

Ever since she left California all she wanted was to go back and find her way into Juice's arms. She knew without a shadow of a doubt that he loved her and she loved him just as much. The time they had spent together was burned into her memory and could cause her body to respond at the merest thought of his strong arms and moving hips. She found herself blushing as she remembered the animal lust combined with the need for solace that drove their first encounter with each other, then the slow, drawn out way he made love to her before she left. As she felt the familiar heat build she turned her mind away from those pleasant memories and thought about her bank account. She'd already withdrawn the majority of her money and Trinny was hiding it for her in the "provisions" safe for her. Milla would never be able to thank Trinny for all the help she was giving her. Without Trinny, Milla would be stuck. Shaking her head Milla smiled as the familiar black car rolled in but frowned slightly when Cormac got out.

She couldn't deny that she'd been avoiding the man since she returned from Charming. He represented a different life to her. Now that she had Juice she was faithful. She had no place in her bed for anyone else, not even the man who had been her savior for so long. It made her feel like a heel but there really wasn't anything else to say. Juice was her man now and not even Cormac could make her stray. With a deep breath she grabbed her bag and met Cormac at the door. He looked surprised for a second but then he escorted her to the car and opened the door for her. Once he got in he smiled wide and turned his storm blue eyes to her.

"I can't tell ya how much I've missed ya lovely. Yeh've been so hard ta get a hold of." His smile faltered when he saw her looking down at her clasped hands. That was never a good sign, and it was even worse when she started wringing her hands. "What is it my love?"

He watched her take her bottom lip between her teeth and worry it a bit and suddenly felt his stomach turn. The look on her face couldn't be good and when she turned her suddenly tearful eyes to him he felt the first crack in the facade. He swallowed down the lump in his throat as he turned his eyes to the road.

"I'm so sorry Cor...I didn't intend for this...I thought, I thought you'd be my savior." She said before emotion closed her throat and Cormac took a deep breath and was going to speak before Milla continued. "I love you, I always will but...I have this chance to be with him, I love him...he's always been in my heart and I truly belong to him. I'm so sorry."

As the apology left her mouth Cormac felt his heart squeeze in two. This was it; she was dropping him for that biker in California. The biker that he suddenly wished Keegan had killed. Sudden rage filled him. The man didn't deserve her! He hadn't killed for her, hadn't betrayed his cause for her! The dumb bastard didn't even fight for her! No he betrayed her, he cast her out and now...now he offered her a crumb and she abandoned everything for him? No, she was his; he'd earned his right to be with her. In a moment of petulant rage he locked the doors and took a right turn toward the docks. She was going to hear him out, see that he loved her like no other.

"Cormac, what are you doing?" She asked calmly as she moved to take up as little of the space he commanded as possible. Spending so much of her youth among alpha males had taught her how to stop most fires before they started. He looked over and kept on driving, he knew where they were going.

"I love ya." He heard his voice break and felt ashamed for a second. "I deserve to call ya my own. Ya don' know...ya don' what I've done fer ya, what lengths I've gone ta fer ya. Nothing this man could do could come close ta that."

Milla looked at Cormac and felt like the worst person in the history of the world. He was right, he'd done so much for her and here she was dropping him the second that she had Juice. She was a bitch in the highest caliber but she couldn't change the way she felt or take back her words. Not when she'd meant them.

"Cormac, I don't know what you think you're doing but I need to get to Fi's. My son needs his Mama. Please, bring me to my son then you can curse me as much as you want but this won't change anything. We still love each other but that love has changed. You were my hope, my truth and my sanity for so long that it's going to be hard to change that but right now it's over. You have the chance now to go on with your life, find a woman and break whatever convoluted deals you've made on my behalf. I love you but it's not the same." She felt her heart break when he turned to look at her with dead eyes before he turned his eyes back to the road and turned to a side street. She breathed a sigh when she saw Fi's street ahead, it was almost over.

Soon they pulled in front of Fi and Jimmy's house and Cormac stopped abruptly but remained behind the wheel. After a few moments he turned his face to hers and she felt a chill o up her spine.

"I don' know why I wasted my time with a whore like ya. Yer not worth the sacrifices I've made fer ya. Go get yer boy an' wait until yer called. I don' even wanna see yer face again." He said the words coldly and almost mechanically and Milla scrambled out of the car. Once her feet were on the sidewalk and the door closed he peeled off and she felt the cracks in her heart shatter. She'd hurt him, hurt him in ways he didn't deserve and she felt evil but it had to be done. She was Juice's now and Cormac had been an obstacle. She just wished it could have gone differently.

…

**Charming**

Juice grinned at his brothers while he watched the croweater grind the pole. Life was good. Bobby was out of prison, they were flush with new business and he had Milla. Yeah, life was great. Life would be better once he had his woman in his arms again and the thought caused an unexpected _rise_ in him and he looked at the various sweetbutts and croweaters milling around. Any one of them would do as a solution to his problem but he didn't want them. He shook his head as he pounded back his brew. Ever since he'd finally had Milla none of the club sluts could do it for him anymore. He'd gotten blow jobs and the occasional handy but he couldn't bring himself to stick his dick in any of them, not when he finally had her.

The more he thought about her the more pronounced his problem became and he couldn't take it anymore so he left the main room and went to the dorms. As soon as he found a free one he locked the door behind him and hopped onto the bed before he took out his phone. As he checked his dual clock he discovered that it was eight o'clock in Belfast. Milla would be up and the thought brought a new smile to his face. He could hear her voice and take care of this himself. His grin turned wicked as she answered.

"Hey handsome. How's the party?" He chuckled; of course she'd know Bobby was out. He'd heard Clay on the phone with her the day before.

"Boring now that the main event is done. I miss you baby." He whispered and he heard some movement on her end.

"I miss you too _papi_." At the tone of her voice he felt himself harden to a point that was almost painful. She didn't know what she did to him.

"Care to tell me how much you miss me?" He asked as he sat up and shrugged his cut off one arm, then transferred the phone and shrugged off the other, he'd gotten to the belt on his jeans when she answered.

"You alone?" She asked and he unzipped his pants before he answered.

"I'm in a dorm room and ready to hear how much you miss me. Go into as much detail as you can babe." He pushed his jeans and boxers down and waited, he needed this.

"Mmmm, where to start?" Oh god she was teasing him. "I miss your hands, your mouth, those strong arms holding me...I miss that smile and your voice...what else?"

He groaned as she soon gave up the game and told him what he wanted to know. In record time he got off and had her go somewhere so she could take care of herself too. He wasn't a selfish lover and that trait extended to phone sex. As he told her what he wanted her to do to herself he could picture it in his head. Her hands touching herself, running over those small but perfect breasts...god...she got him hot again and by the second round of it he was exhausted and knew he had to let her go.

"I love you." He whispered as a goodbye and she returned it before he hung up. As he laid his head against the pillows he smiled before sleep claimed his. She was his, all of her, and he just had to bide his time.

…

**Belfast**

After the phone call and subsequent fun Milla was wiped. Luckily Kerri had the day off from school and took Little Clay with her for a few hours of fun in the "big house". This meant that Milla could enjoy a long relaxing bath. She just wished Juice had given her more warning about what he wanted, then she would've had the bath ready. With a chuckle she dipped her hand in the water and added some salt. Once she stripped she sighed as she sunk into the water. This was a small heaven. She let a smile drift along her face as she relaxed in the water before suddenly she jolted up. She was in a sudden panic, a voice was frantic in the back of her head and it was telling her to call her mother. She knew better than to ignore that voice so she took her phone from its place by the tub and dialed. It went to voicemail so she dialed it again and did it three more times before she just decided to leave a message.

"Hey Ma, I know this is going to sound silly but I suddenly got a strange feeling that I should check on you. Anyway, sorry for the bitch moment I just want you to know that I love you and hope that this is just some paranoia. I'll give Little Clay a kiss for you if you give Abel one from me. Please call me and, not to be sappy, I really do love ya Ma." She hung up the phone and sank back into the water. Her peace of mind was shattered but still she sat in the tub, she had feelings she needed to dissect.


	15. Hold Me Now

_**Hold Me Now**_

_I have a picture_

_Pinned to my wall_

_An image of you and of me and we're laughing_

_We're loving it all_

_..._

_But look at our life now_

_We're tattered and torn_

_We're fussing and fighting, delighting with tears_

_That we cry until dawn_

_..._

_(Oh oh)_

_Hold me now_

_(Whoa)_

_Warm my heart_

_Stay with me_

_Let loving start_

_Let loving start_

_..._

_You say I'm a dreamer_

_We're two of a kind_

_Both of us searching for some perfect world_

_We know we'll never find_

_..._

_So perhaps I should leave here_

_Yeah, go far away_

_But you know that there's nowhere that i'd rather be_

_Than with you here today _

_..._

_You ask if I love you_

_What can I say?_

_You know that I do and that this is just one_

_Of those games that we play_

_..._

_So I sing you a new song_

_Please don't cry any more_

_And I'd ask your forgiveness though I don't know just_

_What I'm asking it for -_**Thompson Twins**

**Belfast**

Milla stood outside of Jimmy's door feeling a mix of sadness and fear. She was about to go into Jimmy's home and talk to his woman about her former man. A subject that was unequivocally forbidden, but she had to do it; she couldn't put it all at Kerri's feet. Ever since she'd gotten the call from her mother, telling her about Chibs' "accident" she knew this talk had to happen. She had to tell Fiona about the man she still obviously loved. She held Little Clay's shoulders as he stood in front of her, standing still and behaving as good as gold for her. Her little angel always seemed to know when his Mama needed him to be a good boy and right now he was behaving perfectly, he stood still and waited. They didn't have to wait long; soon enough Louise opened the door.

"Miss Milla, so good to see you, and Mr. Doyle, come in. Miss Kerri and Fiona are in the drawing room, I could take little Clarence to get some cookies in the kitchen?" She suggested, taking note of Milla's serious face.

"That would be great. You go with Miss Louise baby." Milla leaned down and Little Clay hugged her before they entered the house and he went to the kitchen while she went to the drawing room while Doyle hung in the foyer. He may have been Jimmy's man but he was also a father and a husband. He knew how important he was to his wife and children and, though he'd never say it, he felt that what Jimmy had done to Fiona's man and Kerri's Da was low, so it was their right to know that he was hurt. If Jimmy asked him about the conversation he wouldn't hesitate to lie.

Milla walked into the drawing room and had to bite her lip to keep from crying as she saw Kerri sitting at the coffee table doing homework while Fiona braided her hair. She hated to break this up, especially with the news she had but she needed to tell them. They deserved to know.

"Where's Clay?" Fiona asked from her perch without taking her eyes off of the complicated braid she was working on.

"He's in the kitchen with Louise. I'm sorry to interrupt; I just have something really important I need to talk to both of you about." She worried her lip before she noticed Fi's nearly imperceptible little nod to continue. "Just give me a moment while I sort out what I wanna say."

She sat down in the chair next to them and Fiona stopped braiding Kerri's hair as they both turned to Milla and looked at her expectantly. God she hated this, but she took a deep breath and continued.

"There was an incident at Teller-Morrow." She stopped for a second and watched some realization enter Fiona's eyes. "A van exploded and Chibs was thrown clear. Right now he's in critical condition at St. Thomas. They aren't optimistic. I'm so sorry."

"Sweet Mother o' God." Fiona whispered as she brought her hands to her mouth and Kerri sat silently and stiffly, as if moving would cause her to shatter like frozen glass.

"I'll be going to Charming with Little Clay as soon as I get the go ahead to travel. Father Ashby and O'Flaherty have already signed off on it." Milla said and watched as Kerri finally started to breathe again.

"I'm goin' with ya. He's my Da; my Da can't die without knowin I love 'im. My Da can't die!" Kerri yelled and Fiona pulled her daughter to her and ran her hand over her hair.

"Shhh now lovey, shhh. Ya' know ya can't go. Your Da knows ya love 'im and Milla'll be there for us. Right Milla, you'll be our eyes and ears over there?" Fiona asked and Milla hastily wiped the tears that had formed in her eyes.

"Yes, I'll be there. I'll be checking in and letting you know how he is and I'll pass along anything you want him to know." She said and sat back as Kerri suddenly stood up and ran to her bedroom. While she was gone Fiona turned to Milla and gave her a nod.

"Thank ya. I know ya risked a lot ta come ta us." She pressed the heel of her hand to her eyes to stop the misting that threatened to give way to tears. She'd learned not to cry over the hand she' been dealt years ago and she wouldn't unlearn that lesson now.

"You needed to know. I know that if J-" She stopped herself from giving everything away. She liked Fi a lot, even loved her, but she couldn't divulge that information, not with Fi in the position she was in. "I know that if I was separated from the person I loved I'd want to know what happened to him."

Fiona nodded, as she took a deep breath. Jesus, her Filip was on death's door...again...she'd have to put out her feelers to find out if Jimmy or one of his thick boys was behind it. If that were the case she might have to petition the Counsel and she knew she had at least three allies within it. It might just be what was needed to take Jimmy down and out. Going after Filip now would be reckless and stupid. It was for those reasons that she now realized Jimmy couldn't be behind it, stupid was one thing he was not, but there were still many other suspects. Before she could dwell on the events much longer Kerri came running from the bedroom carrying a large envelope which she thrust at Milla.

"Here, give this ta my Da. I may not be able ta see him but he'll see me. He's not gonna die. No kind god would let him die without knowin me again." Milla just nodded before she stood and took the young girl she loved like a sister in her arms. She was right; no way would Chibs die without knowing his girl.

...

Milla stood at the gate waiting to board with her son in her arms. She'd gotten leave to go home from the Counsel and it hadn't come a moment too soon. According to her mother her Dad, Brother and Juice were in jail. Gemma didn't go into details but it was bad, really bad and Milla knew she needed to be home, for Chibs and to support her mother and Tara.

"Flight 874 to Boston now boarding." The voice announced and Milla gripped her carry on and balanced her son as she held tightly to their boarding passes. As she moved toward the line she felt someone grab her shoulder.

"Made it just in time. It took some miracle to get on the same flight as you." Fiona said and Milla knit her brows together. Fi was supposed to stay in Belfast and Milla would keep her informed. As Milla looked at her Fi understood. "I had ta come. I needed ta see him, let him know I'm still there."

Milla just nodded and they moved to the line ahead of Doyle, who was going as the bodyguard. As they moved forward in line Milla felt her shoulders tense. Things were about to get worse for everyone, she could just feel it.

…

**Charming**

Gemma began work on her third pack of the day as she waited for the cab to come driving up. Milla had called her from the airport and she had Little Clay with her. Gemma couldn't deny that the little boy would be a bright spot in the never ending rain of shit her life had become. He wouldn't think less of her or look down on her for anything that happened. He'd just love his Gamma. She smiled slightly at the thought of his way of speaking; it was good to have one grandbaby that could talk to her. She finished off the cigarette she had then took another out of the pack. She couldn't seem to help herself.

…

"I'll meet you in the hospital tomorrow. Ok Fi?" Milla asked as she hugged the older woman as they stood in front of the safe house outside of Charming.

"Aye, I'll be there as soon as visitin' hours start. Go see yer Ma and don' worry 'bout yer Da. There're few men tougher than that old bastard. I love ya Milla, as much as if ya were my own." She said softly as she ran a hand over Milla's cheek before she leaned and gave her other cheek a kiss. Milla's brow knit again but she quickly blanked her face.

"I love you too Fi. Be safe." She quickly grabbed Fi's hand and squeezed it before she got in the cab beside her son.

A little while later they pulled into the lot at T-M and Milla got out. Once she had her bags and Little Clay balanced on her hip she turned to see her mother standing by the office door before she pushed off and made her way to Milla.

"It's good to have you home." Gemma said quietly before she pulled Milla and Little Clay into a hug. It was so, so good to have them home and her family together. They weren't in one piece, but they were together.

…

"What happened?" Milla asked as she sat with her mother in the clubhouse, it was eerily quiet and made her skin crawl, the guys needed to be back and give the place life again.

"Weapons charges, the bond...shit it's ridiculous baby." Gemma tapped her fingers against her knee, dying for a cigarette but honoring her daughter's wishes not to chain smoke around Little Clay.

"If I had anything..." Milla said but Gemma shook her head.

"No baby, you need that money to set yourself up. Besides I doubt it would make a dent. Just you bein' here is enough." She reached over and took her daughter's hand, so happy to have her there and her grandbaby sitting on her lap, playing with the studs on her sleeve.

"Is there anything I can do? Anything at all?" She asked and Gemma looked at the clock on the wall, realizing there was something she could do.

"Come with me, I'll put ya to work." Milla felt the constriction around her heart loosen as her mom smiled and it was genuine, not the facade she'd put up. Milla couldn't put her finger on it but something was there, behind her mother's eyes and she wanted it to go away.

They drove in silence as Milla studied her mother. Gemma always played the martyr, proclaiming that her sacrifices made the Club the powerhouse it was in better times. She would use that martyrdom to bully anyone who stood in her way and demand sacrifices of everyone else. Now there was this burden on her mother that was almost a physical thing and Milla was concerned for her. The concern doubled when she noted the presence of Tara at her parents' home saw the look on her face as they entered. She'd never known Tara to employ that level of concern for Gemma...Tara's tormentor.

"Milla, what are you doing here?" Tara asked before she moved out of the way and Gemma strode into her entryway with seeming purpose.

"The question is, what are you doin' here doc? I was gonna have Milla take over for Neeta." Gemma said and Tara just looked at her, as if she was wondering why Gemma was acting...like Gemma.

"Today's my day off. I thought I'd spend some time with Abel. With Opie's kids here too I couldn't exactly leave." She said as they walked in and as soon as Milla cleared the wall by the living room area Ellie launched herself at the woman she called "Auntie" and loved like she was.

"Hey baby." Milla said softly as she leaned down to kiss Ellie's hair, thankful that her mom had collected Little Clay.

"Are you leaving us again?" Ellie asked her voice full of fear that broke Milla's heart. With that question Milla knelt down and stared Ellie in the eyes.

"I'll be leaving in a few days, but I promise you that the next time I come home it will be for good. I promise." She pressed her head against Ellie's and Gemma looked at her, unaware of the plan but knowing that Milla would never actively lie to Ellie or her brother. "Hey, Kenny, don't I get some love from you?"

The little boy smiled and ran over to his Auntie and sister, he really was happy to see her but at the same time it made him sad. She was just another person he loved who would leave him. Regardless he hugged her and they stayed that way for a while.

"Ok, you two watch TV for a little bit and I'll go make you some snacks." Milla announced and they both nodded before she turned to her mom and Tara. "Let's go."

Gemma smirked at her daughter before she threw an arm across her shoulders and led her into the kitchen to help with the snacks.

…

Later that night, Milla sat at the coffee table with the kids and a stack of coloring pages. They'd been busy that afternoon, coloring page after page and she loved it. If only she could stop the persistent twinge to her stomach. Something had happened to someone and she could feel it. She looked up suddenly at a knock at the door and got up to investigate. She stood out of the way and watched Tara talking to a lithe blonde who just had to be one of Luann's girls, the way she looked produced no other options.

"Hi." The blonde talked over Tara and looked at Milla; Milla just nodded and spoke to Tara.

"Who's this?" She asked as she looked the blonde over, cute but nothing special.

"I'm Lyla, Opie's friend. He asked me to pick up the kids, take them to dinner." She said and Milla felt the mamabear in her rise, no way was this stranger taking her babies.

"Opie's "friend" huh? Well "Opie's friend" the kids already had dinner and are enjoying themselves. Why don't you just go on home and if Ope wants to make a big deal out of this, that's for him to decide. The kids are fine here." Milla said it all calmly and Gemma watched from her position by the dining room table, she was impressed by her daughter's behavior.

"He asked me-" The blond spoke again and this time Gemma spoke up.

"You heard her. The kids are fine here. We'll let Opie know you stopped by." With that Milla walked to where Tara was still by the door and closed it in the blonde's face, not caring how it looked. As she turned to her mother there was outrage on her face.

"Opie's "friend"?" She said quietly but her voice full of venom. "Jesus Christ, Donna hasn't even gone cold yet. What the fuck is he doing with her?"

She took a deep breath and Gemma quickly grabbed her and led her into the kitchen, not wanting to see her have a breakdown in front of the kids. Once they were in the kitchen Gemma sat Milla down and gave a sharp look to Tara who stayed out. As Milla calmed down Gemma brought her a glass of water and sat with her.

"Let it out." Gemma commanded as she watched her daughter. Gemma may have been a bitch with a steel trap for a mouth if she had something to hide but she understood that Milla was wired differently, her baby girl needed to let it out or she would explode. She'd learned this painfully when her girl had reached puberty and tried to keep everything in. The blowups were the stuff of legend.

"She's...she's barely dead. He...god...it's like he's trying to replace her and Donna can never be replaced. God, it's too fucking soon Ma. The kids are still mourning, trying to figure out what to do now that their mom's gone and he's parading porn pussy around trying to make her insta-mommy. This isn't right." She shook her head and Gemma nodded in understanding, her daughter had just voiced the thoughts that had gone through her head.

"I know what you're feelin' but you gotta keep a lid on it. This is Opie's life and those are Opie's kids. It's not your place to make judgment calls." Milla nodded, but still shook her head.

"I know I just feel that the kids deserve some time, even if Ope isn't at a place for it. Damn, maybe if I was here... Ok, I'll get my shit together; the kids need their Auntie Milla." She conceded but her face told a different story. She wasn't going to let this go.

"Good, now help me in the kitchen, Tara can watch the kids." Milla just nodded and followed her mother into the next room.

...

_Later that night..._

"They're asleep. Little Clay's snuggling up to Abel." She smiled at Tara who nodded.

"Thanks, Gemma just got the call, they should be here soon." Milla felt a smile light her face and looked away. She didn't want to share too much with Tara; she didn't know how far the trust could go yet.

"Do you mind if I ask you something?" Tara asked and Milla looked at her, wondering if her mind had been read.

"Ask away, no guarantee I'll answer." She said honestly and Tara nodded.

"Fair enough, why do you keep going back? Every time I see you here you look so happy, so..._alive_. Then when I hear your voice from Belfast it's flat and dead. What draws you back there, when this is where you want to be?" She asked as she sat with Milla at a table not far from the hallway where the kids were passed out in a dorm room.

"The reasons aren't simple. I have business in Belfast, arrangements and deals that I've made. If I just picked up and left without paying my debts...let's just say it wouldn't be good for me or Little Clay." She divulged all the information she felt she could and Tara nodded, still curious but understanding that Milla couldn't tell her everything.

"They're here." Gemma said and Milla rose with Tara to go outside. As they stood they watched the van unload and the men walk out looking like the world was on all of their shoulders. Milla's eyes darted, looking for Juice but she wasn't able to find him. As Tig passed she went toward him but her mother held her back. She was so frightened by Juice's absence that the animosity between her brother and father hardly registered. Juice should've been there. Soon the men were inside and her mother released her. When she walked in the clubhouse she was met by a wall of tense silence. She didn't know what to say or do and stood helplessly until her Uncle Bobby took notice of her and took pity on her.

"He's not here darlin." He said as he motioned her to him and put a hand on her shoulder. "He was...hurt... He'll be in the hospital for a while but he's fine"

She felt her heart squeeze like it was in a fist and couldn't speak if she had wanted to and Bobby took pity on her.

"He'll be fine, they're movin him to St. Thomas in the morning, low risk and all that. Stop fretting, he'll be good." At Bobby's assurance that Juice would be ok she could breathe again and nodded.

"Thank you." She said hoarsely and Bobby pulled her into a hug.

"I love ya darlin' don't want ya to go into shock." She chuckled at that and she smiled. "Go on and check on your Ma, we'll talk later."

She nodded again and went toward the office where she instinctively knew her mother would be. She had a busy day the next day and needed to bring Little Clay home. She had a feeling she'd be spending the day at St. Thomas.

…

_The Next Morning..._

"What're you doin up so early?" Clay asked Milla as she walked by his position at the dining room table on the way to the kitchen. He hadn't slept the night before and was just sitting and thinking.

"I'm bringing Little Clay to Jax's. Neeta's going to watch him. Then I'm going to St. Thomas. Tara said I could go in to see Chibs and the doctors have cleared Juice for visitors." She said and Clay nodded before he pointed at a chair.

"Sit." Milla obediently walked to the offered seat and sat, waiting for further instructions. "Irish know you're here or did ya skip out on hubby?"

"They know I'm here, I cleared the trip with the Counsel. I just need to be back in about three days, maybe sooner. There's some shit in the ranks that I'm not privy to." She admitted and Clay nodded, He was glad she didn't know it meant she was in the clear.

"Just keep your head down and nose clean Angel. There's shit goin' on that I don't want you wrapped up in." He stood up and moved to kiss her head. "Let Juice and Chibs know we're pullin for 'em."

"Yes Daddy." She said before she got up and went to the kitchen where she packed a small snack bag for Little Clay. They had to get a move on if she wanted to spend as much time with Juice as possible.

…

Fiona sat in the chair by Filip's bed. He'd been awake for a few minutes, long enough to talk a bit but Fiona knew it wasn't enough, what she said would never be enough so she sat and prayed that Filip would forgive her and god would see fit to make them a family again. Her prayer took the form of words she longed to say. Soon she crossed herself then sat back and watched the man she loved, the father of her child, fight to live.

What seemed like hours later Milla walked into the room and spared a sympathetic look to Fiona who was sitting in a chair by Chibs' bed and flipping through a magazine, looking bored. She looked up at Milla and gave her a small smile.

"He's awake on and off lovey. Come sit with me for a few minutes." Milla nodded and sat with Fiona.

"Wanna know something funny?" Milla asked and Fiona nodded before she took her hand in hers. "When I was thirteen I wanted Chibs in the worst way. I had it all planned out, he was going to fall in love with me but wait until I was eighteen. Then he'd make me his Old Lady and we'd get married in the clubhouse. For our honeymoon he'd take me on a tour of the world. Then we'd have a house full of little Scottish babies. Funny how dreams change huh?"

She asked and Fiona nodded. Dreams change when you're young before the weight of the world crushes them. She hoped Milla still had dreams.

"What are your dreams now?" Fiona asked and Milla's walls crashed completely.

"My dream is in room 207." She said quietly and Fiona nodded. She knew Milla's pain and wished the girl would open up to her.

…

Juice was hurting and pissed. They were supposed to put him on a morphine drip but the nurses were doing everything they could to stay out of his room. No doubt because of the prison escort he'd gotten earlier that morning. He reasoned that it wouldn't have been so bad if he could have been on his back but..._no_... His wounds meant that he had to stay off his back and an overabundance of fluid gathering went that he had to have tubes inserted into his punctures so this meant that as long as he was draining lying on his stomach was a no-go. God, nothing could make this better. A soon as he thought that his door opened and a petite dark-haired angel walked in and he felt a smile stretch his face, suddenly thankful for no drugs because he knew this wasn't a hallucination. His baby was here and she was with him. Just as he was about to speak he saw tears start to pour down her face.

"No tears, I'm alive and you're here. I can't think of anything better right now. Come over here." He commanded and Milla walked to the bed and pulled the chair up close and Juice took the hand she offered in his.

"I love you." She whispered and Juice brought her hand to his lips, not able to do anything else.

"More than anything." He kissed her hand and she rose to bring her lips to his, kissing him softly.

"You and Little Clay are my everything." She said and he kissed her again before she pressed her forehead to his.

"Ditto for me baby...Ditto." She smiled and took Juice's hand between both of hers, memorizing the feel, content in the knowledge that even a shiv to the back couldn't separate them.


	16. Nemo

**I own nothing you recognize. All original characters and storylines are my own.**

_**Nemo**_

…

_Oh how I wish_

_For soothing rain_

_All I wish is to dream again_

_My loving heart _

_Lost in the dark_

_For hope I'd give my everything_

_..._

_My flower_

_Withered between_

_The pages two and three_

_The once and forever bloom gone with my sins_

_..._

_Walk the dark path _

_Sleep with angels_

_Call the past for help_

_Touch me with your love_

_And reveal to me my true name_

…

_Oh how I wish_

_For soothing rain_

_All I wish is to dream again_

_My loving heart _

_Lost in the dark_

_For hope I'd give my everything_

…_._

_Oh how I wish_

_For soothing rain_

_Oh how I wish to dream again_

_Once and for all_

_And all for once_

_Nemo my name forever more_

…_._

_Nemo sailing home_

_Nemo letting go_

…_._

_Oh how I wish_

_For soothing rain_

_All I wish is to dream again_

_My loving heart _

_Lost in the dark_

_For hope I'd give my everything_

_..._

_Oh how I wish_

_For soothing rain_

_Oh how I wish to dream again_

_Once and for all_

_And all for once_

_Nemo my name forever more_

_..._

_Name forever more- _**Nightwish**

…

**Charming**

Milla sat on the chair by Juice's bed and read from the book she brought with her. She had a feeling that between him and Chibs she wouldn't get much conversation so she came prepared. Now that he was sleeping in a drug induced slumber she realized that her decision to bring the book had been a good one. She could always stash it when he woke up, she didn't want to miss a minute with him. She settled into the chair to read and only left when the nurses showed up. After a while she had the need to get up and went out in the hallway. She'd barely stepped out the door when she heard the click of heels.

"Fancy seein' you here. How's Juicy?" Gemma asked as she looked at her daughter and waited for an answer.

"He's good, right now he's sleeping. Listen, before you lecture me, I'm just here as a friend. I know the Club may not be...ok...with me and him just yet, the pesky marriage and all...but I need to be here." She explained and Gemma nodded.

"No need to worry darlin' everyone's lost in their own shit, probably glad you're here with him so they don't have to be. I'm having a family dinner tonight and I want you there." She thinly veiled her command and Milla actually looked sheepish.

"I can't, I have to go with Fiona. Apparently there are people who aren't too happy with us and I need to put out a couple of fires. It's for Little Clay's safety." She said and Gemma nodded.

"Come to the house when you're done?" She asked and Milla nodded.

"Yeah, I'll be there. It just depends on how big the fire is that I have to put out." She took a breath and calmed her nerves a bit. Her text from Jimmy hadn't hinted at anything good.

…

Keegan leaned against the wall of the Marina's office, smoking a fag and checking texts. The whore had sent him one telling him she was in Charming and not to bother checking in and Jimmy was wonderin' where the fuck he was. He smirked; things had been goin' so well. Zoebelle had put the King and his cronies away for a while. Lord knows how they made bond but Keegan could deal with that, they were only out temporarily after all. His smirk turned into an all out grin as he thought about the Latino bane of his existence, the little fucker had been stabbed. The shame of it was that he was still alive. Well, soon as Zoebelle's connections came through he'd be gone and his lovely wife wouldn't have a soul in the world...except his son...Clarence was the only one he felt anything for. The boy may have had his mind poisoned but he was still Keegan's own blood. Once his whore of a mother was taken care of then things would be set right, he'd get his son a nanny then put him up in world class boarding schools. He nodded, that was the way ta go.

So far the only major snag had been the old bitch keeping her mouth shut. You'd think she'd want vengeance for what had been done, or the attention it would garner... Instead she stayed silent and the Club had to be lured into traps in other ways. No matter, soon enough she and her whore daughter would be in their own shallow graves, he just had to think of the location. He chuckled and stood straight when the boat pulled into harbor. Cammy'd just gone on a run to check on their stock that would be ready for delivery tomorrow.

"How'd it go?" He asked and Cameron glared at him.

"Heard that there're grumbles in Charmin' I t'ink the bikers are onta us." He said and Keegan scoffed. There was no way, Zoebelle snipped any loose ends.

"They aren't that smart." Keegan said with conviction. "In a few weeks we'll be flush with money and all our problems will disappear. Now come with me fer a drink, toast our good fortune and superior intelligence."

Cameron followed behind Keegan, feeling like he'd been talking to a wall. The boy relied entirely too much on the white hate kingpin and his thugs. He didn't look at the situation from the right angles. They had to be careful now; the Sons weren't the kind of men to underestimate.

…

"You're sure I'm not hurting you?" Milla asked as she rested her head on the pillow next to Juice.

"Not at all." He lied smoothly, his back was protesting as he moved his arm around her and his side was sore but that didn't matter. What mattered was that she was in his arms. As if sensing his thoughts she moved her mouth up to his and he kissed her gently. Before it could get heated she pulled away and pressed her forehead with his.

"Can we pretend for a little while?" She asked and he looked at her quizzically before she continued. "Pretend that I'm yours and you're mine...no obstacles."

"I already am baby. Have been since you walked through that door." He smiled and she sighed in contentment before she kissed him, once she was free there would be no pretending.

…

_Later that Night..._

Milla took a deep breath as she stood at the doorway to the safe house with Doyle standing behind her like a big muscular shadow. She didn't want to be there, especially if Jimmy was going to be as angry as she assumed he was. She knew she'd done wrong and was willing to apologize but at the same time she could defend herself. She was about to knock again when the door opened and Luke ushered them in.

"Well hello there little miss Milla. A bit strange seein ya here, without me givin ya leave an' all." He said it jovially but, as always, she could hear the implications and they pissed her off.

"I won't apologize for coming home Jimmy. Yes, I should have told you I was leaving but you weren't in town and my family needed me. That's what's important now." She stood her ground and Jimmy smirked.

"Aye, yer ties to yer family are important. I just don' like ya goin when I feel ya ain't comin back. It's a good t'ing I was already stateside, or I might've missed yer arrival with my wife." He gave Fiona a sharp look and Milla straightened but Jimmy didn't let her speak. "I know she surprised ya too. I just wanted ya ta know that this subterfuge wasn't appreciated. Now I have another task for ya, it's in two parts. One, ya keep quiet about me bein' here. I have a feeling some t'ings are happenin that I'm not gonna like and two, when I tell ya ta go back ta Belfast, ya go. You agree ta my conditions?"

Milla stood in front of him with her face blanked. She suddenly felt trapped and needed a way out but she knew that agreeing with him would be the easiest, safest thing.

"I'll agree to your conditions if you agree to mine. It's another two parter." She threw his words back at him. "I'll do what you ask if you, one, take care of my husband. You've been double dealing me for months here, contracting other people to do your job then holding back because you "need him" for some bullshit job. No more, Keegan dies."

She looked at him, her eyes hard as stone and her mouth fixed in a grim tight line. For the first time Jimmy could see that this wasn't the little girl who'd come a long way from home anymore, this was a woman who would get what she wanted, no matter the cost and he was impressed.

"Two...when he's gone and I'm free you let me go. I come home to Charming and our deals are done. No more True IRA shit for me and all my debts are clear. When I'm home it's to stay." Her eyes were still hard and Jimmy couldn't help but relent. With Keegan gone he'd have nothing more to hold over her head, she'd also greatly reduce in value so sending her away wouldn't be such a blow.

"Aye, you do this for me and I'll follow through." He put out his hand to shake and she shook on it, happy to be done with it.

…

"Thank you Doyle." Milla said as they drove toward her parents' house.

"Fer what?" He asked and she gave him a tiny smile.

"For staying by my side and not saying anything to Jimmy." She said the last quietly and he nodded but didn't say anything. He didn't need to, she understood why he did what he did, he could see the understanding in her eyes. As they turned into her parents' driveway she sat straight up, there was Deputy Hale...David…standing at his Jeep. When they stopped he walked over to her door and when she rolled down the window he looked surprised to see her.

"Milla?" The last time he'd seen her had been when she left Donna Winston's funeral, she' been acting like a zombie and he'd thought that she'd learned just what her so-called family was capable of and left for good. He'd apparently been wrong.

"Deputy Hale." She greeted with a nod. "What's happening?"

"Can you step out of the car for a moment?" He asked and Milla raised an eyebrow and forced him to continue. "I'd rather tell you face to face."

Milla nodded and felt deeply concerned as she stepped out of the car. As she stared at David he took a breath and started.

"Luann Delaney was found beside her car this afternoon. She'd been beaten with blunt objects, such as a baseball bat, and the perpetrators left her for dead." He said gravely and Milla's hand flew to her mouth as she stifled a sob. It couldn't be, her Auntie Lu couldn't be hurt like that.

"She's not..." Milla couldn't say it and Deputy Hale shook his head.

"No, she's not dead. She was just beaten severely and right now she's in critical condition at St. Thomas. I think it would be a good idea for someone to be there for her. I can provide you with a police escort if you want to go." He offered and Milla nodded.

"I'm not family, will they let me-" She began to ask but he cut her off.

"Don't worry about that. I'll make sure you're let in. You're the closest thing to family she has here." Milla nodded and went back to the car. David nodded to himself before he went to his Jeep, happy that at least one member of the clan knew how to look beyond whatever their own shit was.

As Milla and Doyle drove behind David and his flashing lights she texted her mother to inform her that she'd be in later. Her Auntie Lu needed her.

…

_A Couple of Days Later..._

Milla was sitting at Luann's bedside, like she'd done a lot of for the last few days, and waited for the few minutes of consciousness that Luann had been able to give her. They'd managed to get the swelling in her brain now and were hopeful that today would be the day that Luann would regain extended consciousness so they could test for brain damage or neural issues. Milla was reading about "100 Ways to Please Your Man", and taking mental notes of things to try with Juice when he was healthy and they were free, when there was a moan from the bed. She looked up to see Luann's eye open, the other was covered in gauze, and heard more unintelligible moans.

"Lu, oh god, I'll get the doctor." Milla got up and ran into the hallway where she grabbed the first nurse she could and told her to get Lu's doctor. The nurse complied and Milla waited outside while the doctor ran tests on Luann.

"You can come in Mrs. Rafferty." The doctor said as he poked his head out the door and Milla nodded before she walked in and moved to Luann's side. She took her surrogate mother's hand in hers and kissed her fingers as the doctor spoke.

"We still have to conduct a battery of tests but from what we can tell from Mrs. Delaney's injuries she has the potential of making a decent recovery." Milla felt tears in her eyes and leaned to kiss Luann's cheek before the doctor continued. "That's not to say that her recovery will be complete. The damage to her left eye has been irreparable and an enucleation is the only option. Also, the damage to her left arm and hand is severe to the point where, while amputation is not the appropriate course of action, we do not feel that she will ever regain full use. Luckily, she is not showing signs of extreme neural trauma and I feel as though she will regain her faculties with hard work, persistence and a good care staff."

"Thank you doctor. I'll make sure that she's taken care of." Milla still clutched Lu's hand and the doctor nodded.

"I'm glad Mrs. Delaney has family like you to care for her. I'll leave you alone for a few minutes, then we'll take her down for a scan." Milla nodded and smiled down at her beloved Lu.

"You hear that, they're optimistic. I'm so sorry about your eye but we'll figure something out, get you a sexy eye patch or something." She shook her head. "Scratch that, we'll figure it out as soon as you're out of here."

"Cara-" Luann started before her dry throat stopped her.

"Cara Cara's good. Bobby's working with one of your girls named Chantal or Chantrelle, something like that. They're taking care of it all. No need to worry." She kissed Lu's hand and Lu swallowed before she tried to talk again.

"Cara...Cara...yours...Rosen." Luann said before she coughed lightly and Milla was sure she heard her wrong. "Call...Rosen...Cara...Cara...yours."

Milla stood shocked by the bed as the words sunk in. Luann had just told her that Cara Cara was hers. That couldn't be right, she was delusional. That meant that there was only one thing to do. Once Luann was in for tests she had to call the Club attorney.

…

Milla sat in silence as Rosen started packing up his briefcase. He'd been near Charming when she called and just happened to be on his way to track her down. Jax had called him regarding Cara Cara's ownership with Luann's inability to run things so he'd gotten the files together to talk to Jax and hopefully track down Milla. Luckily Milla had gotten to him first.

She still couldn't believe that Luann had drawn up paperwork to make Milla her successor. At the advent of Luann's death or grievous injury she'd made Milla Cara Cara's big boss. Milla knew next to nothing about the porn business and would have to find an executive officer to work for her while she was in Belfast but she could learn and she felt tears in her eyes for the second time that day. Lu had unwittingly just given her a reason to come home that no one would argue with. Wiping tears from her eyes she got out of the booth and leaned up to kiss Rosen's cheek. The man had just saved her life and didn't even know it.

…

_The Next Day..._

Milla couldn't believe the state of her luck. She'd just become owner of Cara Cara and even found a working arrangement that worked with her brother when the place started on fire. She wasn't an idiot, she understood that it was arson there was no other way around it, but it certainly felt like an act of god, a god that didn't want her to have a home or be happy. The only good thing she could think of was that the entire place didn't burn to the ground. Yes, the store room was gutted and the performer's area was in cinders along with the office but the structure still stood, only one of the servers was baked and the outlying buildings were untouched. This meant they could run on a skeleton crew and a few girls and still work, but it would only take a couple of weeks to get going and a few months to fix the damage in the studio. That is if the Club ponied up the money, which she doubted they would with the current state of things.

Her mind was on overdrive as she pushed Little Clay in the cart in the grocery store. He was playing with a toy plane that had been a gift from his Grampa Clay and talking a mile a minute as Milla collected food. Her mother was going to make an intimate, immediate family only, dinner and Milla had volunteered to do the shopping, anything to get out of the house and out of the hospital. As much as she loved Juice and Lu she couldn't stand it anymore. Her only consolation was that Chibs was out and the last time she visited he seemed to be over the majority of his animosity toward her. She wouldn't doubt that Fiona was behind that change of heart. Once she had the food she pushed the cart outside to where one of the hang arounds was waiting. She couldn't use Doyle as a chauffeur anymore and that was fine with her, he deserved a break. As she unloaded her bags she felt a presence behind her and turned to see Little Clay showing a tall woman in an ill-fitting suit his plane. The woman looked up and met her stare with cold eyes.

"Hello, Mrs. Rafferty, I'm Agent June Stahl with ATF. I was hoping we could have a quick word." She smiled and the curve of her lips looked wrong on her face, unnatural.

"I'm sorry Agent Stahl but I have groceries to get home and a little boy who needs a nap." She grabbed Little Clay and set him in his seat, keenly aware of the fact that Agent Stahl wasn't budging. Once Little Clay was buckled in and secure she turned to Agent Stahl. "I know what you want to talk about Agent Stahl and I know nothing. In case you haven't noticed I live in Belfast and I have no idea what happens around here."

"Well your presence here indicates otherwise. You arrived in Charming not long after Filip Telford's accident and the imprisonment of the majority of the Redwood Charter." She said pointedly and Milla scoffed.

"Imagine that, my mother tells me that someone I've loved since I was a teenager was injured and I come to offer support. Yeah, that's awfully suspicious." Milla shook her head. "I don't know anything about anything Agent."

Milla was getting ready to get in the car before Agent Stahl spoke up again and forced her to turn around.

"What about the True IRA? My sources show you're pretty chummy with several of their members. I mean you're married to Keegan Rafferty, one of Jimmy O'Phelan's middle men and very close to Fiona Larkin and her daughter. You mean to tell me that you don't know anything at all?" She asked and Milla sighed deeply.

"No, I don't know anything at all. I'm just a wife; I'm not even on the fringes. In other words, I'm worthless to you." She crossed her arms over her chest and Stahl looked at her.

"Quick question, do you know where your husband is? According to our sources he dropped off the radar nearly two weeks ago. You don't think something happened to him do you?" She asked, hoping for some tell on Milla's part. In reality she knew exactly where the Irish asshole was and wanted wifey to spill. She could offer a good deal for a young mother who cooperated.

"Did your sources check all the pubs from Belfast to Dungloe? He can't walk past an establishment without sampling their wares. Now if you'll excuse me I have some frozen items that need to be returned to a freezer and a little boy about to get cranky. Have a lovely day and please, leave me alone. I don't think your superiors would look upon harassment charges favorably." With the threat in the air Milla got in the car and had the hang around drive them to her parents' house, she had groceries to unload.

…

_Later that day..._

They lay in the hospital bed together with the curtains closed. After much begging and pleading on Juice's part he'd convinced her to see how far they could go and how quiet they could be. Soon enough he had his tongue down her throat and his hand between her legs. She'd managed a blow job earlier and his stitches hadn't torn so he deemed that progress but there was no way he was going to leave her hanging. Once she'd sighed in his mouth and clenched his fingers rhythmically he knew she was done and he removed his hand, disappointed that this was all they could do. He brought his fingers to his mouth and licked them clean as Milla lay panting on her back, her breasts pushing her cleavage to the fore. The way she looked at him made him feel like a god and he was glad she'd agreed to this. Then again, when she'd shown up she was upset so it really was no surprise that she wanted a distraction. He just had to convince her.

Once they were calmed and cleaned up Milla got out of the bed and pulled the curtains back before she sat by the bed and watched Animal Planet with him. He kept watching her as she sat with him, amazed that she'd put her life on hold for him and proud. Even though it wasn't official everyone seemed to treat her like she was his Old Lady and he was grateful for that fact. They sat comfortably for a few minutes before Bobby and Jax entered the room. On their way in each hugged Milla before Bobby went to greet Juice. She smiled at their interaction before Jax turned to her and gave her a serious look.

"Can you go outside for a few minutes sweetheart? We have some Club business to discuss with Juice." Jax requested and she nodded.

"Yeah, I'll be in the hallway, come get me when you're done." She asked and her brother nodded, already planning on doing that.

Milla stood in the hallway, worried about what would be so important that they'd come to the hospital to discuss with their injured brother. As she contemplated Jax came out and leaned against the wall with her, not saying anything but with worry hanging off him like a cloak.

"I know it's not my place, but I'm here if you want to talk." She said quietly and Jax turned to her.

"I'm going Nomad; it just needs to be brought to vote." He said it quietly and was amazed when Milla just nodded.

"You feel this will fix whatever's goin on with the Club?" She asked before she turned to him. "Fix whatever's goin on with you?"

"Yeah, this is the only way." He said quietly and Milla nodded again.

"Good thing Tara's a good woman and puts up with your shit. Just be sure she knows how much more shit she's going to put up with. I have faith in her to care for your son and keep a home for you but you need to have the same faith and do your damndest to come back to her. I love you big bro and I'll support you." Milla said, not sure how her brother would react. He moved quickly and wrapped his arms around her, loving his little sister more than he thought possible. She got it and she supported him, now if only Gemma would let go.

"I love you Millipede, more than you know." He kissed her forehead and she nodded. She knew. He was the only one to call her back during her exile, she knew.

…

Later that afternoon Milla left the hospital, sad about leaving Juice but glad to finally be able to spend some time with her family. Even with the tension she'd be with her Dad, her brother and Mother. There was something about blood family that no other family could rival. Before she got to the car she knew she was waiting for a large, black sedan parked in front of her and she inwardly groaned. She knew who it was and he was the last person she wanted to see. As Jimmy stepped out of the car and she looked on his face she knew what he wanted.

"Now?" She asked in exasperation and Jimmy nodded. "Come on, I barely spent any time with my family."

"Tha's not my problem. Go to yer Ma's house, collect yer boy then meet us at the safehouse. I already got tickets for ya an Little Clay, Fi's stayin with me so I can keep an eye on 'er. I want ya back and with the army. There's shit brewin' in Charmin' an I wan' ya out of the way." He said and Milla sighed.

"Would this shit have to do with my wayward husband? I got shanghaied by an ATF Agent earlier, said the bastard's been off the radar for two weeks." She said and Jimmy couldn't help but smirk, the girl had balls.

"He's back on the radar an' yer not safe. Go, say goodbye to yer family for now. Yeh'll be back before ya know it." His command was light but she still heard it and nodded.

"I'll go, but remember our deal Jimmy. I go and you take care of this." She said brusquely and Jimmy nodded. He'd take care of things.

"I will, now ya go and I'll have Doyle come get ya." He dismissed her and got in, driving off while Milla swore, going to the car where the hang around was waiting but was smart enough to keep his mouth shut as she got in.

…

Milla looked out the window as they took off, feeling worse the higher they climbed. She felt like she was abandoning her family when they needed her the most but she'd made a deal and had to follow through. Her mother said she understood but Gemma was famous for saying one thing and feeling another so Milla was understandably wary of anything her mother said, but she'd assured her that she'd be back and that seemed to placate Gemma. With another in a long line of sighs she settled back into the seat. She really should try to sleep; she had a long flight ahead of her.

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><p>…<p>

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><p><strong>Author's Note: <strong>We're on the home stretch! One more chapter to go before it's over. Thank you all so much for reading and reviewing I can't possibly tell you all how much you inspire me. I'm hoping to have the last chapter up by the end of the week so have a look out. Again, thank you all so much for reading and reviewing! :)


	17. Consequence

**I own nothing you recognize. All original characters are my own.**

_**Consequence**_

_…_

_Blink and you miss a beat_  
><em>Keep one of your eyes open at all times<em>  
><em>Think that you're on the brink<em>  
><em>The shit hasn't even begun to hit the fan<em>  
><em>Consequence you'll see will be stranger<em>  
><em>Than a gang of drunken mimes<em>  
><em>Situation has a stink<em>  
><em>Better clear the air before your son becomes a man<em>

_Before your son becomes a man_

_Blink everything's been augmented_  
><em>You've been left so far behind<em>  
><em>I think for sure next time<em>  
><em>You should wear a pair of eyes<em>  
><em>In the back of your head<em>  
><em>Consequence you've seen<em>  
><em>Has been stranger than sci-fi of any kind<em>  
><em>Situation baffles me<em>  
><em>I guess it's true you too are one Of<em>  
><em>The walking dead<em>

_You better think fast, think fast_  
><em>Cause you never know<em>  
><em>What's coming around the bend<em>  
><em>You better not blink<em>  
><em>oh blink<em>  
><em>The consequence is a bigger word than you think<em>

_It's bigger than you or me_  
><em>You or me<em>  
><em>You or me<em>

_You or me -_**Incubus**  
>…<p>

**Belfast**

Milla sat in Maureen's kitchen with a stack of money in front of her. She couldn't believe she was so close to having her life make sense again. She only wished that Charming hadn't gone noncom in the days since she left, it was never good and it pointed to their being a problem between Charming and the True IRA. Milla only hoped that the problems wouldn't amount to war.

"Ya shoulda gone with 'er. Taken Clay and maybe even Kerri with ya, gotten out of the six counties for a while. Give ya perspective." Maureen said as she poured Milla some tea and handed her some bands to place around the money.

"I couldn't, I have to be by the phone in case things get worse in Charming. The last I heard they moved my Auntie Lu off the critical list and someone else got sent home. Still, I can't help but think that things have just gotten astronomically worse." She placed the bands around the first batch of money and Maureen sat to help her.

"Tha's usually the way it goes. Ya wan' me ta get ya a money bag from below? I think it would be a good idea ta keep it all together." Maureen asked and Milla observed her. She was being kind and generous and she didn't trust it.

"Why are you doing this Maureen? We both know you hate me and, for some reason, hate my family." Milla asked Maureen and vocalized thoughts that had been going through her head for a long time.

"I don't hate ya love. I just wish ya woulda stayed in yer world. Ya were never meant ta come here; it's why ya never really made a life. No, I don' hate ya and my issues with yer family are jus' that, _my issues_, so let it go. As fer why I'm doin' this...well yer goin home. Tha's all I've wanted since the beginning. It's where ya belong." She sat back and let Milla digest the information.

"You're right, it is where I belong." Milla said as she put the money into neat stacks. It was so much easier to flee with cash.

…

**Charming**

Juice couldn't believe what he'd heard at the meeting. Keegan had not only been in town for _weeks_ under their radar but he'd also worked with Zoebelle to bring down the Club. He was going to be a dead man as soon as they could deal with him, first they had to take down Zoebelle and once that was done the Council had given them leave to get Keegan for that "chat" about loyalty and family that had been years in the making. Juice hoped he got to pay the little bitch back for all the pain and suffering he'd been put through.

As soon as Edmond saw the rats in the crate he knew that they were fucked beyond saving. Not only did Jimmy know about the deal with the white hate sons of bitches, he knew about his dealings with the ATF and was going to do something about it. With a deep breath he made a call to Keegan, hoping that the hatchet-faced agent would take the prick over his Da, they were just the middle men in this. Keegan was the one who started it all. If he played it right he could have Keegan, Jimmy and Clay all out of the way and he and his father would be free men.

…

"What da ya mean there were rats in tha crate?" Keegan asked as Edmond related the situation to him.

"Jimmy knows and he's pissed as shite. Our only chance is ta split the money an' run. Ya have that place in Costa Rica, right?" Edmond asked, hoping to throw his former friend off enough to get him to slip up and give Stahl what she needed.

"He can't know, not with everyt'ing the way it is. Where's yer da? He'll know." Keegan was in denial, no way would they know because if Jimmy knew then that meant the Club knew and Keegan was a marked man, especially if they learned about his call to break the matriarch.

"Tha's what I'm trying ta find out. After the last shipment he's in the wind. Ya at the Marina?" He asked and Keegan heard a crackling in the line. The bastard was bugged.

"Too hot there, ATF nosin about. Ya wouldn't happen ta know 'bout that would ya Eddie? ATF knowin about the Marina?" He didn't even give Edmond a chance to answer as he hung up and called his Separatist sugar daddy.

"Now isn't a good time Mr. Rafferty." Zoebelle said into the phone as he stayed securely in his "panic room" that he had outfitted in the back of the shop. If he was in hiding SAMCRO wouldn't be able to find him and exact justice. He nervously licked his lips as he thought about how badly things had gone. He never should have underestimated the outlaws, they were far from the white trash thugs Jacob Hale Jr. had so denigrated.

"I need ta' know. Are we compromised?" He asked and Zoebelle grimly chuckled.

"Compromised was several days ago, now we are in the path of vengeance. It was lovely doing business with you Mr. Rafferty but I'm afraid I have to sever this relationship. Perhaps we can do business again in a few years, if your father-in-law doesn't gut both of us like fish first." He chuckled humorlessly before he said his parting words. "Godspeed Mr. Rafferty, he's the only one that can save you now."

After Zoebelle hung up Keegan was seized with blind panic. If they got to Zoebelle, it would be nothing to get to him. As he hyperventilated he called a cab, he was going to go to the Marina and get out before ATF knew what was happening, it was his only chance. He'd have to forego his plans for vengeance and his wife's shallow grave but that was fine, he had enough money for a cushy life in Costa Rica, he'd planned on the Hayes's taking the fall anyway so he was clear. He just had to stay away from any areas where the Sons had charters, otherwise he'd be fucked.

…

Later that night Juice sat at his computer looking over the surveillance they'd gotten from Jimmy's men as he nursed his newly stitched wounds. There it all was evidence enough to bury everyone, Cameron, Edmond...Keegan... He stared at the picture of Keegan shaking hands with Zoebelle. He knew in his heart that it was Keegan who set everything in motion, Keegan who ordered them to "break the queen". He'd told his theory to Clay and after the man swore he agreed and agreed that when the time came they'd all have a piece of the Irish bastard but Juice would get the first, and the last hit in and when the time came he'd call Milla and let her know she was free. That was one phone call he was nearly desperate to make.

…

_The Next Day..._

Cameron looked at the bundled up little boy next to him and felt tears pouring down his face again. A son for a son, it was in the Bible. You take back what was taken from you and she'd taken his boy so he took from her boy. He felt no shame in taking him but he did feel shame in drawing a blade on him. This was a baby, an innocent life and he'd threatened it. He'd say his Hail Mary's when he was back in Ireland, after he'd explained himself to the Council, after he'd made things right. Now he had ta get out of there and he knew Keegan hadn't taken the boat, he still thought Zoebelle would save them. Well, he wouldn't so now it was Cameron's duty to save himself and get his revenge. A son from a Son, it was the only way.

…

Keegan paced on the boat as he contemplated taking off. He'd thought about it the night before but came to the sobering realization that he didn't know how to run the damned thing. That meant that he needed Cammy, and just as he took out his phone his prayers were answered. Cameron came running down the gangplank carrying a bundle, while the sound of motorcycles could be heard close on his tail. Keegan stood straight and as Cammy ran aboard he saw what was in the bundle, it was a baby and from the look of the Reaper on his head it was Jax's boy.

"Shit Cammy, ya can't do this." He said and grabbed Cameron's hand as the older man pulled out into the harbor and pushed Keegan hard enough that he fell out of the boat.

…

Juice pushed himself harder than he ever had as he followed his Pres and VP down to the docks. The Irish prick had taken Abel, a boy that was his family, and that meant that he had to do everything in his power to bring him back. He had to push even harder. In what would seem like no time to the casual observer, but what had felt like years later they made it to the dock in time to see Cameron pull out far beyond their reach. As Jax screamed and sobbed in Clay's arms Juice caught his breath and cursed Hayes for doing this to his family.

There was a spluttering noise to his side and he saw a sight that filled him with renewed rage and a vindictive sense of satisfaction. Keegan was near the dock struggling to stay above the water and as his eyes caught Juice's they filled with fear and if the man could have swam he would have went the other way. Juice straightened up and went to get something to pull the man in closer when Hap handed him a pole used for pulling nets in. With a nod of thanks Juice proceeded to latch the hook onto Keegan and hauled him over.

"Clay, we've got something." He said as he turned to his President who still held Jax. As Clay's eyes lighted onto his son-in-law they filled with a rage so burning hot that Keegan felt as though he was burnt.

"He's not leaving here. Get a confession outta him, then we take care of it." Clay said with a finality that caused Keegan to loose his bowels as Juice got on his belly on the dock and gripped the shifty Irish prick by his lapels.

"Tell us everything and we make this painless, jerk us around and Hap will try out his new toys." Juice commanded and Keegan felt fear. It was far from the first time the Latino had threatened him but this time it felt different. This time he wasn't risking getting roughed up a bit, no, this time he was going to die. Well if he was going to die he was going to hurt as many people as he could.

"Tell ya what? Tell ya how I arranged with Zoebelle ta supply him weapons? Tell ya how I planned on killing Milla with my bare hands the second I got the chance? Tell ya how I arranged what happened to dear Gemma? I knew ya wouldn't want a used abused minge, make her used goods. At least Gemma fought though. Not like her daughter who spread her legs for any man in the six counties. That's what ya want boyo, a little whore-" Hearing him confess to Gemma's abuse and insult Milla cause something in Juice's head to snap and he let go of Keegan's lapel, only to dunk his head under the water. As the rage took over he forgot he was supposed to interrogate him and as the bubbles came up less often the memory surged and he brought Keegan up and the man spluttered and gasped for breath. "That all ya got boyo?"

Keegan laughed and Juice took a deep breath. He had to finish this, do right by his President. He was Intelligence Officer; it was his job to gather intelligence.

"Did you help set up the bombing that almost killed Chibs?" Juice asked out of curiosity more than anything else.

"Yeah, even showed 'em how ta do the bomb. I did it all and I'd do it again, only this time I'd have them give Milla a little party too, show her how whores are supposed ta be treated. She's already like her bitch mother, give them more in common." That was it; the threat to Milla was all it took to give him tunnel vision. Keegan had to die. He pushed him under the water again and held him as he struggled. It felt good but then the realization that he was taking another life hit him and even though Keegan deserved it a small voice in his head started shouting at him to stop and he found that he couldn't but he also found that he didn't have to when Hap tapped him on the shoulder.

"Let me finish this." The enforcer said and Juice let go of Keegan and all of the men watched as Happy held the man underwater until the struggling stopped and continued to hold him until all the bubbles stopped, only when Keegan's hands began to float in the water like seaweed did Hap let go and stand up. He stood with his brothers as the bastard who had caused so much trouble floated to the top of the water and his body was pushed against the deck to the rhythm of the current. They may have missed Zoebelle but someone had paid and they felt some vindication.

"Make the call." Clay commanded as he held his distraught stepson and looked at the dead body of his son in law, the man who had arranged the defilement of his queen and defiled his daughter. It was done.

Juice took off his gloves and took out his phone. He dialed the number he knew by heart and waited for her to answer as he stared at her husband's body and felt a rush of satisfaction. It was done and she was free.

"Juice? Is everything ok?" Milla asked in a panic and he felt his heart go to her, the only woman who he loved and now the only woman who would have his crow.

"It's done, he won't hurt you anymore. He won't hurt anyone anymore." Juice said in an odd voice and he heard Milla's breathing increase and he knew she was crying.

"No more obstacles?" She asked and Juice felt a grave smile light his face and he knew his eyes were hard.

"None." He said before he hung up, they could talk more later. They had a body to dispose of and a Council of Irishmen to call.

* * *

><p>…<p>

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note:<strong> There you have it, the end of _The Scars of Your Love_, the second in the _Brath Trilogy_. I want to thank everyone for reading, reviewing and supporting me. Without all of you I doubt I'd be able to write a single word. Thank you all so much!

* * *

><p><strong>Special Thanks: <strong>I would like to take this time to offer a special, heartfelt, thank you to **Verda Napoli **for helping me every step of the way. She's offered so much constructive criticism and wonderful advice. I don't feel like I could have done this without her help. She helped me work out plotlines, work on my characterizations and was an amazing sounding board. I can't possibly thank her enough for everything she's done and I now dedicate this story to the amazing **Verda Napoli. **Thank you **Verda** you've helped me more than you know.

P.S. Read EVERYTHING **Verda Napoli **writes. She's an amazing writer and you will not regret starting her stories.


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